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I don't believe she can live on her own, and would require either you have her live with you or assisted living facility. Having her doctor prescribe sedatives will only mask the underlying problem and will greatly increase her likelihood of losing her balance, falling, and would be even more dangerous living alone.
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Maybe it is time for Assisted Living. It would relieve anxiety for both of you. Once we got mom settled in, the panic attacks ceased. She does however, push the call button just to see how long it takes them.
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Babalou, I have two siblings. My sister, who is 69 and is retired, lives about 50 minutes away. She's had a slew of health issues over the past few years and even when she is feeling well doesn't visit mom and she has never offered to come for an afternoon and take her shopping or whatever. We only see her on holidays and birthdays. Reason being is that she and mom are like oil and water together. My sister can't handle being around mom for more than five minutes. The extent of their relationship is a phone call every Sunday.

My brother, 66 and also retired, lives 20 minutes away. Before he was retired, he would hardly ever even call mom...sometimes two months would go by before he'd call. He hardly ever helped out with her. It always fell to me and I was deeply resentful. Now that he's retired, he's doing a lot more and filling in for me when I'm too busy to take mom on errands. But he's useless in dealing with mom's emotional needs.

As for me, I'm 58 and I run my own business. I absolutely love what I do, but it's not unusual for me to work seven days a week for two or three months before taking a weekend off. At this point, I haven't had a day off since January 1. Yet, my schedule is flexible enough to help mom out most of the time. However, I get darn tired and emotionally drained trying keeping my business going and attending to mom's needs. And I have struggled with anxiety issues for years. Such is my life.
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Cat, you need to be able to go on vacation! Do you have siblings? You mentioned neighbors, are there any who would be willing to look out for mom for a week while you get away?

I have 2 brothers, one is not very involved, but the three of us all agree that life needs to go on. Mom has been declining since 2009. We refuse to put our lives on hold and we each take at least a week twice a year to go no contact; either by going away or just being unavailable. We all have high stress jobs and getting away from stress is simply a necessary part of one's mental and physical health.

There are many ways to work this out, facility respite, paid caregivers coming into the home. One third of all caregivers die before their charges do. Just do it.
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Yup, been there, done that, too! Our moms sound very alike and my reaction was similar -- extremely uncomfortable. Mine would even threaten to change the locks when I was leaving for work, because she didn't want me to leave. And then the tears would fall...so hard to drive away, compose myself and get through the day, when it starts out that way. But shrug it off, you must. And take that vacation now, while you still can. As things progress, it will become more difficult for you to pry yourself away, and you absolutely need to take care of yourself, first.
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Thanks for your input, zookeeper and babalou. Mom has always been a hyper, demanding person and it's gotten worse in her old age. She also flips out completely when she misplaces something or if something in her condo goes wrong (like a small leak in her bathroom). A big part of this is her low vision...she can't see well enough to find things or fix small things, even though she has neighbours who are more than happy to help her. She is very reliant on me, which has never been comfortable for me, to be honest. I haven't had a week-long vacation out of town for years because even I go away for a weekend, she gets all upset that I'm not around to help her. That's another issue, though.
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I agree with Zoo. For my mom, these episodes of panic were probably caused by a small stroke. Took us a while to catch on that mom was not as capable as previously and that almost anything sent her into a tailspin. Independent Living helped (there was always someone around) as sid antidepressants.
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OK, CatB, it sounds like mom is showing signs of early dementia, and you need to take mom to the doctor to get an assessment. This clinginess, especially since it is out of character, is common when dementia sufferers start to realize something isn't right. In some cases, the sufferer isn't even aware they are being clingy, but knows something inside isn't right. That causes great fear and anxiety. It's only natural, I guess, to try to hold onto the person you trust the most, and it's clear that for your mom, that person is you. Yes, you are going to need to set some boundaries, but you cannot do that until you really know what mom is facing. I also went through the torture of not being able to take a shower, or miss a phone call, or be late, or have a life of my own -- and it was h*ll. Nip it in the bud now, while you can. If you are not prepared to take over as her caregiver, then start now to get the appropriate people in place, so that burden doesn't fall on you when you are least equipped to handle it. The feelings you have now will not go away -- they will only get more intense as her needs grow, and you have to find ways to cope with that and with the challenges to your sanity, health and well-being that come along with caregiving our parents.
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Thanks for you input, Chicago. Mom sees her doctor at least every two months to discuss minor aches and pains that he can do nothing about. Sedatives aren't a wise choice for her...she's unsteady on her feet at the best of times.
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My own mother did this. She went from totally independent to clingy. It was such a change. She drove my sister nuts. I would say "Don't answer the phone." But, if she did that, there would be hell to pay, from Mother.

I don't suppose your mom will go for a physical and get on a sedative? She would be much better off.

She drove my sister to an early death and is now, chipper, clean and loving life in the nursing home. She will be 96, in March.
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