Mom has been going poop in her pull up and refuses to tell us, anything we can do?

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Mom refuses to change her pull up, she will go hours without changing and when you remind her she will lie and say she did. Lately she has been going poop and still doesn't change until me practically make her. Mom has always been a very lazy person, never had to do much of anything but sit and read and my husband and I both believe that a lot of what she is doing now is because of her laziness. I am going crazy, I am tired of telling her to change, the house smells bad. She is resenting anything I tell her and lately she told me that she got the feeling I never wanted her to live with us. She threatened to move out and all because she not wanting to change. Any advice on this would be greatly needed and appreciated Thank you. B. Schachter

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I saw it all with my 95 yo mother, who was living alone. Once she was in the NH, all of these problems disappeared. There are only 9 people in the NH who are older than her and all of them are clean and well cared for. I don't know what they do differently there, but "can't" and "won't" isn't an option.
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It's not easy....I just dealt with another mess, spraying down my MIL in the shower, her screaming Go to H*ll at me. She is 94 with dementia and has been with us 12 years. I just went through breast cancer surgery and am still dealing with the emotional upheaval and effects of all that so I am not in the best mood these days. I feel bad she is going through the indignity of incontinence and I feel guilty I don't handle it very well sometimes. I know there are no easy answers...just have to deal with it. Just needed to vent today...thanks.
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My mom as dementia from normal pressure hydrocephalus and she is 91 years old. She just doesn't remember to change her pull ups, especially the one she has worn overnight which is soaked with urine. I can remind her every day but she can't remember and then yells at me for not telling her. I have found that what works best for us is for me to huge signs in her bedroom about what she needs to do but is not remembering. Right now, that sign says "Change your pullup in the morning before you come out of your room to eat breakfast". Of course, each night before she goes to bed, I also remind her to read the sign in the morning. So far, it works for us. I also did the same thing when she had inhome PT because she was refusing it and they were leaving. Now, she has a large sign telling her not to refuse PT or they will call me and she no longer refuses. Whatever works...........
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Mother lived alone as long as she could and we saw a lot of what you guys are talking about. Once she got settled in the NH and saw the other women, dressed, bathed, hair done, jewelry on, etc. she followed suit.

A schedule seems to help. The aids are there to change her and they do.

There was resistance, from her, at first and some big messes, but she has complied for months now.
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We having the same problem with my mother-in-law not wanting to change her Depend or when she does, squeezing it a ball and getting urine all over the carpeting. The bowel movements are a whole other story. Sometimes takes an hour to clean up the bathroom after one of those messes. She has moderate stage Alzheimer's and was confusing how to put underwear and Depends on so we finally had to take all of her underwear away since she would wear it UNDER her Depend and were constantly cleaning up messes. We now have a sign in her drawer that says "Depend only - no underwear" that helps some. We also put vinyl flooring over her carpeting as I was exhausted from steam cleaning the carpeting. We keep Depends in every room, but as others have mentioned, if they don't change, it can lead to urinary tract infections which we deal with frequently. We are lucky that we don't have too much resistance to daily showers which does help, but I have to get into her room and take out the clothes and pjs from that day before or she will wear the same thing. My heart goes out to all dealing with this on a daily basis as there are no easy answers. Some days I just want to sit down and cry because you do your best but it seems it is never good enough.
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Teepa Snow is an awesome trainer for those who care for people with dementia. Allow me to suggest that you look into her material. She has videos (DVS and online on-demand) which you may find very helpful. She addresses the issue of "won't" and gives a lot of practical suggestions about how to overcome that situation. Typically the harder we push the person with dementia, the harder they push back. If we can move from "do to" to "do with" the outcome may be better. This is not to say it is easy.
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Would she change them if she could? Many people cant get the old ones off or the new ones over their feet. Do you have one of those long handled grabbers so she could be independent. I had one old lady who had a straightened out wire coat hanger and hooked the depends up over her feet with that. She had to use her power scooter to get from bed to toilet but she was extremely independent and lived alone to the end God bless her.
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Mrs. Schachter, My suggestion is this : Purchase the paper panties that are the wrap-around type with side tapes rather than the pull-ups. Walk into the bathroom with her ( she won't like this), and cut the pull-up on both sides. Place the old diaper in a super-market thin plastic bag. Toss. Then put the wrap-around pantie on her and tape it on both sides. No talking. just do it.
Of course, you'll meet with resistance, but it's easier than removing all her slacks and maybe shoes in order to keep her clean. Good Luck!
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I'm with NotHisFault. My dad can be very stubborn at times and then if you wait 5 minutes and try something new he will agree to whatever the need is. I have tried bribery (he loves popcorn), threats (you can't stay here if you won't bathe), speed (swoop in and distract), joking (hold my nose and talk), etc. Everything that might work with a stubborn 2 year old is used in this project. I'm sorry but this is also a learn-as-you-go type problem. She may not object to anything after awhile. It's a challenge every day and always something new. Everyone is different so you have to keep trying things until you find what works for you. Good luck and God bless.
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Well, I read the comments on this board. The complaints of the caregivers often have the same theme. About two months before my Mom died, we were bringing here in the house from dialysis. He pants were filled with waste and the smell was horrible. I couldn't get her to the bathroom so I layed her on the floor until I could catch my breath. I looked down and saw her laying there in her own @rap. It was so absurd. We were pushing her like a farm animal, forcing her to keep going. I will never forget the hell of it all.
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