Mom has dementia and needs NH so Dad can come home from hospital. How do I convince her to go to the home? - AgingCare.com

Mom has dementia and needs NH so Dad can come home from hospital. How do I convince her to go to the home?

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Mother is 85; dad 99. He has congestive heart failure; mom dementia. She over cares for him & therefore he cannot sleep. He wont return from the hosp. to my home without her being admitted to a home. She also just wants to return to PA, as they were vacationing with me in VA and will not be able to return to PA.How do i convince her to go, aside from lying to her that he will be coming there?

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Are night-time issues the only reason it won't work for you to continue to take care of both Mom and Dad in your home? I doubt that is the case, but if it is, why not bring in a night caregiver?

How did you decide that it is Mom that should be in a care center, rather than Dad, or both of them? I'm not implying criticism of the decision, just honestly wondering.

I think a little more information would help generate more specific responses.
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I got the impressiion that Dad dosent want to come to any home until mom is placed? I thought Moms wanting to go home to PA was a separate issue? Deal with dad first, then mom.Maybe a CG can help at night with keeping her away from dad. How was their relationship before? My dad follows mom around like a puppy, we have to try to head him off so she can even go to the bathroom alone!
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I live in Virginia beach ,Va you might have to take him home. than convince her that dad is doing well
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Ask yourself why you're trying to reason with someone who has dementia. You can't. You have to be strong enough to look at the big picture and do what's right. Dementia'd people become all about me-me-me-me-me. Sometimes (often) manipulation works. But reason? Forget it.

You are a saint to be taking care of both of your parents. However, that sainthood goes away if you're taking care of one at the expense the other. ;)

In short, if you can't find a way to keep her away from dad at night, you have an obligation to your dad to place her in a nursing facility. So try to come up with a plan for THAT.

Let her sleep in your room so you hear her when she gets up and can intercept her good intentions. I'm kidding, of course. I'm sure you just about fell over backwards when you read that. Just pointing out how detrimental it would be to YOU if someone were waking you up all night long. ;)

You could try locking her in her room at night. If she'd be quiet and not pound the doors...I don't care what people say about doing that . . . we do what we have to do to keep everyone safe. You could lie to her and say he has something contagious that's MORE contagious in the dark. Depending on her dementia, she might buy it.

I actually think, though, that YOU have the solution. Tell her dad will be joining her when he gets out of the hospital. "He hasn't been released yet, mom. He's got to get stronger..." Hopefully, HOPEFULLY, the fixation will pass.
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Get him there first. She will follow. At 99, if he is a wartime Vet, he can get the VA to help pay for it. Her desire to return to PA is really a wish for things to be normal again and that won't happen.
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