She moved to an assisted living place near me 4 months ago. She doesn't eat or socialize with other residents, hates bingo etc, but she's always been that way, nothing new. She's stated that she's lived too long, is just taking up room, feels guilty about my added responsibilities. f I reassure her constantly about how much I love her, how important she is, and that it's my joy to help with things. She won't take medication, just blood pressure and thyroid, rarely Tylenol for pain. She has memory problems, but not too bad compared to many. I try to have her go outside for fresh air, but she won't right now. She does go down from her apartment to order her meals, then back down to pick them up, so she gets out about 6 times a day, has a Visiting Angel come twice a week, and me the other days. Is there anything else I can do to give her a purpose to live and enjoy what she can? She's healthy, no diseases, and could conceivably live another decade, but not want to. She's never been diagnosed with a mental illness, though I have and am very familiar with depression. I don't think she would ever take antidepressants even if she were diagnosed.
Moving to a new place isn't easy. Just think of your last big move, four months you are still trying to learn what light switch works which light. Learn new sounds the furnace makes. What's that noise from the dishwasher? I heard scratching sounds from the attic !!
Did your Mom have any hobbies? My Dad had a huge fascination with the weather. Even though he didn't go to BINGO, painting classes, or any of the other activities, he was happy as a clam sitting in his recliner watch the local 24-hour news station. I always knew if I wanted to know about the local weather, I could call Dad :) Now Dad did enjoy eating with his table mates, he looked forward to that.
My late Mom had arthritis and I know how uncomfortable that was for her, but she would plow through her day doing housework. My Mom would have been like your Mom if she had lived in Assisted Living... but Mom, who use to be a social butterfly, stopped doing that once her eyesight and hearing went :(
Once an elder gets into their 90's, they have a right to be grumpy and there may be nothing we can do about it. And if they want ice cream for breakfast, let them have it :)