I am taking mom back to India in Dec. She has mild/beginning dementia and forgets a lot of things. She has plenty of money and help is available back home. Mom lives in a senior center (which is good only if you are mentally sharp). Some of the seniors living alone there have attendants whom they treat like family and I think this model will be great for mom.

However, mom is terrified someone will steal stuff and I will be glad if they steal because mom has broken, old stuff. Mom has also forgotten that she has all this stuff...she never uses the stuff in her cabinets and I had to throw out a lot of stuff.

So do I listen to mom and NOT hire anyone and wait for a catastrophe to happen? Or do I go ahead and hire an attendant?

I'm on a slow burnout here.....

Thank you so much.

She has to have extra care, no question about it.  Just picture her alone in her house confused and afraid because that's probably what's going to happen.  I don't mean to sound harsh but it's reality.  Can the community make her leave when they find out about her illness?  She won't know how to find new living arrangements so who knows what will happen to her.  If she has help and that happens they can make the arrangements or at least contact you.   Please do whatever you can to get her the help she needs.  You might look into Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney also.  I don't know the laws in India but those are both very important so you can make decisions financially and medically when she is unable to.  Plus hopefully it will help protect her money so it can be used, if needed, to place her in a Memory Care Unit.  What about keeping her here in the U.S. and placing her in a nice MC unit?  That way you can be sure she's being taken care of?  Just a thought.  All my best.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Jessica40

Like what willie said. I thought though, that Mom has family in India who will be able to help in her care?
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to JoAnn29

I would make it a condition of her going home (even if you would send her back anyway she doesn't need to know that). Tell her this is for your peace of mind, that you couldn't possibly allow her to live unaided without feeling like a bad daughter and that your cousins would all think that you are not taking proper care of her (which is all probably true).
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to cwillie
wren9184 Oct 28, 2018
Thank you!! Clears the confusion in my mind
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter