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My mom and I have always been close. She is 93, has Alzheimer's and has lived with me for about 2 years. During that time, she attended an adult day care and always new who I was. She always called me by name and introduced me as her daughter. She was very comfortable in my home but always believed she was just visiting me. She moved to AL on August 1st and I hired a geriatric care manager to move her (I couldn't do it). I was told to wait 30 days to let her transition. The first week, she was waiting for me to pick her up. The second week - she called me on the phone and I reassured her about a few things. The last two times I visited her - she showed no reaction (happy to see me or anger) and I don't think she knew who I was. Staff asked her who I was and she couldn't answer. Later that day she asked me "how our father was"; she did have a sister. I am shocked that she could forget me in such a short time. I now wish I visited her sooner. Is this typical, an out-of-sight-out of mind reaction; or could it be transfer trauma that expedited the Alzheimer's? I have always been told stories about people asking to go home, once they are in AL. Mom doesn't do that, this is he new reality. Last time I was there, she said "oh I have visitors", but didn't acknowledge me as her daughter. I am just shocked that she could forget me so quickly.

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Pretty much you've answered the question.
With this statement. She moved to AL on August 1st and I hired a geriatric care manager to move her (I couldn't do it).

Yes it is typical of Alzheimer's.

Now you need to relate to her different state. You'll become familiar as a visitor unless you try to remind her in little gestures of your past. Sometimes maybe she will recognize you. But not always. My friends who had a very large family said their mom recognized her husband of 60 years as "my friend who visits" not by his name. The face and your face can trigger the memories I think. But you have to learn how to relate and accept her as she is now. And the abscence may have made the difference in her more apparent to you.
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Some times it just happens that way. My grandmother was placed in a nursing home for a issues other than dementia, but she eventually did have it. When my mom would go to visit it her, it was very hard because Grandma would ask "Who are you?" or call her by someone else's name. After sitting with her for awhile, Grandma would remember who my Mom was. Now, a couple of decades later, my Mom has dementia, and she forgets who some of our relatives are when they visit. It's difficult to know that someday she may not remember who I am. But I read this on another post, when the day comes that she doesn't remember me, what will be important is that I REMEMBER who and who SHE is.
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Don't be shocked that your Mom doesn't remember you, it's just a part of the disease progression. My Mom with dementia is in a care facility and I visit not daily but regularly several times a week. Sometimes she knows me, more often than not she doesn't. Sometimes she thinks I'm her sister. Most of the time I think she recognizes my face as someone she knows but doesn't know who. She almost always seems glad for the visit.
I'd encourage you to try and put your feelings aside and realize that it is not your Mom that has forgotten you but a disease that has robbed her of precious memories. Just go with the flow. If today she thinks you are her sister, so be it. Don't try and correct her. Just enjoy the time you have with her, no matter who she thinks you are.
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In response to Consider this:

I consulted many dementia experts who told me there would be a transition period and I should wait. I actually was going to visit after 3 weeks, but was sick and could not. She is not that close due to cost - so I can only visit during the weekends. During the second week, we did speak on the phone, she knew who I was and said "honey what would I do without you".

I don't think her reaction is resentment at all. My mom is very sweet and seem's content. During one visit - she thought I was her sister. I just believe this is her new reality - and what was is now forgotten. Her brain is dying. Now that she is out of my home, those memories are gone. She has no recollection of living with me for two years. I just didn't think it would happen so soon.

Maybe someone without Alzheimer's would think that way you described but that is not the case here. Another person who posted earlier had the same reaction from her husband.

My mom is in an excellent facility, they are not short staffed. I have had her on the waiting list for almost a year - because that is the only place I wanted to place her. When we visit, she always takes me on a tour - invites me into her room. She tells she me that she has her eye on one of the doctor's and has gone on many dates. My mom is very delusional and has been for years. When I visit she never asks me to take her home, or tells me she wants to leave.

I think her reaction is the progression of the disease.
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There is one thing I remembered about my Mom, who was in long-term-care who was in her last stage of dementia, I was always happy that when my Mom saw me she would remember my name. It wasn't until she took a nap and I was sitting not far from her, an Aide came in and my Mom called her by my name [we didn't have the same name].

After awhile when my Dad would visit, Mom thought he was her brother. And my Mom stopped recognizing my sig other. It was just the progress of dementia.
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Please consider other contributing non Alzheimer's factors that surely affect a person being uprooted from everything & everybody familiar & loved & then seemingly abandoned to the unknown & untrusted, unfamiliar housing, beds, bathrooms, foods, smells, sounds, routines, and strangers. Most "homes" are short staffed & assistance/attention is not the same as home. A shock to the system like that 30 day cutoff surely could cause a severe depression that results in memory loss & a sense of abandonment that could trigger deep anger & resentment resulting in their refusal to acknowledge a daughter. The advice you were given to not connect for 30 days transition time is cruel, uncommpassionate & ignorant!
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Compassionate5 start your own thread that outlines your issue or concern and I'm sure you'll get some good answers. These forums go all over the world, so there are caregivers in all manner of situations.

I'm just so, so sad for those of you with loved ones who no longer recognize you. My heart goes out to you.
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Is no one caring for friends or siblings? Issues are somewhat different.
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Compassionate5, the forum is for aging care, be it parent, spouse, sibling or friends.
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The experiences seem to be about Mom and Pop care. What about sibling care?
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Oh DoreenC, I'm so sorry. Tears are just streaming down my face this morning reading this and the responses. And Rainmom, what a beautiful moment. I try to always keep in mind that even if my Mom doesn't know who I am, I always know who she is. When I enter her room, I no longer say "Hi, it's me (or your daughter)". I always say "Hi Mom, it's Deon". Some days she tells me about her daughter Deon or other family members as if I don't know them. You did the right thing DoreenC. When my Mom was solely dependent on me for care it was irresponsible of me.
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It is heartbreaking seeing your loved one slowly forget you. In my case, its my husband. He's been staying in a memory care facility since April, it was dufficult but it's the only way I can do to keep him safe from himself and avoid getting hurt or hurting others. His condition started slowly its been 3 years before doctors finally diagnosed it as Dementia, initial diagnosis was Psychosis Not Otherwise specified. He had multiple admissions in the ER and Behavioral Health Units, multiple car issues wherein he'll just abandon our car. Anyway, i come visit him weekly. He doesnt remember me as his wife buyt rather tell staffs and other residents im his fiancee. Im allowed to take him out on pass, i would bring him home to show him pictures. He would remember his father and stepmother, but when I showed him our photos together nothing. He would often ask about my husband. Every weekend when I come see him, he's different and I am a different person to him...his fiancee, daughter,sister, friend, social worker. At first it hurt but Im trying to get pass it and just focus on him. My consolation to see him smile, chatting about whatever comes to mind lije bits and pieces of memories oast and present mixed together. Recently, i was overjoyed as he was pointing the way while i drive. He remembered! and even pointed to me "oh thats the way to the grocery where I go all the time" . Just be there for your mom. Create new memories. I do journaling and it helped me a lot.
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Thanks for the kind words. Caring for someone with dementia is so heartbreaking. We do have the memory box and she knows that I provided the pictures. I believe staff has told her that. She also acknowledged that I bought things for her (bedding etc.). Thirty days ago, she was calling me by name, now she does not. She doesn't even recall living with me for the last 2 years.

My mom is considered high functioning, she can dress herself, feed herself etc. but she also fools many people. Some of the staff members said she appears normal, but she is highly delusional and cannot remember what was said a second ago. Physically she is amazing for a 93 year old, and only uses reading glasses. She needs no assistance walking, no canes. Compared to the other residents in memory care - she can do a lot more for herself. The opening came up and we placed her wandering was becoming a problem. I also was hospitalized and it was an eye opener for me. I do fear though that there has been a step change in her mental function.
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DoreenC, this must be a shock and I'm so sorry for how it must make you feel. But please don't let it make you think it was a mistake to secure an AL place for her, and please don't second-guess yourself about how the process was handled. You can only do your best, and you can only rely on the advice you're given.

It is early days; there will have been stress associated with the move even if your mother, happily, doesn't seem to have been upset by it; she is surrounded by new faces, which must be confusing (how is her eyesight, by the way?); and there has been an abrupt change in her routine. There may *also* have been a step-change in her mental function, but the other factors may recede after a while as she settles down. I hope so.
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On one of my last visits when my mom was up and about I got the feeling she didn't know who I was. After about an hours visit in a common area I wheeled her back to her room and helped her into her recliner for a short nap before dinner. As I was leaning near her to say goodbye she placed both of her hands over mine and said "you're my daughter". I'm grateful mom passed before all her memories deserted her altogether.
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My cousin's ability to recall and recognize people varies. I never know what to expect and she may be one way for months and then change back, so, I try not to get too distracted, because, it's likely, she will fluctuate again. Of course, there is the inevitable progression that is just going to happen.

I do dread when she will not know who I am, but, it will happen. I have to accept that. Though, I know it must be so painful to actually see it as her daughter. Still, as posted upthead. I think they still realize that it's a familiar face and someone who loves them.
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DoreenC, being your Mom has been in her new "home" for about a month it might still take time for her to adjust. New room, new faces, new food, new noises, new smells, even the sun doesn't come in the window like it use to.... yikes, all this new stuff to remember. Might be remember overload for now.

Now here is an idea, this is what they do in my Dad's memory care complex. Next to each person's apartment door is a shadow box where the Staff have a photo of the person.... his/her name.... and various information such as the name of their child(ren), names of any grandchildren and great-grandchildren... list of hobbies... and what was their main employment, if any... where they grew up and list of places where they have lived. I have noticed when the residents go into their room, they will stop and look at their shadow box. I think it helps them remember who they are and a bit of their life :)
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My mom mostly knows who I am because there is just the two of us. There are days, though, that she recognizes me as C_____, but not necessarily as her daughter. And then there are days she doesn't know me at all. I'm pretty sure that if she was in a care facility with many caregivers coming and going it would be harder for her to figure out my place in her life and I would soon become one among many.
Dementia is sad, but even if she forgets who you are she will recognize that you are a familiar face, someone who loves and cares for her.
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I tend to think this is just the Alzheimer's progression. It had to happen sometime, it just happened to coincide with the move. You may find recognition comes and goes. Pretty common.
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