My mom passed on Saturday. Is it wrong that I don't want to include my sister's father's name in the obituary? - AgingCare.com

My mom passed on Saturday. Is it wrong that I don't want to include my sister's father's name in the obituary?

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My mom passed on Saturday. As we were preparing the write up in the news paper my sister says we need to put her father in there. In the part that says proceeds in death. I had it removed due to the fact she was 3 has always gotten mad when you mention him because she says she never knew him. So I found that a strange request and he comitted sucide leaving my mom with my siblings oldest was 5. His family never helped my mom if my for my moms parents she would of been homeless. So mom had nothing but bad memories of that was I so wrong in not mentioning there dad when all I've ever heard is we didn't know know him. It's made my life a living h*ll. It's hard enough now I have to deal with this and everything else for my mom. On top of all this we lost our dad in December.

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Make the obituary a memorial to your Mom, omit the "survived by" portion, or name only her own children by first names only. Omit the "preceded in death by" portions, omit her husband(s) too.

Make it only about this lovely person that has passed.

When I am dead, please don't mention any of my relatives, they might be hiding.
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I am assuming Mom was married twice. So this man was not your father? Did Mom ever express that she hated him? U can't take it out on the husband for what his family doesn't do. Suicidevis caused by depression. Person feels they have no other choice. How do your other siblings feel?

If she was devorced, no I wouldn't mention him. If she was happy with him before the suicide then I see no problem with saying she was predeceased by husbands so and so and so in so.
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I agree with Katiekate. The memorial should read the way your mother would have wanted it. I started the memorial for the paper BEFORE my partner died. I was able to ask him questions. We both worked on it. His kids were so mean to me that I had a hard time at burial. Without going into all the threats, I will just say the police and Hospice minister had to be on call if they even showed up. Now I did not wish to use their names anywhere, but I KNEW he would want them mentioned even though he knew what they were like with me. He knew I would have an even bigger problem with them if I did not mention them. People can be so darn mean.
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My dad and mom were separated in 1963, my dad committed suicide in 1968. My mom was very angry at him for a very long time, almost a lifetime. She remarried at 80, second husband passed 7 months before mom. Dad was mentioned in the obit as first husband. Are you maybe feeling against mentioning him because of other stuff between you and half sister? I think family members that were important in their lives, particularly if they were a parent should be mentioned. It is not worth damage it could cause to other relationships. Especially with your half sister.
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Personally, I just think it is a matter of fact. She had two husbands. Both of them died before she did -- they preceded her in death. When there is a list of relatives who preceded the deceased in death, there is no implication that the deceased approved of these people, or loved them, or even necessarily knew them. They are just relatives who have died. Since in this case Mom did have a child with this husband and she was married to him at the time he died, naming him seems appropriate. If they had been divorced at the time of his death, that might be a different story.

People showed up at my father's memorial service that we would never have thought to notify -- mostly our childhood friends who knew him years ago and wanted to be their for us. So I think a public obituary can serve a useful purpose.

Is it worth sisters becoming estranged over? Goodness, I don't think so!

It is only a few days since Mother died. Both sisters are emotionally raw. Perhaps it is best to just leave this subject alone until everyone is feeling more stable.
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We never had an obit for my Mom. I wanted one but everyone else in the family said it was too expensive and so that was that. I do believe my Mom would have wanted one cause in her private photo albums I found, she had saved all the obituaries, marriage announcements, etc. so obviously that was something she thought was important. I think I will wait until the next anniversary of her death and have something in the paper for her. I won't even check with my siblings cause then they will probably want me to say things for them. They had their chance..............
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Just me, but we're a private family. For myself I wouldn't want any close or distant or deceased relation mentioned in my obituary who was not a positive part of my life, and definitely not if I had really bad experience with them. I certainly wouldn't want my daughters to mention my ex even though he was their father! My husband said if anything happened to him I am to make sure neither his ex or his estranged son is to be mentioned or involved in any way.
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Angels13, my heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.

When it comes to obituaries I think differently. By now all your Mom's relatives and close friends have knowledge of her passing and when the services would be held, thus would an obit really be necessary?

When my parents had past last year, neither one had an obituary mainly because they both were very private people. I felt the less of their personal knowledge out there, the better, especially in today's world.

One could do an one year anniversary memorial in the newspaper. Usually the date of birth and date of passing are mentioned, with a short 3 line memory, usually signed "from your loving family".
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People all mourn differently, sounds like sis has a particular reason for wanting his name mentioned, but I'd stick with what Mom wanted. Period.

I wrote daddy's obit, had mother read it and she said "perfect" and that was that. Obituaries are for life remembrances and actually, many people write their own! Do what mom wanted, and let sis be mad. She'll find something else to fuss over now.

Actually, it's probably a done deal by now. I hope this doesn't affect your relationship with sis. Time will heal a lot of wounds.

I'm sorry for your loss.
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I guess, My thought since this is important to your sister even though not to others, just sometimes not worth fighting over. If you guys have same mom and I think here father, I have found for myself the hard way that siblings, relatives think differently and maybe no one is right. I don't know, I just have learned time is precious, My mom has Dementia and Parkesins Disease. Try talking to your sister and explain your feelings and try to understand hers. I have found also that no two people think the same, no matter who you are. I hope this helps some, maybe !
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