My Mom needs more help than we can offer. What are our options? - AgingCare.com

My Mom needs more help than we can offer. What are our options?

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My mother hasn't slept in a bed for years. She stays up most of the night and sleeps off and on throughout the day. She frequently urinates in her chair, will use the restroom only to come back in her soiled pants to sit back down! She refuses to bath but maybe once every two weeks or so. She can barely walk and when she does its for short periods of time and she's hunched over. She falls often because she has poor balance. My Dad has been caring for her for so many years and she only gets worse as time goes on. She wakes up and frequently doesn't know where she is and has to look around and think about it for a while before she realizes she's at home. All her life she said she would kill herself before going to a nursing home and frequently lately has made threats at her life. She has home health but she only gets 1.5 hours a day 5 days a week. How can we get her help?

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OMG, Ct. There is a 14-year-old in that situation? My heart breaks for him. I think I would call Adult Protective Services and explain to them just as you've explained here...and let the chips fall where they may. You aren't going to be able to straighten this out on your own, in my opinion.

I have this picture of your mom being in assisted living and dad and his grandson living a much more normal life. What I don't know is how to get from here to there.
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My uncle was just like your mother. One week i took him food and it looked like he was hit in the face with a bat he was so badly bruised and told me he didn't know what happened. I spoke to him everyday on the phone. After looking around and finding blood I realized he fell down the steps. He would not let his neighbor who came in everyday with dinner call me. He also refused to move in with me or go to a nursing home. Few weeks later i received a call that he was talking crazy and asked neighbor to stay with him until ambulance came. After a week in hospital i told him he needed to go to rehab in order to be able to get his strength back to walk up his steps to his house. He stayed in nursing home for the maximum time allotted. After seeing how happy he was in his "own little corner of the world", i told him he had enough money to live there permanently if he wanted. Without hesitation he said yes, sell my house. If the situation arises and mom needs to go to rehab, find one that is near family that you think would be suitable for long term care if she agrees. We did not do that and had 2 days to tour 4 nursing homes in the area. If you need to get Medicaid approval, start looking into that in case it will be needed. Unfortunately unless something happens you may not be able to change the current situation. Your parents honestly don't see anything wrong. Best of luck to you
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My mom is on disability and my dad makes $11/hour. They are still making a house payment around $400 a month and the house might be worth $60k and don't really have anything saved. They are also taking care of their 14 year old nephew who was abandoned by his drug addict mother. My mom really resents him because I believe she is jealous of him. The time and money spent on him is less spent on her.
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you can ask for more home health care. If your parents have the money, they can PAY for more home health care. What is their financial situation? Do they own their own home? How much is it worth? Do they have a mortgage? What is their monthly income? How much money do they have set aside? We'd need the answer to at least these questions.

There are other options besides nursing homes -- assisted living being one of them. It sounds to me as though both of your parents are living in hell right now. I hope you can take the bull by the horns send get them safe.
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