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My Mom has dementia. I got a helper from a caregiver service for mom to help mom in the bathroom and bath her. This was a great help for me and release some stress on me. However mom did not feel comfortable and she got confused after. I know this is not comfortable to any one especially if the helper will clean and dry private parts. When I was bathing her I never dried or cleaned her by towel there (respecting her privacy). After bathing her I only wrap her with towel to dry. I felt so sorry for mom and felt with a lot of guilt. I love mom but really getting help bathing and cleaning her will release some stress on me. I will tell the helper do not dry or rub mom there.
To be honest I did not like any one to see mom under shower and violate her privacy. The worst when I felt mom was upset, weak and confused and she was not able to say no. May be she felt humiliation. Please any one advice. Does this will affect her emotionally and mentally? I do not want to worsen her health or condition. I want to make her happy and comfortable

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Guess this is some thing we all have to get used to when there are male aides providing care in hospitals and NH these days. Keeping genital areas covered as much as possible and having those who are able wash those parts themselves. When drying keep as much of the body covered with large warm towels as possible and just pat dry. having some background musical playing makes everything more relaxing.
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im fine with being bathed by a ( female ) stranger . ive converted to a rainwater collection system for household water and with a little scrubbing i believe the soap suds would run clear over to town . ( its soft water you know ) ..
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Yes, I just found the product at a website for assisting Florida seniors. It's called the Honor Guard and they have a variety of sizes and styles for purchase.
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I wasn't sure that I could say the actual name or website on this forum.... If it's not in violation the product is called ...honor guard garment. I loooove it.
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Yes your mother must be cleaned and you can make it easy on you and or your caregiver with favorite soaps, music in bathroom( or in place so she can hear her favorite songs) talking to her telling her what your are doing while bathing her .It is important to gather everything in bathroom before you start so you don't have to go gather clothes, diaper etc.
Same time if you can everyday or when it seems good for her. You don't want any infection-bladder etc. for you mom which can make things harder for her and you! I learn these things as time went on with my husband who I shower as often as I can if he does not want the caregiver to do it or touch him. He is warming up to the caregiver but it does take time for this to happen. I'm sure you are doing the best you can Hugs and Love to YOU!
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I was intrigued with this idea so I did some research online. The nylon garment looks fantastic but I wasn't able to see anywhere to actually buy one. The brilliance on the use of fabrics like nylon is that they aren't absorbing water the way even the lightest tea towel would, which is why I always felt the whole idea was impractical. Thanks for posting this.
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The one I have... is a two piece set that she actually wears in the shower. The top is like a halter top so The front is covered and the back is exposed. The bottom is like a little skirt ... It has slits on each side so once in the shower chair she or the carer can Easily lift the front or back to wash her private parts. They are made of very light weight nylon material... Like a windbreaker. They both are secured by Velcro. So in this same way... You could use a couple of very lightweight towels to keep her covered. As another person mentioned you could let her wear a very light weight housedress in the shower as well.
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Thanks KDsMom . how the shower garment allows to shower. does this will be as a layer to clean the skin. and the same for the towels. yes I agree before showering cover mom with towel is a must but in the shower I am not understanding. Please let me know
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As her youngest child and only daughter, after a few times, both my mom and I got used to/more comfortable with me helping her wash up or shower. When we started having an aide come in to help with personal care, including showing and dressing I purchased a shower garment that she could wear for modesty. If she had an accident when I or one of the two regular carers wasn't around.... My brother or sil would get her cleaned up...they would use the garment as welll. It's really neat, not too cumbersome. A towel or two as she bathes can serve the samepurpose as well...to maintain her dignity n modesty. When she is ready to get out.... Just have her dry towels n her robe at the ready. Shower chair, handheld shower head n a long handled showerhead are all very helpful.
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Thanks you all for answering. I thought I am not doing the right decision to get a helper to avoid any embarrassment to mom. I always bathe her. But I was thinking out of respect should not clean private area. but again you all right. I feel much better now and I know this the best for mom
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"I want to make her happy and comfortable."

Keeping her clean is an important part of that. If mom gets an open sore from her incontinence and the ammonia in her urine, you will understand how important keeping her clean is to her well-being.

Your personal feelings of embarrassment for your mom notwithstanding, at least once a week mom must be thoroughly cleaned. She will get used to a caregiver. She must. And YOU must.

Buy some fancy mild soap, some nice smelling powders, a lovely plush robe in her favorite color, some snugly slippers, and support the caregiver you've hired. No small part of caregiving is doing what's right even when it's uncomfortable.
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I agree with everybody, cwillie's right, the crotch area must be cleaned. As well as other difficult areas, like under each fold of skin, need to be cleaned or sores and fungus can develop. If your mother doesn't have full range of motion in her shoulders and back, then she probably cannot clean herself thoroughly. Watch the aide a few times to make sure she is gentle yet thorough. Keep explaining to your mother that "this is a professional. her job is to help elderly people like you. She does this all the time. She is good at it. It is better for you, and me, if we let the bath aide do this." I think she will get used to it, and even get to like it. Make sure the room is warm, and have the bath aide put on lotion afterward, to have something enjoyable to end the session. Then tell her how pretty she looks and how sweet she smells. If your mother does not get used to it, maybe she needs to wear a gown in the shower. The aide can reach under it, but at least your mother wouldn't feel naked, if that mortifies her. I think it will all work out soon.
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Jobs = boobs, I hate spellcheck, sorry
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When I bathed my mom I did it with a shower chair. I would tell her exactly was i was doing , I am going to wash your arms, ok let me get under your jobs cause that get sweaty, etc. when I stood her up i would say I am going to wash your but then Ian going to do your front real quick. There were no suprises, she knew exactly what I was doing and I talked the entire time. Shower was done before she realized it. As her mobility decreased one of my sons (only person i had, nursing student) sat in the back of the shower so she wouldn't fall over, I kept a towel over her lap and told mom he would keep his eyes closed. My mother would always say thank you for helping to my son when we were done. I always made a big fuss about how good it felt to be clean, pur cream and perfume in mom when done . Another area to wash and dry is between the toes and fingers. As long as I talked my mom thru things, it was much easier on her.
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Nobody likes the idea of strangers helping them bathe, but it has to be done! As the aide and your mother get more familiar with each other it will hopefully become less awkward for her.
As for cleaning her perineal area, that needs to be done as well, especially if she has issues with incontinence. Usually a bath aide can hand them a washcloth and let them clean themselves if they are still able.
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Bathed. Sorry for typo
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I'm confused by your question. Is mom upset or do you "think" mom is upset? Is she refusing to be barhed by a helper? Can you have a talk with mom and the helper next time and set out what mom wants?
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