This is the reason I ended up on this forum. Mom reached a point where living alone at home was not safe for her. We tried bringing aides in, initially just the 1 hr min to sanity check and check she took her meds (they can't dispense, but can look and point it out.) The plan was to increase as needed but after a few months she refused to let them in. Any discussion around moving was met with obstinance. Her prior-to-dementia plans included moving to AL if/when she felt it was necessary. Now when she needed it, it was disparaged and she would hear nothing of it! Brothers offered their places, but she said no (wouldn't have been the right decision anyway.)
So, our EC attorney said the same thing - we couldn't force her to move and suggested we go for guardianship. Problem there is the place we chose for her would not accept committals (I suspect a lot of committals are problem people, but mom wasn't like that.) Staff there told me to 'just get her here, we'll do the rest!'
Anyway, we had the move planned, arranged to have OB fly up to stay with her and YB would meet on move day. Literally days before the move, her neighbor called to say mom told her that she bruised her leg. I couldn't get there (snow, 4WD out of commission) and OB was arriving the next night. He was to check it, send me pix. Cellulitis, which is dangerous for anyone, but more so for the aged. This delayed the move for a few days. I had suggested something, but YB typed up a fake letter from 'Elder Services' at the hospital where she was treated. It basically said she either moves to a place we choose, or they will place her. Oh was she mad! But, she went. Not happily, but the goal was to get the move done. Staff did order anti-anxiety meds, not to dope her up, just to take the "edge" off. Only one Rx, never refilled.
Now, you could wait for the "emergency" and go from there, but sometimes that is too late. At the very least, you should be checking out various places, compare care, cost, how it appears - meet with them, but go back at different times of day to see for yourself, etc. In another post, you mention issues with siblings. Are any of them against moving either or both to some kind of assisted living? It may require MC, and sometimes it's best to go straight there rather than to have to fight to move them again. If any siblings are against the move (and cause issues with the money problems), guardianship may be your only choice. It would be better not to have to go this route, but it does override any POAs. If siblings or parents fight this, it could get costly (and nasty.)
Do be proactive and start checking out places. Whether you can finagle a move with some sleight of hand or have to resort to guardianship, it is best to have a place ready for the move ahead of time.
We struggle with this with MIL too - she has no business living in her home anymore, but refuses to go anywhere. Her daughter has POA, but without Guardianship, she can't make her do anything she doesn't want to (we trick her into doing a lot of things she doesn't want to, but haven't been able to use that tactic on getting her to move to a safe living arrangement)
Once there is a crisis and one or both of them end up in ER/hospital - you can refuse to take them home, tell the discharge person they are not safe and need other living arrangements. But, until then, you just do the best you can, check on them, pray (a lot!) and wait for the fall or emergency that gets them to the Hospital and help. Sorry, I wish I had better news or advice!
Many times you just need to wait until a crisis happens. Unfortunate, definitely.
Maybe a needs assessment by the Area Agency on Aging would assist folks in making the right decision or maybe they are not in as bad of shape as you think they are.
Folks have the legal right to make their own bad decisions.
So, our EC attorney said the same thing - we couldn't force her to move and suggested we go for guardianship. Problem there is the place we chose for her would not accept committals (I suspect a lot of committals are problem people, but mom wasn't like that.) Staff there told me to 'just get her here, we'll do the rest!'
Anyway, we had the move planned, arranged to have OB fly up to stay with her and YB would meet on move day. Literally days before the move, her neighbor called to say mom told her that she bruised her leg. I couldn't get there (snow, 4WD out of commission) and OB was arriving the next night. He was to check it, send me pix. Cellulitis, which is dangerous for anyone, but more so for the aged. This delayed the move for a few days. I had suggested something, but YB typed up a fake letter from 'Elder Services' at the hospital where she was treated. It basically said she either moves to a place we choose, or they will place her. Oh was she mad! But, she went. Not happily, but the goal was to get the move done. Staff did order anti-anxiety meds, not to dope her up, just to take the "edge" off. Only one Rx, never refilled.
Now, you could wait for the "emergency" and go from there, but sometimes that is too late. At the very least, you should be checking out various places, compare care, cost, how it appears - meet with them, but go back at different times of day to see for yourself, etc. In another post, you mention issues with siblings. Are any of them against moving either or both to some kind of assisted living? It may require MC, and sometimes it's best to go straight there rather than to have to fight to move them again. If any siblings are against the move (and cause issues with the money problems), guardianship may be your only choice. It would be better not to have to go this route, but it does override any POAs. If siblings or parents fight this, it could get costly (and nasty.)
Do be proactive and start checking out places. Whether you can finagle a move with some sleight of hand or have to resort to guardianship, it is best to have a place ready for the move ahead of time.
We struggle with this with MIL too - she has no business living in her home anymore, but refuses to go anywhere. Her daughter has POA, but without Guardianship, she can't make her do anything she doesn't want to (we trick her into doing a lot of things she doesn't want to, but haven't been able to use that tactic on getting her to move to a safe living arrangement)
Once there is a crisis and one or both of them end up in ER/hospital - you can refuse to take them home, tell the discharge person they are not safe and need other living arrangements. But, until then, you just do the best you can, check on them, pray (a lot!) and wait for the fall or emergency that gets them to the Hospital and help. Sorry, I wish I had better news or advice!
Maybe a needs assessment by the Area Agency on Aging would assist folks in making the right decision or maybe they are not in as bad of shape as you think they are.
Folks have the legal right to make their own bad decisions.