My elderly mother lives with my wife and of this last couple of years her vision has gotten a result she has let her appearance go as well as cleaning in general as of late she has been having accidents #2. And missing the toilet. I try and bring up the issue and she acks like there is no problem. I usually clean it up and not really bring it up. It is getting to be to much for me and im starting to see that the problem is not getting better but the opposite. I am having health issues that will be terminal and really dont want to be spending the last couple of years doing it.

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James47, I am very sorry to hear of your terminal health condition. I am glad to hear you are thinking seriously about what you want these next few years to be like.

You have been wonderful to care for your mother so intimately. I hope that has been a rewarding experience for you (as well as an exasperating one, it goes without saying!) It is wise to be considering now how important to you it is to continue to have mother be a part of your household. You could address many of the care issues by bringing in outside help, if mother can afford that.

Or perhaps you would like to spend more time with your wife and less time with your mother. Or travel while you can. Or do things spontaneously without worrying about who is going to look after Mother. Placing Mother in an appropriate care center might be the best option in that case. You can still visit her often and keep her as part of your life, but not be responsible for her care.

As geewiz says, if you want to share more information about your situation, you might get more specific responses.
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James, first start with a visit to Mom's M.D. Ask for a cognitive assessment. Send ahead or bring with you a list of concerns. Visit the eye MD, does she have cataracts? Macular degenration? Or, perhaps she just needs new glasses. Some of these issues sound like dementia. Hire an aide (with Mom's money) . Make a list of what you want the aide to do --- bathing, grooming, toileting, nutrition, companion, etc.

Really, more info in your bio would be helpful. Having said that, and in view of your own issues, your Mom may be ready for assisted living in the not too distant future. But, to give you all the benefit of the doubt, it is important to understand what the nature of Mom's issues are medically as well as cognitively.
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