My Mom refuses to move out of state with me. Any advice?

You say that Mom has dementia. Shame on the siblings for taking advantage of her!

Unless she has been judged incompetent by a court and you are her guardian, you cannot force to make sensible decisions with her money or about where she lives. But you certainly can make decisions about what you do with your money. Do stop enabling her self-destructive behavior of living beyond her means.

Cut her off, she is a financial black hole. Go back home and tell her she's got to act like an adult and not a kid with a bag of candy.

A little of the same with my Mom. I couldn't get her to move because she didn't want to hurt my siblings' feelings by moving in with me. Finally, she had a bad health issue come up where she needed someone's care and I told her that she comes to my house and moves-in or she finds another solution either on her own or with my siblings' help. She opted to move-in with me.

She tried to borrow money from me to lend to my siblings'. I was suspicious why she was borrowing money. I thought it was to fix-up her house and I told her that she needed to move out if she couldn't afford to keep it up (which she hasn't really been able to). It turns out that she'd lent siblings money now tried to borrow money from me to fix the house. I just plain said "no."

This all might sound harsh but: 1) Her mental health hasn't been good-enough for her to remain on her own but good-enough that she couldn't be forced to move. 2) She really couldn't afford to keep her house. It's old, needed a lot of work, it's sad, but I can't afford it, either, AND, since the money would be split, me struggling to give her money to fix it doesn't mean I'd get a larger split of the final house sale proceeds because we're not that generous in my family.

You don't say if she has dementia. If she has all her faculties and helping out other relatives thereby putting herself at financial risks, then that's HER problem. Do not help her out. That is called tough love.

Do you really want her to move with you? Honestly ask yourself that question. I struggled with that for the longest time. I was going to use the money from the sell of my mom's house and build a house to accomodate all of us. (kids, husband, me and mom) Well, now I know there is NO way I could live with her. She has finally decided to go to AL after a year of begging, pleading and all the above. I am thrilled to no end that I can release some of my duties, but I know it will not an easy fix, it will take some time. If it is miserable for you now, think what it would be like if she moved. I am serious. It does not get better. If you do want her to move, then creativity is key. She has to think it was her idea. Pulling back has been suggested to me many times. I started doing that and finally my mom gave in to moving to AL. She is still nervous about the move, but we are doing it this weekend. Good luck.

Get a P.O.A. ASAP if she has dementia

Sorry, but I hit Submit before I got to the advice part. So, along with the others, would say not to give her money. I would almost let her get herself into such financial straights that her only option becomes to move-in with you, if that's what you think is best and are willing to do it. That is a little how I approached it.

Realistically, it's hard. And, if my Mom had been really desperate and living in desperate conditions, I have to wonder if I might have eventually caved-in, who knows.

Heres what I did itook my mother to Colorado where i live. For a vacation, she stayed 3 weeks . The third week I took her to a apartment complex and said it was
For my husband and I when he moves out here. She loved the apartment and signed up the monday of the third week. You have to be sneaky, and go online and find an apartment for you and your mom.Belive me it will work. When you show her tha apartment, say its for you. Tell her avacation would be good for her, then plan the vacation. She will accept it happily. Pami

Been there done that with my parents.My sister became P.O.A and mom's check book was so screwed up..my sister made my mother(after my dad passed) move out of state with my handicapped brother to be closer to her.That was traumatic but absolutely imperative .If your mom is competent there is not much you can do, unless it is court ordered.If she refuses to move, no matter how imperative it is, all you can is get help from aging and disability resources.I am sure your local court house has some people who can advise you.Good luck

She sounds like she's dealing with some dementia and has lost her ability to understand the consequences of her actions with regards to her finances. So, she has a good excuse for throwing money around. You don't. Don't send her another penny. Explain as simply and as briefly as possible that you are no longer able to give her any money. No reasons, no arguing. Then give her two choices that you've worked out ahead of time - again, no arguing (you can't argue with someone who is unable to think logically).
You desperately need to get POA to even have a chance of rescuing her finances, so tread carefully and lightly. Depending upon her level of respect for professionals, it may be well worth taking her to see a lawyer or her doctor (who you should brief ahead of time).
KEEP IN MIND - when you're dealing with someone who has dementia, you'll always get further by entering their reality (even if it means fibbing and no matter how frustrating it is to you). In your mom's case, she KNOWS that she has the money to be the great benefactor to her relatives and no dose of reality from you will change that, so take a different approach. Be creative!