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Mom would probably be all right with having someone stay at our house with her when I work overnight, but she complains that they talk too much and keep her awake.  She has mid-stage Alzheimer's. I hired a sleepover person a few weeks ago, and she IS very chatty, but its no good if she doesn't know when to shut up and let mom rest. I'd like to hire someone else to stay in the back bedroom of our house, who will only engage with mom if its obvious that she needs help with anything. Someone mom may not even know is there half the time. Mom hates the intrusion, but if the worker just chats with her for a short time and then let's mom be for the rest of the night, that's what would be ideal. Does this sound crazy?

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A nightshift caregiver should know that their responsibilities include getting your mom ready for bed, helping your mom into bed and getting her comfortable, asking your mom if there's anything she needs before she goes to sleep and then turning off the light so your mom can go to sleep. A caregiver that stands around and chats with your mom while your mom is ready to go to sleep may need to be reminded that your mom needs her sleep and that after your mom is in bed she is not to be disturbed unless your mom needs something in the middle of the night.

Wanting someone who will just exchange calm, nighttime pleasantries with your mom for a few minutes before your mom goes to sleep should be the norm and does NOT sound crazy. A chatterbox at night is crazy.
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Sounds perfectly reasonable to me...my Mom (moderate dementia, possible severe) doesn't like super chatty people, or people who talk too fast regardless of time of day, she especially doesn't like bossy or opinionated people. Sometimes it takes a while to find a good fit....my issue is getting Mom to accept caregivers AT ALL.....good luck!
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Hi - since you are not there to know what's really going on, should you discuss it with this too-chatty gal and see what she says is going on during this time? It'd be good to know if your mom is actually up and walking around, or calling out or something and this gal is trying to keep her calm. Just a thought!
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I agree with ZDAROV: if chatty girl is chatty tell her to 'not chat'
OR is it because YOU are not into her and think she is too chatty. maybe get someone else. Tell them the rules and get a baby monitor or one of those camera APPS where you can watch your mom when you are not home :)
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hi, just a thought why don't you put in wireless cameras from lorex they use electrical outlet and have a app for your cell phone to keep and eye on your mom and the caregiver the camera has a microphone so you can hear and talk to whose in the room. I did this with my aunt and momma to keep and eye on them when I had to go to the store and run errands quickly. My local police said it was alright I was breaking any privacy issues.
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Tell the hired person not to talk to your mother unless needed.
Most caregivers talk too much and that is confusing for persons with memory loss, as with your mother.
As a biz owner, I find those hiring a caregiver for the first time are often reluctant to instruct new caregivers about their responsibilites. But caregivers are not mind readers and many would prefer knowing your preferences than not. If you feel uncomfortable speaking directly to the caregiver, then write them down or type them out. Then you can go over the instructions with the caregiver.
Kudos to you for posting your question.
best-ann
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I agree with Zdarov as well. My Mother has temporal lobe dementia. Delusions are part of the disease. I am with my Mom 24/7 and she routinely reports events, conversations, situations that are nonexistent. One wants to believe one's parent, but it is often fallacy to believe everything that is said as truth. Have a talk with the caregiver.
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Liver lips write out the instructions for your caregivers and go over them with each new hire. Be very specific, i.e. don't enter room between 10pm and 6am unless mom calls or 2am change Depends and reposition mom things like that.
Many caregivers have very little formal training although they may have been doing the job for a long time so it is necessary to remind them to make sure medications are actually taken and things like drinks are within reach.
A hidden camera is a very good idea and make sure you leave snacks and drinks for the caregiver. Attention to their needs will get better care of Mom.
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liverlips486, you had mentioned the caregiver has use of the back bedroom.... usually when someone hires an overnight caregiver, that caregiver stays awake the whole evening, they never go to bed, or fall asleep at any time.

My Dad had a very catty Caregiver during one of the shifts, but I don't know if this caregiver was just chatty with me and much quieter when I wasn't there. Caregivers like to ask their patient questions to engage them in conversations, to find out their likes and dislikes, to learn about their past which most elders love to talk about.

I wouldn't even mentioned the talking to the Caregiver [it might not be what your Mom said], but would post a guideline for the caregiver to follow.... such as what time Mom likes to get ready for bed, if she likes to have the TV on before she falls asleep, if she likes the room dark or likes to have a low wattage lamp on, etc.

My Dad had a routine, the Caregiver would help him get up the stairs, Dad would take a shower, then get into his pj's, and would watch TV in bed until he finished the nightly news. After Dad was in bed, the Caregiver would do downstairs to watch TV or read, and since Dad's bedroom was right over the living room the Caregiver could hear the floor creak if Dad got out of bed. Then he/she would go upstairs and ask if Dad needed any help.
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"How am I supposed to hire someone and tell her to have no interaction with mom whatsoever?"

Simply tell them. You have hired them to care for your mom doing things the way she is accustom to doing them. As suggested, simply outline the routine and they follow it.

When my Mom was still home and I had to hire homecare, the company (licensed, bonded, insured!) first sent someone out to do an assessment and had the paperwork for developing a Plan of Care that outlines *exactly* what the care giver was responsible for and how they should interact with the client. Overnights are to stay awake during their entire shift. I had them sit (comfortably) outside moms bedroom to monitor and assist, should she wake. They usually brought something to entertain themselves; some would color, some would read, some would watch Netflix with the volume low...

The chatty ones I had to remind, but once I pulled them aside and politely asked them to cool it on the chit-chat, they always apologized and would resume their responsibilities according.

It was no big deal... I think sometimes the caregiver would simply forget that this client (my mom, one of many clients) wasn't chatty. Hope that helps! Overnight homecare was such a blessing when I needed it. Mom is in a memory care facility now.
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Go to Best Buy, get Nest cam, and plug it in for the bedroom. After a long night you can review what happened or did not happen. All you need is a suitable internet wireless airport in your home. Other cameras exist, but this one is very good and allows you to review the entire night at your leisure. There will be marks for motion if someone comes into the room or she gets up. And if you really want to, you can log in during a break at work and check in on things. Its always better to decide from more information. It can get hard trying to figure out what to believe from whom.
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Your mom may hear talking in the 'twilight' before sleep that is keeping her awake, but it may not be the caregiver. Just this weekend, my neighbor told the story of her mother-in-law believing that the woman in the apartment downstairs was playing loud music and keeping her awake. Well, one night the mother in law heard the music, got up, dressed herself and went over to confront the downstairs lady. While the mother in law was waiting for her noisy neighbor to come to the door.... she saw the neighbor coming up the walk returning from an outing! Fortunately, the mother-in-law was 'with it' enough to realize she was mistaken....but that had an unfortunate side effect in that she suddenly realized she was suffering from dementia. It was upsetting for her.
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One has to be careful about the cameras. My boss installed cameras to watch his wife and her long time day caregiver Julia during his work day. His wife was in end stage Alzheimer's and she had a wonderful caregiver that she bonded with. My boss would check in a lot on the cameras and everything was going great.

Unfortunately my bosses wife's Caregiver was feeling so uncomfortable about those cameras that eventually she quit even though she was doing a fantastic job.
My boss wished he had never installed those cameras as his wife refused to bond with any of the new caregivers, and she would keep asking for Julia. It was so sad. He wasn't able to get Julia back, as she didn't trust him. He wishes he didn't listen to his buddies who talked him into using cameras.
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I was surprised when I looked at the date of this post - I remember an identical one from a few months ago. Liverlips, was that you and you're reasking? If not, do a search using some key words and perhaps- if you can find the thread - there will be additional answers there that may help you.
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I agree, you can take what Mom says as Gospel. She may be dreaming or it could be in her mind. Maybe when the aide hears Mom stirring she checks up on Mom and thats what Mom doesn't like. A monitor with a screen may be good. This way the aide can hear and see what is going on. If Mom is just talking to herself or restless, the aide doesn't need to check on her. She will see what is going on. I see no problem with the aide sleeping. I can sleep because of the monitor why can't an aide.
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No one caring for a dementia patient as a professional caregiver should be sleeping period. Its different if its your parent, but if you are hired to work the night shift you better be awake. If you cant handle the night shift without sleeping its not for you. The liability is to great and you are not doing your job. That being said you should not be engaging your client so you can stay awake. They need to sleep you are there to monitor them not to entertain them or them you. Have a conversation with the caregiver express your concerns and if things dont change make a switch, she works for you, she needs to follow your direction.
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You need to spell everything out clearly to the people you hire. Write or type and print out everything you want and expect the to do in bullet points. I have been surprised at what other people are aware of let alone people working as caregivers are aware of that has a significant impact on their ability to perform their duties. You cannot think of everything and do not assume anything is obvious. This includes everything from how to swap out bedding to keeping zip lock baggies zipped up in the frig. Then there adding to the problem there is the typical language barrier as so many non-native English speakers work in the field.
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just tell them...nicely of course...and if mom complains...hire another person!
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Not everyone has an ear for sound or movement when they sleep. Yesterday while sig other and I were watching TV in the living room, the door bell rang [salespeople to which I never answer] and the bell rang a second time, the sound is LOUD... sig other slept right through it.
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One last thought from me . Is the caregiver talking on her phone the whole time. that would surely drive Mom crazy.
I too would like to think paid caregivers would stay awake all night but the truth is that many don't.
If Mom can't summon help consider a bed alarm so that the caregiver is alerted if Mom tries to get out of bed
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