My Mom (88) refuses to go to the doctor nor do personal hygiene. Any advice?

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She won't consider assisted living. She fell and broke her arm this summer which has allowed me to become more of a caregiver. She has gone to see the orthopedic doctor but refuses to go to any others. I knew that she hadn't been taking care of her personal hygiene very well over the past 2 years but found out how bad it was when I started taking care of her. Her toenails probably haven't been cut for years! I made her an appointment with a foot doctor and she seemed agreeable to it. Her appt was for this morning and she refused to go. Would not get out of bed, refused to shower, yelled at me, etc. Told me the doctor needs to do house calls. I left her house in tears and had to cancel the appt. I have been trying to bathe her 2x a week. She usually agrees to it after much cajoling. The days in between she really doesn't bother cleaning herself up. The worst of the matter is that my oldest sister who is mentally handicapped/diabetic still lives with her. I try to intervene as much as I can but my mom refuses to acknowledge that she is aging and all the problems associated with it. I'm pretty sure she is suffering from dementia, she gets so ugly with me a times but of course I cannot get her to a regular physician to even get help there. She barely lets me take my sister for doctor's appts. I did manage to get her to give up her car and let me drive her wherever she wants to go. She really needs to be seeing doctors on a regular basis but I don't know how to make that happen. I'm wondering if bringing in an outside caregiver to help would be better. Maybe she'd listen to them more than me. I also want to become guardian of my sister since my mom really isn't looking out for her best interests anymore. Any advice?

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Call your county social services for help for BOTH of them. I don't see how she can take care of your sister if she can't take care of herself.
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alisonj, your Mom really needs to get in to see a primary doctor who can check her over, do some blood work, and check to see if she has a UTI [urinary tract infection which can cause the elderly to be become mean]. An outside Caregiver would probably want to make sure your Mom has had a recent physical before touching her.

Tell her you can't drive her anywhere UNLESS she goes in to see a primary doctor. Sometimes you need to use tough love.
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