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She wants me to do it all.

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You tell her you can not do it all. Tell her either she accepts the help or you will walk out. She still says no? Then you tell her " OK, Mom, I will see you later. Call me when you change your mind. I will wait for your call" and get up and go. Make no contact. The next move is hers. Sounds mean, but the counselor we had said to pull back and force her to accept reality. It worked.
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Generally speaking, older folks don't like change. And they don't like "strangers" coming into their home. If it was me, I'd tell mom I needed help to do things for her. Offer two kinds of help (like laundry or help with housekeeping or whatever she needs) and let your mom choose which one she wants. That will give her a feeling of some control. Tell her you'll just try it for a month. Be there the first day so that you can ease the transition. Make it clear that you're hiring the person and only you can fire her. Then stick to your guns and get some help! Hopefully after a month, your mom will be more open to having someone help her and you. Good luck and keep us posted.
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we tell Dad the CG works for us.. doing things like tiding up.. She really keeps him busy so Mom can get stuff done! We did not make it an option. Mom still grumbles sometimes about paying her for "nothing", but she likes her and we insist it's for OUR peace of mind
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