My mom needs financial help. What can we do?

Follow
Share

My mom needs financial help. Her SS check is over the required amount by a few dollars to get medicaid. I pay over $1,500 a month of my money to help her. A lot left out that I've done for my parents before the next few paragraphs. My mom is 99 & my dad passed in 2009. I always was there to help I am the oldest. You just don't know what all happened with my dad. I will tell you about my mom right now. My mom was staying with me after she wanted to leave the 2nd assisted living my dad & mom were in. My dad caught germs at the assisting living & the Rehab. he had to go in hosp. I took her to work with me each morning while dad was in hospital. I worked at hospital. My mom had a stroke in 2008, I was there every day with her & my dad before work & when my dad had hip and heart surgery. I was there in rehab as well as assisting living. I caught so many errors there in their medicines etc., when my dad passed my sister wanted her to visit & my mother was able now to go, it was around 7 days after my dad passed in April 2009. My mom went & said she would be back. When mom called & asked me to come get her I found out so much. I thought my mom had been visiting back & forth with my sister & brother all that time. My mom said I am in a place & will you come get me. She said she was told not to call anyone or tell anyone where she way. I had a flat tire when she called. I immediately had it repaired & started on a 100 mile one way search to find my mom. I found her. She & I went another approx. 50 miles to an attorney who stopped a POA Power of Attorney my sister had on my mom which I did not know about. She wanted to go to the bank, her account had been drained all the CD's of over $170,000 which my mom started & saved for us her children, our names on it with hers. All of it gone taken out by my sister & the court house records showed her Home & Land 27 acres moved also. My mom was overwhelmed. She said she had only signed a Medical Power of attorney back in Oct. 2006, well this was a durable Power of attorney,she didn't realize it was & said she was not explained that & she said the will was done according to what my sister was saying for her to do while standing over her, which said leaving me $1.00 and my dad $1.00. I was overwhelmed to say the least. While I was taking my mom to places she wanted to go, she received a call & it was from a policeman saying he had heard she was kidnapped. She told them No, she was fine. My sister & brother tried to get me in trouble picking her up. We needed help to move her things out of this place my mother had already asked my son to help move her out & the next day we did. My sister did not give her the medicine's that she had at her home. We had to get a lawyer just to get her medicines. My sister would not give her the personal things she had of my mother's & a lawyer was hired for that and still didn't get it all. Another lawyer was hired to try to get her home , land & money back. You just don't know how much was spent on lawyers. I have had my mom with me 8 years (during these years my brother and sister did not send her a card for any occasion.) No birthday Card, No Mother's Day card, No Christmas card & all the other Holidays. The only time they saw each other was in courts! They did not come see my mom in the hospital for the following surgeries she had to have or to the rehab after the hip replacement, Heart Procedure, and C-Diff. I didn't leave the hospital except to get clothes to change into. It was March 2015 my mom fell & broke her hip, she had to have a hip replacement, in order to do the hip replacement she had to have a heart procedure 1st because they said her blood flow was not good. She had a calcified aortic valve & had a Valvuloplasty (valvulotomy) done before the hip surgery could be started. TWO procedures done on my mom at her age! I sat there all by myself until my son & his family came to the hospital from out of town. I prayed for her to be ok when she woke up. I was devastated to say the least waiting. I do not know what I would do without her. Still not over my dad being gone. My sister & brother did something to me mom that I will never forget I have some kind of PTSD from this. I wake up everyday with hurt from what they have done and feel the hurt as if I was my mother not seeing her children that have destroyed her life. Greed. My mom had told me when my dad passed to make sure I paid the funeral home within 10 days to get a discount, so after my dad passed I went to move his money to another checking account. I didn't move it all but most of it & put it in 2 accounts with my mom's name on it too. I was his POA, the bank asked me how my dad was & I told them he was not good & I needed to make arrangements. I had pneumonia I had caught from my dad & I was crying & upset & couldn't stand the word funeral, death, morgue, funeral home, black bag. I couldn't stand the words to be used I was overwhelmed by loosing my dad I couldn't stand to know he was not here. I hired an attorney & spent more $ because they tried to put me in jail when they went to get the money I moved. No support from them.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
Oh, I see your mother is in assisted living.
Will you be able to come back?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

The thing that amazes me most when the other sibs are waging a financial war, the elder needing care gets neglected.

So, you are doing right providing for Mom. Unfortunately, that may not be sustainable in the long term. Find a Plan B.

Who is the "We" you mentioned, husband, children, other family?  Checking for your resources, people on your side....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

So sorry this is happening.
Unfortunately, the ones with the most money wins. (your sibs).
And, the best defense is a good offense. (their guilt, accusing you works for sibs.)

Get your Mom a Case Manager by contacting the Area Agency on Aging-often through your senior center.

Income from SS. can be accounted for and decreased by sending in receipts to Medicaid for unpaid medical expenses, and maybe other expenses. Surprised those lawyers would not have told you, or helped with the application for Medicaid.

Your Mom will not qualify for services as long as you pay for her.
Maybe someone here will come alongside to help you through this, step by step.

It sounds hard, but is not a hopeless situation, imo. You are not alone in this, this has happened to other caregivers.

It is very important that you receive treatment yourself for the P.T.S.D., or you won't be able to follow through to help your Mom. Did you ever make a report to APS, or did your sibs?

Another thought...If your Mom needed a nursing home and was not Medicaid eligible, could you contibute a smaller amount towards her support instead of having her in your home and paying $1500/ mo. support? Sorry, I don't have enough information or knowledge to advise you.

What does your Mom want?  Are there any cases pending at this time?  What was the outcome of the legal?

Waiting for others to help you........

God Bless your heart, and good for you for being there for your Mother, in spite of the horrific war your siblings are waging against you.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

If the lawyer you have been working with is not an Elder Law attorney it might be worthwhile to switch to one with that specialty. Stealing someone's money is against the law whether the someone is 29 or 99, but other aspects of this situation involve elder topics.

For example, an Elder Law attorney may be able to help Mom quality for Medicaid, even if her SS is slightly over the limit.

Let us know how this works out.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A week after your father passed away in April 2009, your mother went to visit your sister.

How long was it after that that you received the phone call asking you to go and collect her, please?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You need to set up an appointment with an Elder Law Attorney to see what suggestions he/she can give you regarding all the different situations.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.