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The youngest daughter is trying to take over her mother's life and mom needs help keeping control of her own life and finances.

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I think Mom needs someone outside of the family to give all of us a different perspective, from someone with nothing to gain. Thank you for you thoughts and caring answer.
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I agree, the will listen to a neutral person.
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We hired someone called an Aging Life Care Specialist. We found some names on this site

https://www.aginglifecare.org/

The woman we hired had over thirty years experience as a social worker. She was extremely helpful. I think our parent took information and suggestions better from her as she was "a professional." Our suggestions were often met with "You kids think you know everything".

She was not inexpensive but I feel she saved us more money than she cost. She was paid hourly. You might find a neutral party such as this could help you sort out a good plan for your mother.
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Just to clarify, the order of occurrence should be:
1) mom creates durable PoA
2) mom gets tested for cognitive level

If she creates her durable PoA and then tests by doc shows cognitive issues, then the PoA can legally step up to help. If she first tests for cognitive issues and shows signs of problems before creating her PoA, then anything she does in the legal realm after this can be questioned and contested.
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sparky99 Jan 10, 2020
Thank you your answer is very helpful..
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Your mother can appoint a Power of Attorney. This can be another child, or a good and trusted friend. She can also hire a licensed fiduciary to manage her finances, keeping a small account of spending money for herself. Mom would still be in control and able to discuss her wishes with the fiduciary, but would also be able to tell the daughter that she has put financial control in the hands of another person. I agree with JoAnn29. If your Mom is without dementia, this becomes a problem that parents have through life, called "Learning to say NO". If Mom feels she is often not able to endure pressure anymore, then the POA appointed is a good choice for her.
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sparky99 Jan 10, 2020
thank you, Mom is very aware and very capable.
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I assume Mom is competent to handle her own life? No Dementia? And how do you think a Senior advocate can help? If Mom is competent, no one can tell her what she can and can't do with her money. Your Mom would have to be willing to turn over control of her finances to someone else. A Conservator. I guess this is the only daughter who lives close by?

I suggest someone have Mom assign them as POA. Won't be in effect until Mom is no longer capable of making informed decisions but there will be one in place. She could make it immediate and then the POA can oversee her finances. Not control, oversee.
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Alicew234 Jan 12, 2020
I think a senior advocate of some sort; social worker, elder lawyer, family counselor would be helpful to an elder in sorting through their choices. A good advocate will have had experience in how things can play out and alert you to pitfalls of choices you may think are fair- like co-POAs or one child making decisions for your living arrangements and health and the other holding the purse strings.
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