Mom moved to personal care and calls several times a day to come home. She has dementia. Will this ever end? The guilt is killing me. - AgingCare.com

Mom moved to personal care and calls several times a day to come home. She has dementia. Will this ever end? The guilt is killing me.

Follow
Share

She has only been there almost 3 weeks but it makes me want to bring her home although I know this is not possible without 24-hour care. She is not safe with her being alone now that my dad has passed away. I feel so helpless and guilty. I know she is being well cared for, that is not the problem. I just wish she could try to accept this or am I asking too much. Very stressful and emotional situation.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
5

Answers

Show:
Do not second guess yourself. You made the dicision to place her for the best all round reasons for her safety and your own well-being. You are equally important, remember. Don't let people guilt you on top of your own guilt--which is a false emotion, by the way. You made a wise, mature choice and she will adapt. Please be strong and live your life, knowing you are responsible and compassionate.
I confirm your choice, and I have been a hands on caregiver as well as one who made a decision to place my Mother in a nearby care home when I could no longer care for my Mother physically. Humans adapt to their environment. Take care, xo
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Many patients with dementia, will ask to go home, even when they are home. Even if you were physically able to bring her to your home, it might not make things any better.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Keeping Mom at home may be doable for some people, but don't feel guilty if you are unable to do it. I placed my mom in assisted living 6 months ago. She didn't adjust well at all. She begged to go home and I always felt guilty. After six months, she still talks about when she can go home, but she doesn't beg/demand to be taken home everyday. It has gotten better. Just hold on...this is one of the really hard parts, but it will get better. Try to divert her onto another topic. My mom cannot describe her house or tell me where it is...but she wants to go home. I believe she wants to go back to time when she wasn't sick and that is what home represents to her. Hang in there. Most of us have been in the same place as you.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I would bring her home. It is hard enough to to have dementia without being separated from familiar surroundings and your family. You wouldn't need 24 hour care- just when you are not home. There are respite care facilities and adult day cares or you can find someone who has been screened who can come and watch her when you can't. I have my grandmother who has Alzheimer's here, my mother who has many health problems, a friend dying of cancer, and now a Down syndrome child I am homeschooling who just lost his mother. It is doable!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I am so sorry you are getting stressed out. I wish I could tell you that it will be fine for sure at a certain time. Most of them do adjust and over time stop asking to go home. Try to limit your visits to help her rely upon the people that surround her for conversation and assistance. Sometimes people have compared the emotions of caregiving to raising children. Some parents can't bear the emotion of their young children begging to not be left at school. You have made a good rational choice, be strong for yourself.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions