My Mom (87) refuses to come to my house even for a few days. Any suggestions? - AgingCare.com

My Mom (87) refuses to come to my house even for a few days. Any suggestions?

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My only sibling and I live hours away from her. We are taking two week shifts going to her home. I still work and have a husband and a young adult child at home with moderate special needs. My sibling is retired, but has a lot of responsiblities with his family in another state. The care we are giving mother can easily be done in our homes. These extended absences are taking a toll on us and our families. We are missing many family events because the entire family cant always come to her house because of the distance. She does not want any other caregivers besides us. We love taking care of her and getting her out of the rehab facility was the best decision we made for her. Assisted living is not an option near her rural home. Medically she is okay and going to one of our homes for a few days would not interfere with her daily care and we would always get her back home for her doctor visits. Becuase she is wheelchair dependent she refuses to go out in public except for church in her hometown. Any suggestions? I'm riddled with guilt, but I'm missing weddings, events with my husband's family and not to mention time off at work is putting a strain on the rest of the company which I manage. My brother and I are working very well together on this, but we are getting concerned as this has only gone on for a couple of months. The future is frightening for all 3 of us. Looking for support and ideas!

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Our elders don't want to move, they dig their heels into their own homes. One reason is that they don't want to be any distance from their own doctors, who they consider are their life-line... even if you are just a couple hours away, that is still too far. I never really understood that until I had a serious illness myself, and to this day I want to be near my own doctors.

You and your sibling will need to start cutting back on the things you do for your Mom, then and only then will your Mom realize that she needs outside help from paid caregivers. Right now she doesn't realize that because you and your sibling are always there.

Your Mom will have to accept other caregivers to come into the home. I know I already told my parents that when the time comes that they need someone to come in to take care of them, I can't do it... I am now too old. If I was 10-15 years younger, yes I could do it. But that ship had sailed years ago. I am in my own age decline.
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