My Mom (85) has dementia for the past 9 years. She refuses to wash her face, brush her hair or change clothes. Advice?

Andy i may be asking a stupid question but do you have grab bars in shower and a shower chair?

Andy, I noticed you mentioned your Mom won't wash her face, comb her hair or change clothes.... those require arm/shoulder motions.... was wondering if your Mom might had injured her arm/shoulder and now it is very painful to do those things.

Why I bring that up is because I had an injury that made it almost impossible to use one arm to comb my hair or wash my face. Changing clothes sent lightening bolts through my shoulder. I hated to shower because of the pain and feeling unbalanced. Had to do everything with my other arm which made it very cumbersome.... I bet someone with dementia might not reason out that she could use her other arm to do all those things. Just a suggestion.

That's tough Andy123. I was never able to convince my cousin to bathe. She would lie and said she had already bathed, but it was obvious she had not.. Once she was in Assisted Living, she would agree for them to bath her, but sometimes she would not. Now that she is in Memory Care, she allows them to bathe her most of the time, but sometimes resists a shower, They get showers 3 times per week there.

I wouldn't worry about frequent baths that much. If she will allow herself to be cleaned with body wipes, I would think that would be enough. It doesn't sound like the convincing method you are using is working, so I wouldn't continue doing it that way. All of that drama is not good for anyone. And I don't think you are ever going to convince her to see the need for the baths.

Is she anxious, unhappy or resistant about anything other than bathing? IF so, then I would talk to her doctor about her anxiety. IF not, then I would back off the baths for awhile and perhaps try having another person do it next time or just use body wipes for awhile. As she progresses with this condition, her response to the bathing could change. She may later have no issue with it.

My mother inlaw is 92 and is given a bath once a month. She prefers to give herself a sponge bath and do her own grooming. She does her face every day.
She has been with me for three years now and I have found going along with her ideas works for both of us.

I agree with above... Try getting a HHA, they deal with this situation all the time..

I was going to suggest the same thing gonewiththewind did. Sometimes an outsider has more success than family. Sad, but true.

Andy, have you tried having home health, a CNA, come in to help with the bath? Medicare would most likely pay for it if prescribed by her doctor. Take this responsibility off your shoulders and let someone else do it. Often times they will not object as strongly if someone other than family does these things. They get away with acting their worst with family.