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I’m sure you all know the routine, you have notes posted everywhere, you repeatedly show how to do something and you call several times during the day to make sure everything is alright. I try to discuss the facts with her that she might have Alzheimer’s or some other dementia and sometimes she agrees and other she thinks that I and my sister are out to get her. I try not to get mad, but it’s hard not to when the facts are clear as day. I realize her perception is not based on reality all the time, but still I try to tell her I’m only doing this because I love her and I’m trying to do what’s best for her. After seeing all the horror stories on here about dealing with this I can only imagine what the future holds since this is just the earliest phase of this disease. I am prepared for the worst that is going to happen because there is no stopping this disease. I just hope against hope that any kind of medicine she might get from this neurology doctor helps slow down or even stop the progress of whatever she has. I know this isn’t the case and it will get worse, but still I hope and pray.
Sometimes I put on Helen Reddy song” You and Me against the world” and just bawl my eyes out or Paul Anka “Times of your life”. I’m 51 but wish to h*ll I could go back to be a little boy and make this all go away. I guess everyone goes through this and I guess by the time the end actually happens I will not have any emotions left to spare. The thing that scares me more is by the time I reach this age there may not be anyone there to look after me as I never married and had any children. I just wish Mom would be more grateful for all I’m doing for her. She has no money except for her Social Security and no life insurance so I having nothing to gain from her demise. My sister has told me stories of her job in a nursing home where people actually call and ask when the hell someone is going to die. I know each and every one of us has issues with parents some worse than other, but I could never have that kind of animosity to someone that raised me to the best of her abilities.
I’ll keep you posted on the neurology doctor visit and hopefully will get a detailed explanation on what’s going on. I already know or have that gut feeling, I just want Mom to know from the Doctor that this is really going on and that we are trying to help her. Maybe this is Gods way of teaching me the ultimate in patience. I never had children so I never learned how to take care of someone till now. God bless each one of you for the tireless task you do.

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I am so sorry I have no advice for you because I am in the same predicament as you are currently. I know what you mean when you say you wish she would be more grateful and realize you are doing what is best for her. It sucks when you become the parent to your own parent. Then in return they treat you like the bad guy, when all you really want is what is best for them and all of this to just go away‼! The only advise I can offer being a dog lover myself is give Butch a big hug because the love he returns to you is unconditional and genuine, unfortunately not many humans are capable of that so get where you can and good luck 
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Just talked to sis and she said they are willing to PAY someone to come up for 2 hours 3xweek. I was stunned. But she said mom has to qualify? Not sure what this actually means but it sure sounds good to me!!!
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Most people can handle hearing they have memory problems and most docs would put it that way unless they were in very early stages and could understand better and have the information be of some use to them. And, there are meds that may slow it down and there are some treatable causes of this too...so I hope you have found a really good geriatric-oriented neuro person and you get all the help you need. Don't be hestiant to ask if there is a social worker you could meet with to help with long term planning issues that the doc will not have time to get into either.
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Fligirl seems we all have an evil sister! i have two one who is a born again christian but hasnt bothered with mum in years? then the baby thinks shes superior because she has a job and money and yes thinks she knows it all? two things she said to me and was lucky i didnt punch her? "its great youre on a forum" AND "well we are not all cut out to be a carer" i know my BP nearly exploded! I had a TIA in Jan NOW shes coming home a bit more BUT spends little time with mum so she sees nothing that i see as shes not with mum long enough AND she can jump on a plane home? she has ten wks paid holiday a year and only spends 2wks a year here WAS suppose to come home every six wks but that hasnt happened yet? Shes getting worse now as she used to call mum a few times a week NOW its been over two weeks since shes called its just not good enough! my bro in UK calls me every night for support so great i at least have him other bro is either himself suffering from dementia OR hes in serious denial OR he cant handle it? Who knows? ive learnt i cannot let my siblings drive me over the edge and i so what i do is ignore it and look after mum as best i can they will be so sorry when shes gone and ill be at peace with myself its not easy but you give up trying with them and getting so stressed! Hang in there they will be sorry one day!
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I just got off the phone with my evil sister. She is a know it all. She has no clue. I asked again for more help(I get none now) and she said I just cannot I have health issues and live down in San Diego. Well I have health issues too. I have had a headache for over a month. Depression, anxiety etc getting worse. She tries telling me what to do. I have learned so much being on this website and after seeing a social worker the other day, I have some resources to call 24/7 just to vent. Mom just asked me what is wrong with her. I just said she is in severe pain and forgets things. Everybody forgets things. My sister said I should not lie to her. Whats the point in telling her she has Alzheimers. The occupation therapist said that telling them something else is call reality sympthay (sp). She is always asking me if her sister in New York is still alive and I keep say no. So maybe I should start saying she is. Not sure about that one.
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I agree with Ladee whats the point and getting mad with her is a waste of time i learnt at least that one thing! Mum still sees things on TV re alz and says oh god i hope i never get that????? Of course they are not going to say "you know what i think i might be going mad so can you put me ina home please". We just have to get them the help they need when the time comes with mum its getting sooner ooops have to go DENZEL washington is on!
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My Dad will occasionally tell me he will go into a room and forget why he went into that room.... I tell him that happens to everyone no matter how old they are.... heavens, it even happens to my cat :)
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Take ladeeM's statement very seriously: "It doesn't matter if THEY know or not, it matter that WE know, and get all the help and use all the resources available to us to walk this path."

I am so glad you are going to have more information to work with. Having Mom evaluated is the right thing to do! But that is so you will be best able to deal with her helpfully. She may never accept the diagnosis. So what?

My mother often worries that she's forgotten something. I say, "It's OK Ma. You do have a little memory loss but you have all kinds of people around to remember for you. You might not remember if you've eaten or not, but no one is going to let you miss meals. We'll take care of you!" It would only distress her to know she has the big scary D word.
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My question is, why is it necessary for you to convince her she has this disease? Part of the job as caregivers for Alz/dementia, is to educate our self and learn from others.....it's not like she is going to have an 'ah ha' moment, and then be grateful.... sorry, not being appreciated is not even going to be an issue before long... come here and share with us.... WE will appreciate all you do, the confusion you feel, the frustrations..... this is our lifeline to sanity.....

It doesn't matter if THEY know or not, it matter that WE know, and get all the help and use all the resources available to us to walk this path...Hope we see you here often.... we understand, you will not be judged, and we even laugh sometimes.... greatest therapy on earth.... you will make friends, and you are not alone..... let us know how her Dr. visit goes..... sending you hugs for reaching out for help and not wanting to do this alone.....
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I don't want to come across as being negative, please know that. My mom doesn't have memory problems, but she had problems with being social while I am at work. I was her only means of getting out of the house until recently. What happened that changed this problem was she had fallen and has 3 surgeries since. The first surgery was last Oct 2013 and it's almost been a year and is still recovering. This major event has changed her, she now accepts the fact that she needs assistance from more than one person and she knows she has to regain her social life with the assistance of other organizations to help her get out to be with others. It has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do, taking care of Mom after 3 surgeries.
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It's a tough situation, but it sounds like you are doing the right things by getting the medical evaluation. Others have posted here about how and whether to tell a loved one they have Alzheimers. I'm afraid, I'm still dealing with that issue myself with my loved one.

When will the doctor have something definite to tell you? Was your mom diagnosed with dementia? I can't tell which phase she may be at now from your post.

You sound very kind and loving to your mother. I'm sure she is very appreciative of that. Losing her memory must be very frightening. Having your concern and support must be her much comfort.
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