Mom non responsive to my verbal commands. - AgingCare.com

Mom non responsive to my verbal commands.

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I care for my mom (96) and have for past 3 years living with me. She either ignores me or does the opposite. when her hearing aid batteries go out at in appropriate times I have to raise my voice to her and at times it sounds harsh. Sometimes it probably is but never abusive. This goes on 24 hrs a day 7 days a week. Someone said I was abusing my mother by talking to her that way. I tried to explain about her hearing aid batteries had gone out and as soon as I cleaned her up from using the bathroom I would go and get replacements out of her room. I was so angry at that person! Am I wrong?

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I have a retarded sister, who hears me, but her brain takes three seconds to process the information. What works for us is that I gently touch her and say "wait" or "move". The combination of speech and touch seems to work better. See if that works.
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I explained to my husband more than once in his more lucid moments that when I had to shout at him it sounded angry and since I didn't want to sound angry I wouldn't shout. He had to wear his hearing aids. If he didn't hear me and I saw he didn't have his hearing aids in I'd tap my ear and he'd get the message and put the aids in. It was a struggle for years! I really, really didn't want to shout at him, and we mostly managed to avoid it.

My mother didn't wear hear aids but had impaired hearing. I did have to raise my voice to repeat things. Usually it was just a word or two that she heard wrong. At least she never complained that I was yelling at her.
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I have the same problem with my mother. It is one of the most frustrating things to me to have to say things over and over, louder and louder. Another frustrating thing is sometimes she gives me that twisted face look that she can't hear, so I say something over. She says, "I heard you. Why are you yelling at me?" That is the most frustrating. (Bump head on wall)
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Wow. I totally expected to be chastised because of this and was scared to even post my concern but now I am glad I did. Churchmouse and cwillie and paula58, thank you for taking the time to respond and for sharing your experiences.
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I've found that after the third or fourth repeat with increasing volume it really is shouting angrily because by that time I'm starting to get p-ed off. I'm never sure if she hears, doesn't hear, doesn't understand or just is off wherever she goes in her head, it is frustrating! As difficult as it is caring for someone who no longer walks I am grateful that she stays where I put her, those of you dealing with an adult size 2 year old -willful and into everything- have my sympathy.
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You are not wrong, no. It is infuriating when one is given counsels of perfection - in this case, perfection would mean never raising one's voice to one's frail elderly mother. Reality, however, is not perfect; and as you describe sometimes it is necessary to speak in a harsher, more strident tone than one would like.

But there is the natural immediate reaction, of feeling angry, to this person's meddling; and then there is the more patient, considered reaction to his or her underlying good intentions. The "positive good intention" of your critic is to prevent your mother from being spoken to unkindly. Well, you agree with that! You too would like not to speak to your mother in a way that seems unkind, even if it isn't really.

So once you have taken a deep breath, counted to ten (or a hundred) and reflected briefly, the thing to do is to thank the person for his or her concern, explain the difficulty, and assure the person that your mother's welfare is in safe hands. You may also feel like advising that person in return to consider the practical difficulties of particular circumstances before he or she hands out criticism: that way, he or she is less likely to be given a thick ear by someone less patient than yourself in future.
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Good morning Ms. Rita2, I am going through the same thing you are! My husband and I moved in with moma 9 years ago after my daddy died. Moma wears a hearing aid also and sometimes I get so frustrated with her I could scream! She will say something to me that requires a verbal response and when I answer her she looks at me like I am stupid or have three heads, so I keep repeating my response, getting louder each time I answer her and usually after about the fourth time she says I can't hear you. I will ask ( stupid me) if her hearing aid is working and she just shrugs. Finally, in total frustration, I take her hearing aid out and replace the batteries! Sometimes she tells me all I do is yell at her, so I have started telling her "moma, I'm not yelling at you, I'm talking loud because I don't know if you can hear me or not!" No one should be judging any of us caretakers because they do not know what it's like taking care of a loved one 24/7!! So no I do not think you are wrong but then again maybe we both are,
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