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When we moved to another state she and my father visited for a few years. Could never make either one happy, so they just stopped visiting about 16 years ago. My kids don't know her and don't care anymore. And she pouts and complains constantly that "she has no one". Her own fault.
Lord, help all of us dealing with these unbelievable, selfish, miserable people. But my husbands does say, "she is happy in her misery." Must be, she will be 83 soon and is healthy as a horse. Go figure.
I did this mostly with my BFF's mother. I understand it would not be fun at all for the daughter with many mothers. But do try to have a sense of humor. "Tell me, mom, what a** screwed up today? Yes, it's true that no one calls you. They're waiting for you to win the lottery. Then they'll all come around."
I understand how it can get a person down. My husband often shifts into a negative mood, and I want to kill him! Fortunately, he always laughs when I call him a poopyhead, or bring him his cat.
I don't live with her and live long distance so I can get away from it.
Mom has alienated all friends, neighbors, and family at this point with her stubbornness and orneriness and hateful outlook on life. I'm the only one left who even calls and visits. It's not easy. I have finally set boundaries and wisely chose my battles and make sure I'm emotionally ready for our visits or calls.
How?
I call her when I know she will be most alert.
I've stopped asking her questions about eating, health, moving, etc which I used to nag her about.
I let her lead, and take a deep breath when she repeats a story I've heard a hundred times
I let her go ahead and be negative about a bank teller, neighbor, plumber, etc and just nod but don't feed into it anymore
I try to talk only about neutral things like her interests, fashion, positive news, grandchildren, etc.
if she is really negative or in foul mood, I just keep it short and call again later
I end every conversation with " I love you mom"
I go sit calmly somewhere have a drink or cup of tea and regroup for the next time.
I remind myself every time, that her negativity is due to her disease and aging process where everyday is a struggle to keep going, loneliness without friends or spouse, and general grief over losing control and no longer being able to do all the things you once did easily, knowing your mind is slowing and going and realizing you aren't as sharp as you were and its not going to get better...that is what mom faces everyday when she looks in the mirror or attempts to pay bills, go shopping, make a meal. So while friends and family have given up (and I want to many times too), I try to be cognizant of how she feels, and suck it up and call or visit anyway -- I can't abandon her knowing I'm her only link left. I can't leave her feeling she isn't loved or cared about or marginalized.
It's been hard for me, we left California in 1981, only saw my family once a year for a very long time, then in 2009, a year after my Step-Dad died, she was living in Oregon and had some health problems, so I had to move her up to WA so she'd be near me. My husband was diagnosed with Brain Cancer, the whole time I was caring for him, she was jealous. As soon as he passed away, she became very needy and wouldn't give me time to even grieve for him. It's always her!