My mom has mid-stage dementia. She has also had undiagnosed mental illness most of her life. She is high functioning and can bathe herself, feed herself, and is fully continent. Her short-term memory is non-existent. She has daily hallucinations and delusions. She is not aggressive yet. She takes no medications. She will not stay home alone as she is afraid and would rather sleep in her car than at home if she's alone! I have been unsuccessful in trying to get her to accept assisted living or at a minimum, independent living with the occasional aid assistant. She wants no home help unless it's me. She flat-out refuses. I need to return to my home 2,000 miles away as my paid family leave ends in two weeks and I need to work. Taking her with me is not an option. I am told getting guardianship would be difficult as she has lucid moments throughout the day and can handle adls on her own except for paying bills. It seems my only option is to leave her here and let something happen, so she is forced into proper care! Any suggestions?
Tread carefully regarding what you sign or volunteer for.
Whether down the road you do want to be her legal guardian or not, this will be up to you. But this may take much time, more assessments etc. Right now the ER will want to move Mom asap so may have the ability to get that 'emergency guardianship' arranged to do so (without your involvement).
This is the crises stage. High stress, but bringing the ability for CHANGE.
I wish you strength for this new pathway.
I suggest that you read Liz Scheier's memoir which is titled Never Simple. She tried to intervene for her mentally ill mother for decades along with the help of the city and state of New York. To no avail.
I agree with your "only option." Not everything can be fixed.
Its not easy but it is necessary for her safety and the safety of society in general as she was refusing to give up driving.
Sit back and become an observer, you do not need to have a front row seat to her antics.
Good Luck!
Thank you for your advice.
You can’t take her back to your home. You have a job and your own life.
It’s truly sad that she would opt to live in her car instead of a home or independent living.
Still, stay strong even though this is an incredibly emotional situation. You sound as if you’re certain of your feelings about this matter and that is a plus.
Have you ever had your mom assessed by Council on Aging or a neurologist? You say that she isn’t on any meds at the present time.
Have you thought of calling APS and reporting her as being a vulnerable senior at risk of being in danger?
I hope you are able to find a solution soon. Best wishes to you and your mom.