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Have a question for a friend that is on a death watch for her mom. Mom is in coma, is only getting a little morphine and has had nothing to eat or drink for 9 days. We know you can live without food but water? We both thought she would be gone by now. She flew up to be with her mom at the drop of a hat due to a phone call from NH thinking she wouldn't even have time to say goodbye or get there in time. Mom is even puzzling hospice. Has anyone else had this happen?

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Her body no longer processes food or water. To try to give her any would probably do her more harm than good. As the body shuts down it can not process food so it would just sit in the stomach and not breakdown as it should. Worse she may vomit aspirating particles.
Offer a moistened swab to keep lips and mouth moist.
She is in peace and not in pain.
The best thing your friend can do is just be there hold her hand tell her Mom that she loves her.
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My mom passed after 14 days. Hospice gives out literature about what to expect during the final days. May be helpful if your friend reads that. For me it was almost a comfort knowing what to expect. 🙏
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Please you need to tell her it is ok for her to go. She can rest now. She can truly hear you, i believe this with every fiber of my being. A loved on needs to be told it is ok, that they can rest now. Everyone will be ok. Tell them you love them.
I have had alot of experience with family and close friends in hospice.
All that you have described, is part of the process physically, there is still the emoitional process I believe
You need to tell the loved one its ok to rest, to leave this body and all here will be ok with time.
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Yes, my mother died after 15 days, almost 30 years ago. I'll will never forget it.
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One more thing, After sitting by my mother's side for 15 days and wondering if she was suffering, I was almost at the breaking point myself as none of my siblings showed up. The nurses suggested that I go home to rest. And my mother passed away in the night. Was my presence holding her back? She looked so peaceful in the morning. Blessings to you all.
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Perfect answer Grandma 👍
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Our mom lasted 10 days without food or water, completely baffling doctors and Hospice. After witnessing this phenomena, I am convinced that, at this point, they go when THEY are ready. It was a privilege to be with her and escort her home.
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Ninon43, yes I have heard that some people prefer to pass when no one is around.

For my Mom I stayed at the nursing home for two full days as Hospice said time was very near. My Mom had also stopped eating and drinking, and I knew it was just a matter of time. Now I found this so fascinating, while channel surfing in the wee hours of the morning I found Mom's favorite movie just starting so I let it play. Within minutes of the movie ending, Mom passed away. Somehow that made it easier for me. The movie was "Smokey & The Bandit".

I told Hospice about the movie, Hospice said it is possible for someone to be in a coma and still hear, thus my Mom waited until the movie was over. Coincidental maybe.
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Amazing, Mwyatt1214.. Thank you for sharing. My mother was a very private person who believed you should keep all you thoughts to yourself. Did not ever say anything that was not in her eyes "proper". Religious, did not question "authority" . Did not spoil her children with perceived frivolity or express much emotions. She was unable to share her feelings. Maybe she did not want anyone to witness her death. Hugs to all families going the imminent death of a loved one.
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I've said it before and will say it again.....I love and am so thankful that I found this site. Thanks for all the hugs and support and back at you.
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