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She has mid form of loss of memory, incontinent and has osteoarthritis with unilateral knee replacement. Her general condition is good. I am afraid to do gastrostomy for her as she always remove any thing we put like cannula, ryele tube. other; she had multiple small gall stones long time ago. is antidepressant will help her & what you recommend for her, thank you

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Talk with other people with the similar problem for back up and support. Find her best flavor drink or baby food she likes. you taste it too if you do not like it, do not give it to her. Mouth care before and after you feed her. Take your time at it , Feed her slowly. If you have a person to feed her meals watch her facial expression. do they like them and if not , Get some one else. you do not like every one you see.
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Thanks Joann.
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Nobody in good condition is being fed by NG and given hydration IV on any long term basis. Perhaps the daughter does not quite realize that her mother is not in good condition after all. There could be some denial in understanding the medical situation, or maybe the condition Mom is in is good enough to the daughter to believe that Mom should be kept alive in the ways they are using.
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My MIL was in the hospital for UTI then rehab. All in all she was in pretty good health at 91. When she found she was not going to be able to go home and was being transferred to be closer to a son, she lost the will to live. For a woman in fairly good health there has to be a reason why she won't eat.
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Llama, reread and saw that.
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JoAnn: It states that her condition is good.
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Llama, not eating and drinking are part of the dying process. Hospice will makee the person comfortable. They won't suffer.
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This is serious and is a matter of urgency! A person cannot survive without water!!
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I have seen quite a few horror stories of artificially feeding a person who can't even communicate, which prevents them from actually dying, but otherwise keeps them as close to being a corpse as a person can be without actually dying. Usually its because a family member's belief is that any life at all has enough quality of life to maintain it. And because not using these means of life extension is thought to be the same as making them die by persons of this viewpoint. I never felt good about keeping people alive this way, it always disturbed me, but I did do it. It was my job to carry out the family's wishes.
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At this point, quality of life comes knocking. I hope for all of us, our families bring Hospice on board. No more does "hospice=death". Medicine has come a long way from that point. Pallative care works wonders...make the trip from life to death as easy as possible. Bless you in your journey
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Manny, you've just related a horror story. Lord.
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PEG tubes are awfully rough as well. Passing away from not wanting to eat or drink is one of the natural forms a human body takes in dying. It is gradual. They are not hungry or thirsty as well-people would be, or they will let you know. And the drop in level of consciousness is gradual. I don't think preventing this process with prolonged artificial forced feeding is considerate of the person who is in that phase and does not want to eat or drink. I think there is great suffering added in spending years and years like that against your will.
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NG feeding tubes are very very uncomfortable. Repeated IV starts are very uncomfortable. I think the best advice in this thread is that if its not to get her over the hump onto a better life again, then its really sort of a torture to administer it.
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You don't say how old she is. Do you have a medical POA? Moms says what she wants. This is my take on this. If there is no reason she can't eat, like she can't swallow, then her body may just be shutting down. Maybe its time for Hospice. Get an order from her doctor to be evaluated. We all would like our parents to live forever but sadly they won't. I wouldn't like to live with a feeding tube and IVs unless it was to get me over a hump. If this is not the case, maybe its time to let go.
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Yes, it's important to know what someone wants far in advance. I'm making sure that my family knows and it's in writing so there is no question.
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Is a quality of life disscussion warranted at this point? I truly hope that when I have such a long list of health problems and can't eat or take fluid I'm not kept alive with a tube. No one wants this done to themselves. Why do we inflict it on out elders? What is truly best for HER at this point?
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My aunt had a stroke and had a feeding tube in her due to inability to swallow. She had no childten and her husband had died. She had memory loss from the stroke and couldn't walk either. She lived for 13 years with that feeding tube. I agree with others comments about getting advice from doctor but I'd also be careful with regard to feeding tubes. I know I wouldn't want to live in a nursing home for 13 years.
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Maybe she wants to die. I don't see anything in your post that mentions any discussion of her wants and desires. All I see is the difficulty of trying to force her to take nourishment. I understand being fed with a tube can be quite unpleasant.
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Discuss her condition with her doctor. Someone not eating or drinking fluids will die. See the doctor ASAP.
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I would read a lot about patients with her condition and discuss it with her doctor. Are you her Durable POA and Healthcare POA? Does she have a living Will? What were her wishes on these matters before the dementia?

Here's a link about care for dementia patients. It really helped me as I sought information about my cousin. I've read that it has helped others as well. It covers the issues you are asking about. See specifically pages 15-18.

http://avoidablecare.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Sharpe-Handbook-A-Caregivers-Guide-to-Advance-Dementia.pdf

This must be so incredibly difficult for you and your family. This site provides a lot of support. I hope that coming here will help.
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