Hi, I need some help here- I got the dreaded call, mom up and sold her house. Boom! No warning, has to be out June 1. She is in Florida, I'm in Mass. I have no HCP or POA. She is obese, 300+, 5ft tall, totally incontinent, absolutely nocturnal, and will crucify you for disturbing her and generally as mean as a snake. Blood clot history, flying is out. Furthermore, last time she flew they gave her 2 seat belt extenders and told her next time she needs to get 2 seats.....she was livid! I still hear about it today (8 yrs ago) . She got them back thou, she pee'd in the plane seat. I dam near died when I saw that taking her off the plane. If I fly to Florida and drive her up here, Ill have to be starting and stopping to move legs, and lets not talk about eating! Renting a car she can get in and out of is one thing, I'm thinking of the peeing in a rental car. Trust me she will do it. I thought of a Winnebago for transport so she could move, bathrooms are not much bigger than plane bathrooms, that's out. Ive looked at several already, with no luck. Anyone got any ideas? Im 60, 5ft tall, 131lbs....Im not lifting her alone for dam sure. Medical transport company? I need help- this is gonna be a nightmare.

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Is she moving in with you? From what you've written, that doesn't sound like a very good idea. I'm not normally one to suggest IL or AL as a first choice, but in this case, it sounds very appropriate.

How are you addressing where she'll live when she arrives in Mass? If you are planning to have her at your house, I'd give very, very, very serious consideration right now to creating an alternate plan. I think she'd make your life miserable.

As to moving, there are life flights but I believe they're for emergencies only. At one point I did research on this as my parents were Winter Texans and I wanted to be prepared for emergencies.

If I recall correctly, there are also ambulettes, equipped like an ambulance (but not w/all the life support an EMS ambulance would) and possible for transportation.

I think any kind of RV vehicle is going to have the tiny bathrooms.

These are just random thoughts:

Contact the Alzheimers Assn. and Area Agency on Aging chapters near you and ask to speak with someone who can provide lists of appropriate multi-state transportation.

I suppose you could contact airlines and ask about first class seats, which might be more appropriate, although the blood clot issue might preclude that. And that raises another question - how can she sit in a car or vehicle for hours, many more than a flight, w/o equally courting a blood clot problem?

I give you credit for taking on this challenge. W/o being critical, her move was not at all well planned, and in fact somewhat irresponsible to expect you to provide transit service under the complex circumstances.

All things considered, I think a direct flight through some type of air ambulance service would be best. Periodic bathroom stops could be planned; there should be medical staff accompanying her, and it would be quicker than driving.

Good luck; if I were in your place I think I'd be having a heart attack right about now.
Helpful Answer (7)

I expect Struggling meant that her mother is living independently. I found that ambiguous when I joined, too.


So your independent mother, a person of very decided views, without consulting you or even having the courtesy to mention it in advance, took it into her head to sell her house.

Which, of course, she had every right to do.

And this becomes your problem, why?

To sell her house without Making A Plan about where she would move to was very foolish. Would you do that? I wouldn't do that. Can we think of anyone who would think it was smart to do that?

Your mother didn't consult you. She won't give you any authority to act on her behalf. She resents any intrusion whatsoever into her autonomy, and exacts - if you don't mind my saying so - pretty revolting reprisals if anyone attempts to impose any restrictions, no matter how reasonable or at least comprehensible they may be.

Has it crossed your mind to let her live with the consequences of her choices?
Helpful Answer (7)

My opinion, you don't want this woman living with you. There is a reason you don't live near her. She needs more than an AL. But, maybe the only way to find a place for her to live. Have her pay privately. Some ALs will allow you to switch to Medicaid after 2 yrs. If not, then a NH if on Medicaid. I would find a nice place in Fla.
Helpful Answer (6)

Mom is living independently and gets to make her own decisions. And so are you. How did this get to be your problem?
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DO NOT pay the price for her bad choices, you are expected to go get her at your expense and tolerate her abusive behaviours?

I told my dad that he can do what ever he can pull off, I'll not be helping in any way shape or form. My house is off limits. I get pizzed on to for punishment.

Best of luck. Tough situation to be in however, you can tell her no. She obviously won't like it. Quite frankly it is better for her to be mad in FL then making your life a living nightmare in MASS.
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Reading CM's and FF's posts gave me another idea.

I assume Mom hasn't made any arrangements to move into another independent living facility? Would she expect you to locate some for her review? I assume that she wouldn't allow you to select one though.

However, reading CM's post, I feel more strongly that this is such an inconvenient and inconsiderate move on her part that you're entitled to take whatever action you deem appropriate. And that could include making arrangements for her to move into an IL facility of your choice, at least temporarily.

If so, that facility may have interstate transportation, especially if it's a chain. I'v seen buses outside of some of the chain ILs here in my area.

Thus, would be it be possible for an IL branch in Florida to initiate the transportation, drive her up and directly to a branch in Mass., all w/o your having to go down?

Perhaps it would also be possible to spend the nights at chain branches along the way.

Just thinking, perhaps wishfully, on your part.

Perhaps now is the best time to take a stand for our own independence and welfare.
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"She is obese, 300+, 5ft tall, totally incontinent, absolutely nocturnal, and will crucify you for disturbing her and generally as mean as a snake..."

Why do you want a mean snake living with you? I mean, really, why? Do what you can to assist her with info regarding possible housing alternatives, but from the safety of MA. You could call APS if you're concerned about her welfare.
Helpful Answer (3)

Driving that distance is more dangerous for her DVT problem than flying. Make the proper arrangements and have her fly. Get a 1-stop flight so that she can walk around and use the restroom. Docs say that no segment of the flight should be more than 2 hours. Disposable underwear. Lots of fluids to prevent dehydration (which is an issue with blood clotting). Lovonox injection prescribed by physician for 2-3 days to thin the blood. 3 seats together with someone to fly with her. It's all doable.  Been there.  Done that.
Helpful Answer (3)

struggling, oh my gosh what a logistical challenge. Too bad your Mom didn't give anyone a heads up months ago of her plan so that all of this could be talked out.

I honestly believe the only way Mom can get up north would be with a medical transport but those are very expensive. At least with that type of transportation they can stop at the restrooms along the route. There would be a driver, and a medical person on board to check Mom's vitals, and in case there is a situation, they would know what to do.  I realize it can be extremely uncomfortable for a very heavy set person to travel, their backs hurt, their legs hurt with the first hour or two of a trip.  And with the stress of traveling, one needs comfort food.

Since Mom likes to pee out of spite, thus ruining other companies property, then the transport would be the only logical thing to use. Make sure Mom pays up front as I wouldn't want to see you need to pull out your credit card with the transport sitting in your driveway or parking lot.
Helpful Answer (2)

While I do agree with jjariz that the flight may be best,, just throwing this out here. My parents paid yearly into the local ambulance fund.. just in case. When mom needed to be brought here to MD for rehab nearer us, I contacted them . Her fee if self paid would have been $700.. but due to her payments to the ambulance fund it was only $125. Might be worth looking into? We always donate now!! It was a life saver
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