Dolphin, before you make this move, tead some of the threads on here from folks who've moved in with parents with dementia. They range from sad to tragic.
Think hard about why you are doing this. As rainmom says, do you truly have nowhere else to go? Are you hoping she'll be nicer to you than she was in the past (she won't). How are you going to support yoursrlf? Do you have outside caregivers lined up? Do you have POA for finances and health? Is she generally a cooperative and easy going person who trusts that you want the best for her?
I would suggest you go see a shrink because your thinking is way off beam. If you didn't get along before the move will magnify the problem tenfold and then some. Trust me I do know....I did this and didn't think it through. 5 years on, no help and rare respite has left me very very old before my time and don't think ANYONE will thank you they won't - and unless you are wonder woman it is going to be a dreadful road. Sorry but you asked
You will ruin your own physical and mental health if you move in. It's hard enough supervising and making the care and financial decisions. This can and does go on for years and takes it's toll.
Caring for a person who has dementia is a huge job. Doing it 24/7 is like having 3-4 huge jobs. It's extremely stressful. I would exhaust all other options first. I would figure out what she needs, which you say is around the clock care, and locate a place that can do that. Then figure out how she will pay, such as private pay, long term care insurance, Medicaid, etc.
Oh dear God,, she has not come back.. maybe because we all think the same thing.. RUN AWAY My mom does not have dementia yet... but she is getting a bit "slippy",, and dad's ALZ about killed us all at the end.
Here is the key phrase: "Her and I never really got along."
Just don't do it!
If you are having difficulties about where to live and how to support yourself, address those needs.
Mom needs 24/7 care. Address her needs.
But trying to come up with a combined solution to both sets of needs is not going to work.
Think hard about why you are doing this. As rainmom says, do you truly have nowhere else to go? Are you hoping she'll be nicer to you than she was in the past (she won't). How are you going to support yoursrlf? Do you have outside caregivers lined up? Do you have POA for finances and health? Is she generally a cooperative and easy going person who trusts that you want the best for her?
If you've never gotten along before, you'll literally be at each other's throats if you move in and become dependent on her for shelter.
This is a bad idea. Rethink it over, now.
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