When my mom was living with me and her dementia started getting worse, I first hired a cleaning lady since mom could not keep her room and bathroom reasonably clean. I suggest you do this first and mom pays. I also told my mom that this help was for ME, as I couldn't do more than I was already doing. Or that I hated cleaning (TRUTH!) and we needed a helper on that front.
Soon enough, I added a caregiver for a few hours twice a week. Mom didn't like it and didn't understand why but again I said it was for ME and that "I" wasn't comfortable leaving her alone, etc.
So figure out how you want to phrase it (therapeutic lies are in order!) and just do it. Don't ask her, nicely but firmly tell her that way it is going to go. My mom ended up really liking her "ladies" and it was very pleasant and helpful.
Sometimes making the decision that a Loved One is no longer ENTITLED or EQUIPPED to refuse is much MUCH harder on the caregiver than it is on the “careneeder”.
Not only is the caregiver in the unenviable position of having to deny a person who once commanded obedience and respect that they are no longer capable of dealing with their own ongoing care, but in addition, picking up the pieces if the “careneeder” stumbles, figuratively or literally, is one of the hardest and most painful decisions forced on caregivers in early caregiving.
After you’ve had the needs assessment, do the heart to heart with Mom about SAFETY, and if that sinks in, personal care and management.
If she’s in anyway reasonably clear cognitively, you may possibly make some inroads that way.
If she’s dealing with cognitive decline, heres hoping somebody has a POA……
If your mother lives with you, in your home, she doesn't get a choice. If you need help caring for her, she needs to pay for and accept hired help.
If you live with her in HER home, you make arrangements to move so that she can maintain her "independence". Call APS when you leave and report that she is a vulnerable adult living alone.
Have you looked into assisted Living Facilities for her? In old age, there aren't lots of "good" choices, only the least bad ones. Mom needs to bend.
She lives by herself about 5mins away. Thinking my sister and I should just get in home help and deal with her after the fact. Can't be worse then it is now. Thanks for the support.
Soon enough, I added a caregiver for a few hours twice a week. Mom didn't like it and didn't understand why but again I said it was for ME and that "I" wasn't comfortable leaving her alone, etc.
So figure out how you want to phrase it (therapeutic lies are in order!) and just do it. Don't ask her, nicely but firmly tell her that way it is going to go. My mom ended up really liking her "ladies" and it was very pleasant and helpful.
Best of luck.
Not only is the caregiver in the unenviable position of having to deny a person who once commanded obedience and respect that they are no longer capable of dealing with their own ongoing care, but in addition, picking up the pieces if the “careneeder” stumbles, figuratively or literally, is one of the hardest and most painful decisions forced on caregivers in early caregiving.
After you’ve had the needs assessment, do the heart to heart with Mom about SAFETY, and if that sinks in, personal care and management.
If she’s in anyway reasonably clear cognitively, you may possibly make some inroads that way.
If she’s dealing with cognitive decline, heres hoping somebody has a POA……
Call the local Area Agency on Aging and have a professional "needs assessment".
Elders will listen to an RN or SW and not their own kids.
If your mother lives with you, in your home, she doesn't get a choice. If you need help caring for her, she needs to pay for and accept hired help.
If you live with her in HER home, you make arrangements to move so that she can maintain her "independence". Call APS when you leave and report that she is a vulnerable adult living alone.
Have you looked into assisted Living Facilities for her? In old age, there aren't lots of "good" choices, only the least bad ones. Mom needs to bend.