I need to vent and I find this forum most helpful. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 gallbladder cancer in 2016 at age 56. We have always been an extremely close family (mom and I even worked together for 7 years) and when this happened and she grew increasingly ill, she lost her job and I quit shortly after because of how they treated us. My husband and I decided we were paying rent to a landlord anyway and my parents had extra space, so to help with their bills and care taking we moved in (husband’s idea, he is the person I wish I could be.) We took great care of her but she unfortunately passed a little over a year ago. The caregiving was very demanding and hospice even told us they were surprised that we were able and willing to do what we did individually and as a family too. My mom had a lot of extremely open wounds towards the end that were not able to heal and to put it shortly it was very hard and damaged me a lot with only being 25, along with having to go through the regular grieving that loss brings.
Dad took it extremely hard which I can’t imagine that pain so while I can’t say I understand, I do empathize. He sort of fell to me to support him emotionally which I genuinely like to do for other people. For the past few months I’ve changed as a person and I’m ready to start my life back up with my husband. We want our own home, kids, things that I never thought I’d have to lust over because of the guilt that the thought of leaving my dad behind brings. My dad thinks that we should have kids in his house so he can help and then when the house gets overcrowded we can all move to a bigger one that we buy and then he can pay us rent. I feel that this is all very unfair to my husband but at the same time it kills me to think that someone going through such pain could just be left behind. For the past year I’ve tried getting him involved with new hobbies, dropping hints that part time work would be good for him, etc, all to no avail. I know in my gut he is not my responsibility but when I see him upset every night and he confides in me, how do you bring up “hey, I know you’re going through a lot and are super depressed, but we’re moving out, you’re not coming with us, and you’ll also be short $600/month too.” Everyone preaches to me that we need our own life as husband and wife and it drives me crazy that I know it too, but I can’t figure out how to start acting on it. I’ve vaguely mentioned it and he gets very sad and unintentionally guilt trips me. I’d love to hear other’s thoughts on this but please be gentle. Thank you for your time.