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My mom is 87 years old and currently resides out of state where her sister-in-law takes care of her but can no longer do it due to illness and also my mom is showing beginning symptoms of dementia. I am her only child so this falls on me, I would like to find a place for both us of to live that has disability access for her, she has difficulty walking and uses a cane, walker and wheel chair, I will be in need for someone to care for her during the day while I work and every now and then on weekends, have no clue where to begin, are there any health plans that will cover any of these cost, I am recently divorced and trying to make ends meet and do not have the funds to help her. she does receive Social Sec monthly but is not very much. Are there any aids I can get for her? I live in Winter Park, FL. HELP, any advise will be appretiated.

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To the OP, as some have said here, do look over these posts before making any decision.
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Vimachick - I'm sorry to hear of this development. The only saving grace is that you know the situation before she gets here so you have a better idea what to do.

I'm not sure about A Place for Mom. My understanding is that they receive commissions from the facilities they steer families towards, so I suspect they are more likely to direct you to high-end facilities that your mother won't be able to afford. It sounds like your mother will need Medicaid, and if that's the case she'll be limited to facilities that accept Medicaid and have space for a new Medicaid patient.

If I were you I'd start at the Find Care tab in at the top right of this website. Also I believe I sent you a few resources in a private message. These agencies will charge you for their services, but they are working for you not the facility.
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Hello Everyone,
I finally caught up with everyone's answers. It turns out that I will have to put my mother in a nursing home after all, she lives in Puerto Rico and recently my ex husband went to visit her and she did not recognize him which to him was very devastating, so this changes things for me on having her live with me, she will need care 24/7. I wrote my aunt (her sister-in-law) a letter asking her to send me copies of all her information, SS, how much she gets monthly, current insurance plan, copy of her medical records and a list of all the medicines she is currently taking, etc. That will give me somewhere to start. I feel very overwhelmed with all this. I am going to seek professional advise from an elderly lawyer, I have no idea where to start. I have to put her in a nursing home as soon as she gets here from PR and another thing is she does not speak any English which is another factor, but I guess I can work that out with the nursing home whenever the time comes. I have been told to seek counseling at A Place for Mom? Is that something I should do?
I'm so glad I am in this support group, I cry often, but is a way for me to seek help and to vent my feelings.
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Nadin144 - Thanks for bringing up the Managed Long Term Services and Supports Program. That didn't exist in Florida when I started looking for help for my mother and I didn't realize how much home help you can get with it. You have to be eligible for Medicaid, but at least you don't need to live in the vicinity of a PACE center. This would be a good resource for my mother as well if needed down the line.
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Ok so social security,VA, Shine,Pace. I'm petrified becAuse my mom.moved in wiith me and I do more and more for her and work. I have osteoporosis and cant lift anymore. I don't know when it's going to happen. Should I be proactive and what first. She only has social security and it's not great.
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Try to get MLTSS - Managed Long Term Services and Supports Program. Not many people know about this new program. My husband has Alzheimer's and he got now 40 hours a week Home Health Services. His SS is $2,500.00, he had Medicare, now with this program he got Medicaid too. It's a big help. Go online or ask your Social worker about it.
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Did your father, or Mom's husband join the military and serve in an authorized war like WWII or Korea? If so, lots of possible help from VA Aid and Attendance.
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I have been my 85yo moms caregiver for 10 years and I can explain the process I've gone through. We live in Missouri and I simply moved her in with me. She receives SS, Medicaid and Medicare. The division of senior services is who I went through to get assistance with caregiving while I work. A caregiver comes in M-Sat for about 6 hours. I have a different person that comes on Sundays because the agency doesn't have anyone that wants to work on Sundays. My job I work weekends, so I need help 7 days a week. I pay out of pocket for 4hrs on Sundays. Her medical is covered by Medicaid and Medicare. Her medication is no cost to us, or her doctor visits. I hope this was helpful.
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Your mom is 87, you should speak to an elder care attorney in Florida if you are moving her to Florida.  Or the state she is living in, if she will remain there. If you are staying in Florida, and want to bring your mom to Florida so you can keep an eye on her care, speak to drs, pharmacys, and make sure she gets clothing, over the counter items, and proper care that would be thoughtful and from my own experience necessary. I visited my mom in a living assisted facility several times a week to make sure she was okay and she had what she needed.  I also did some of her laundry and brought her things she needed. Lawyers usually offer 1 free consultation so you want to make sure you know as much as possible before meeting with them. They are great to use for applying for "Medicaid", it is a difficult process with certain deadlines that lawyers can handle and insure you get benefits.  Every year an evaluation form is required to be filled out or benefits can be lost, you will need to fill them out for your mom or make sure a social worker where she lives fills it out.  Medicaid in some states provide "some" in home care, you need to look into this, it is usually "not" 24 hr care. And I don't think it is 24 hr care in Florida.
 I moved my mom from Florida to NY, and took whatever money she had a spent it down in a living assisted facility that accepted 1 yr paydown, most require 2 yrs. Then she went on Medicaid. The facility kept her in a Medicaid room and she remained there for yrs, at 95 I had to move her to a nursing home for a higher level of care. Some LAF have Dementia units, then she would not have to be moved.   Medicaid covered her room/board and most medical costs, Medicare and her secondary insurance covered allot of costs too. I paid for her shoes, clothing, make-up, eye glasses, over the counter items, etc. The podiatrist to cut her toe nails was covered every 90 days I had to pay to have him come more often. The facility did weekly finger manicures for free. She had an allowance in the LAF of 135.00 a month that helped. Nursing homes the allowance was 35.00 a month.  This was deducted from her social security and left for her to use, the rest went to the facility. From my experience, I had to make sure mom used her money now to pay off her funeral & burial expenses; they need to be irrevocable under Medicaid laws. If she has funeral arrangements in another state than where she will live, you will also have to arrange funeral plans locally so she can be picked up and flown back to where her burial will be, this cost over 4500.00 in 2016. If she has money use it for this and this also needs to be irrevocable according to Medicaid. In order to qualify for Medicaid you have to have less than 2000.00 in the bank, and you have to show 5 yrs of statements, certain receipts, check copies of what her money was spent on. Her banks will give you copies of her statements.  You need to have a Durable POA, Health Care POA, Living Will, Health Care Proxy, and some other forms in place. The Elder Care attorney helps with this, but it must be done in the state she is going to live in. Ask your mom if she has a Will, this is important to have as well. From my experience, you will need to set up a bank account in the state she is living in with automatic deposit of her SS monies.  Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid will request your POA form so you can handle things on behalf of your mom.  I believe, if you place your mom in a facility and sign papers and don't figure out the financials prior they can hold you liable for costs, this is why it is important to speak to an Elder Care Attorney. I believe a new law is being put in place to protect POA's and care givers.  Unfortunately, there is more to do than anyone realizes, not to scare you, but the more you know the better you will be. If she gave away any large sums of money in the 5 yr look back time frame she will be penalized with a longer wait to receive benefits. My mom was very poor so they could have looked back 50 yrs. At 87 her needs will increase and you may not be able to provide them, the reality of it is the fact that you need to recognize this. We all love our parents, with all our hearts, but the system is a difficult one to navigate and unfortunately financially there is little help. I wish I could help you more, my heart goes out to you, as I can relate to what you are experiencing and what the road ahead could be like. Florida is known for being a great state of the elderly in many ways, but some LAFacilities do not take elderly people if they do not have enough for the spend-down, and some won't take people who are on Medicaid, and some do not have nursing facilities connected to them. Nursing Homes accept Medicaid residents if they have room, some have a waiting list, you need to make calls. You need to call a few Living Assisted Facilities and ask if they have a dementia unit and if they accept Medicaid patients, and if they have a spend down requirement. You need to know your mom's medical insurance, benefits, and how much money she has; the elder care attorney will need to know all this prior to your call or consultation. I wish you my best, and hope this helped.
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Send me.....

Social Security will not talk to her. Not until after she goes through their unique process to be designated authorized by them. Even having the POA all neat and legal was not enough for them.

I went through this process. What a nightmare...and it took 8 weeks. Then..social security decided My application was not going to be accepted.....I finally got the family lawyer involved! Good grief.

Best bet with SS? Get all her private info together...including all sorts of info about where she was born, etc. then..pretend to be her. Faster and much simpler.
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An excellent answer V!

I am going to wait for Vimachick to read and catch up.

Goodnight everyone!
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If Mom needs a walker/wheelchair it is not safe to leave a patient of this age home alone especially if she is becoming cognitively compromised.
You are recently divorced and need to support yourself and provide for your own future. concentrate on finding accommodation in her current location. Start by contacting her local eldercare agency, they should have all the answers. Moving her in with you or you with her is not going to be a permanent and probably only a temporary solution. You may sacrifice your life to care for a much beloved Mom but it means not being able to work so what would the two of you live on, pay the rent, buy food, pay for medical care .all the things you struggle to pay for for yourself multiply by two. it is a tough decision but it is the best future to make for both of you
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zythrr, I don't think anyone said that. Assisted living is probably way beyond the budget. There are some assisted living places that accept Medicaid, but if I understand it correctly, they only cover the excess costs incurred by a person who would otherwise require a nursing home. The basic living costs of AL must still be paid out of pocket. And it's pretty pricey, as is mostly everything in the Orlando area.
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In other words, Vimachick53 should look at AL for her mom?
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Look to the right of your screen, See all caregiving guides, Caregiver's Survival Guide.

Do continue with your question as posted here on your thread...for more personal attention specific to your needs.

Listening...............................
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Click on the Caregiver's Resource Library for downloadable helps:

Care Plan Guide
by AgingCare.com
Create a customized plan of care for your loved one and yourself. Learn how to build a robust support team, assess your loved one’s health and financial situation, and devise a daily care schedule to help you stay organized.
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97yroldMom,

Good advice!

Learned on this forum about caregivers doing the administration of caregiving from a distance-it can be done, but will require you to be there at times, at least to set this up.

A quote:

"You are not responsible for the daily care of your aging parents, but you are responsible for getting them care"

Even so, many adult siblings opt out altogether. It is good you are willing to step up, and I am sure so many caregivers here want to see you survive the process.
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You can contact SSA online. To do anything, you will need her social security number. But don't wait, go there now.
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Don't move your mom until you do extensive research. You need to understand her current Medicare insurance and how it works in Florida compared to where she lives now. It might be feasible to hire help for her and her SIL and for her to remain in place or go into a facility where she is established already. You need to visit an elder attorney who is familiar with Medicaid laws in Florida and try to compare that with the state where she now lives. Your mom needs an advocate wherever she lives BUT if you need to work her life has forever changed when she leaves the home she has been living in. If her needs are no longer being met with a room mate they surely won't be met being left alone all day. Medicare pays for home health care in the home in some states. If she does move to your home you can go to the Medicare website and look up home health agencies in your area. They are rated. Pick a couple and call them and ask about the services they offer. They are very limited but can make a big difference. A bath. Her sheets changed. Her meds managed. Her vitals checked on a weekly basis. Therapy in the home for her mobility issues. Blood work or UTI tests done in the home. Don't overstate your ability to care for her. Some gov programs aren't available if you say she is being taken care of by you. You have most likely known that this day was coming and you may not be stopping to consider that there are options that you need to consider for her benefit as well as your own. I'm not suggesting you not care for your mother. I'm just suggesting that you benefit from the collective experience of others. It is not easy. In fact, it is hard even when you know the correct steps. You probably are thinking. I have to take care of my mom. You are also thinking. I have to work. When your mom needs 24/7 care you will need to be 4 people. One for each 8 hour shift and one to work. If there is anyone else or other interests in your life then maybe you'll need to be 5 people. Good luck.
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Vima, Can you check back in with your new caregiver friends on here, and provide more information.

Specifically, Are there resources where she is living now, how many are in the home, is their illness temporary, can caregivers be brought in there temporarily, or is it just her sister-in-law living with her.

How soon should she be out?
Who is in charge of her money now?
What is the exact date she receives her SS, and/or SSI?

Are you sure she is ok to be left home alone in the day while you are at work?

That info, if you know it, or can find out, can help the forum members help you.

Is there someone where she is to call and ask these questions?

With SS and SSI, one can figure out the dates Mom receives her benefits. It is online. Accordng to a schedule, matching her birthdate, or is it her last name?
Do you know how she receives this? ---automatic deposits into her checking account? ----A check in the mail?----an account under the control of a "rep-payee?" Find out, on a timely basis because you will need the funds to move her, to help her. If the Sil is ill and has the receipt of the money-that should be changed a.s.a.p.!
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PACE is available in some counties in Florida but I don't think it covers your area (Orange, Seminole, Osceola?). There is very limited home help available through a program called SHINE but I don't think you can get more than a few hours a week. In any case, it's contingent (as is PACE) on being found eligible for nursing home placement through Medicaid.

I think your best option would be to apply for Medicaid for a nursing home for your mother. If she can't be left alone and you can't stay with her, and neither of you can afford in home caregivers, there are not many options.

Having said that, there are a couple of businesses that operate locally that can help you find resources and figure out your choices. I will PM you with the names. I haven't used them but they've been recommended to my by my therapist.
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Correction to above. One month of a one shift caregiver was more than my loved one's monthly income.
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It's so great that you want to help. I agree with exploring what she might be entitled to in the form of home healthcare, but, I would read a lot about how needs increase as the patient progresses.

If she's already having mobility problems and relying on a walker and wheelchair, then I would anticipate that she may need even more assistance with bathing, toileting, dressing, feeding, transporting to and from doctor appointments, etc. Unless she has the funds to pay for this, I'd consider how you would obtain it for her. In home aids are rather expensive. You can check the costs, but I know that when I looked into it for my loved one, it was completely out of the question. One week of a one shift caregiver services cost more than her entire monthly income. She was able to enter into Assisted Living with it being paid by our state Special Assistance Program, based on her disability and income.

Also, if you work during the day, you may need to work to care for her all night. Dementia patients often have sleep disorders, need changing, etc. I'd plan now on it taking 3 shifts of people. You can't work around the clock.

I would just read a lot and hear from family members who care for a senior in the home who has dementia, especially if they have mobility problems. There are many threads on this site about it.

I'd try to figure out how feasible it is to do by yourself and just what resources that might be available to help you. Keep in mind that if you apply for Medicaid in her state, you would need to re-apply if she moves to your home state.

Please let us know what you find out and what you decide to do. I hope it works out well.
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It might be worthwhile to look at Florida's PACE program (google "PACE elderly florida") and see if they have a location near you. Your mom might be eligible for their adult day care program. In our area in Mich., they will provide transportation to and from home, meals, and and pass out medication. All your mom's medical care would switch to their physicians, I believe. The program is a joint program betw. Medicare and Medicaid, so it is a compromise -- you are surrendering some of her care to the state, but she can still live at home and you can disenroll from the plan if it's not working out.
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1) Go to SS and become her rep-payee for SS funds.
2) And not necessarily in #2 order, start reading voraciously the posts on here relating to the "Should I move my Mom in with me", and "Should I Move in with Mom.
3) Her sister-in-law would be: she is currently living with her brother and SIL?
Ask your Mom's brother if he can place her temporarily until you can figure something out. Or, if he can be her rep-payee or POA while she is placed?

4) There is a steep learning curve, and you have been through a divorce. It is good you came here to this forum.
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Any insurance to cover home health aides would have to haven been purchased years ago. Once you need to have benefits paid out...the insurance company isn't going to sell you the policy.

There really isn't going to be much available to you. Especially in FL...republican control of that state have put heavy burden to keep Medicaid as low as they can.

Can you move? NY, CA, and other states have much better Medicaid in home care programs. None of them are really going to cover very much...but a few hours a week is still better than nothing.
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Call the Department of aging. You could also call social services.
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