Follow
Share

My momlives in pacific palisades and happened to be in rehab at time of fires her apartment is ok but landslides created issues and she can’t live there. AL shouldn’t have released her but she went home tonher caregivers house and it was an unregulated mess. Lots of weird stuff happening but I linked her to assisted living and they are trying to get her in w them. AL saying they need a guarantor? I know what that means but im not willing to do that. Mom is secretive w me and we live in opposite sides of country and dont really get along. But im concerned for her wellbeing and that shes making bad judgements. Is a guarantor a California thing? She seems to think she’s going to go back to her apartment, I do not think that will be possible given her physical condition. But it is hard to navigate options with her being so stubborn and me being on the other side of the country. They did an assessment tonight at the nursing home because they are really trying to help her out. They said she has sharp as a tack and I agree. That’s just making it harder. It sounds like I will be liable if she can’t pay her bills and she has never shared her banking information with me. Why would I get myself involved in something like this?

Guarantor is a thing everywhere.

I would not recommend signing up to be personally responsible for her AL bill. That's what a guarantor is, the responsible party at the end of the day.

Sometimes the only thing we can do with a parent like yours, and mine, is stand out of the train wreck.

Best of luck, you now belong to the waiting for a crisis to change everything club.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Buffalogal May 5, 2025
Gee. I don’t think I want to be in that club!! Take my time card back please. Seriously. Thanks for the response
(1)
Report
If you are POA and mom is legally incompetent under the law you have power here, but if she is legally competent (you should be in order to qualify to ALF, which is not a lockdown as MC is) then she is competent to make her own decisions. You have mentioned she is with a "caregiver now".

It's impossible to parse out what's going on here but one thing is for certain--you do NOT want to sign as guarantor of anything as you cannot conceivably BE the guarantor of anything. You aren't even THERE. You are completely and 100% without power.

Reading definition of guarantor should be enough to scare the pants right off anyone!
This is it:

"Duties of GUARANTOR:
To guarantee to pay a borrower's debt if the borrower defaults on a loan obligation.
To pledge their assets as collateral.
To ensure that the first party (the principal debtor) keeps their promises to the second party and takes on liability if the first party fails to keep these promises.
To be held liable for the debt of the borrower, which remains unpaid. The extent of the liability of the guarantor may be limited in the contract."

I would step away and stay away from all this. There's no in-between here. Either you take on POA and attempt to enforce some sanity here, or you do not. For myself, I wouldn't.
Helpful Answer (8)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Buffalogal May 5, 2025
Wow, I did read up on it, but this is definitely blunt and to the point and I don’t want any part of it. If she hasn’t felt the need to allow me to share anything up until now, I don’t wanna be involved. Thank you for responding and solidifying my choice.
(2)
Report
Mom is the guarantor. If she's sharp as a tack, she signs off herself and shows them her bank/brokerage statements.
Helpful Answer (7)
Reply to BarbBrooklyn
Report
Buffalogal May 5, 2025
Yes. The issue is that even after showing the bank statements they still need a guarantor. But I was 90% sure that I was not going to sign and after reading all of these I’m 110% sure thank you for responding.
(3)
Report
See 1 more reply
Do not sign as guarantor . You don’t want to be responsible for her AL bills . She has no intentions of staying there . You can’t force her to go or to stay if she’s so sharp .

If Mom is so sharp she takes care of her own bills . She’s secretive and you don’t want to be on the hook for her bills .

Like already said below it will take a crisis to force a change .
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to waytomisery
Report
Buffalogal May 5, 2025
Thank you for responding. This has definitely helped my decision. I was 90% sure I wasn’t going to do it now I’m over 100% sure.
(4)
Report
I am a guarantor for my daughter for her NYC apartment. It was due to her not having 80× the monthly rent in income and assets. I would only only do this for close family that is very responsible with paying on time.

It seems to be a thing in high cost of living areas. NY and California fall into that category.

I would have a hard time agreeing if the person was secretive or not forthcoming with their finances.

I am also a co owner of her accounts so if I need to I would pay her rent I have full disclosure of where her funds went.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to AMZebbC
Report
Buffalogal May 5, 2025
Thx. That must be it it was not needed in Pennsylvania. However, another thing that was mentioned to me today was that my mother does not own her home she owned a condo and then sold it, which is why she has assets, but in California they are really looking for Home ownership as well as a guarantor. She should’ve just moved here three years ago when I offered thank you for your response.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter