Mom refuses to believe she has dementia that is getting worse. I will be moving finally and she won't - now what? - AgingCare.com

Mom refuses to believe she has dementia that is getting worse. I will be moving finally and she won't - now what?

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I have been taking care of her since 2003 and would like to move back to Texas to be with my kids and grandbaby, She thinks she can live alone which is impossible even with some home health care. She can't see or hear well and can barely work the microwave. She is now fighting me taking over her bills and hides them from me so everything will be late like it has been. Don't know whether to make her move with me to be in a nursing home or what! My Mother has always been pretty hateful and controlling and so many of my friends have said "How have you done it".

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If we are voting and my vote counts, I support NancyH's suggestion that whatever you do, do it before you move away. My aunt was diagnosed with alcohol dementia and lived in Northern California while l, her DPOA & HPOA, lived in Southern California, had a business and was helping my mom take care of my dad with Alzheimer's. Even after the "big move" to get her down here, there were several trips North required to handle her finances and her home. I didn't really have time for that but it has to be done so you just have to make time. The one thing I learned is that you can't manage or delegate from a distance. Let us know how you're doing.
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ticturner, whatever you decide to do, do it NOW before you're thousands of miles away and trying to manage mom long distance. This is a no win situation I'm afraid.
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Ditto on Jinx4740's post! Have you encouraged your Mom with the fact that she would also be moving closer to your kids and grandkids? With her temperament being as you describe it, whichever way you decide to go it would probably be best that she be in assisted living (if still possible) or a nursing home. Perhaps her doctor could encourage her to move with you? Does she have friends where she lives? Many times older folks don't want to leave their friends and their set routines even though all of their family lives elsewhere.
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Enlist her doctor in this struggle, and also seek help from your area council on aging. You might have go ahead and move and leave her in place until she "gets it' that she can't cope on her own. Can you "abandon" her for a long weekend to let her get a taste of how it would be?

If she is hateful and controlling, please don't move her into your home! It will not get easier as the disease progresses. Get her on Medicaid, if that's necessary, and into a facility.
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