Mom makes messes and leaves them for me to clean up. Any advice?

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Mom is 82 1/2, with mild dementia, still works part time as a hairdresser. makes messes and leaves them for me to clean up. She never says thank you but treats me like a maid. She is most times, nasty to me. If I try to talk to her I get an attitude. Any advice? This is not fun and Im tired of her "abuse". She doesnt appreciate me. I am Cinderella to a functioning dementia patient!!! Best- Sandiw50

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That sounds like me. My hubby always complains. Guess I will be more cautious and try a little harder. Thank You.
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OH JB thats too funny! Pigpen! thats my mum! Ok so again this week the garbage as you call it wasnt picked up even though we are paying 400 a year to have this collected WHY? because mum got to the bins and put grass in the brown bin which is for food etc..... i just cant get it into her that she needs to leave the bins alone. She also throws her depends on top not even in bags every sunday night i have to go out in the darkness to sort out the bins but no matter what i do she will get up and get to them before the guys come.

I mean what do you do sit outside all night until they arrive hire bin security?? this really makes me so mad and i just cant think of a solution?
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My mother is a messer. She is a bit like PigPen of Charlie Brown. Everywhere she goes there is trash, cups, and dirty plates. And lots of crumbs. I used to get my back up about the mess. Now I just pick it up. I decided that she wasn't going to change and it wasn't worth feeling bad.
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Can she clean the messes but refuse to clean them? Was she always like that, or after she was diagnosed/had Dementia? If she doing this because of the illness then you can’t blame her I guess, I know some of elderly with Dementia or Alzheimer’s that are rough on their caregivers but nice to other.
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How can your mum be working at her age and with dementia and a hairdresser? Anyway my mum was always cleaning then about 3yrs ago she just stopped and was leaving messes for me and not being grateful she is even worse now but i knew then that something was wrong as it wasnt like her. This is part of the illness and its going to get worse its seems by your post that you dont know much about this illness but it will get worse look at other posts on here are you willing to look after her when it does and she can no longer work?
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I vote for moving on. You are a child to them, and they are treating you like one. Are you getting paid? If not, bye-bye.
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Don't you love how some people who never cared for elders will us advice. They will use the child analogy.... not realizing that caring for a child is a lot different than caring for a grown older adult. Big difference between scooping up a child who stumbles compared to picking up a 200 lb adult who falls. Same with changing diapers. Plus children eventually learn to do things for themselves and the fly the coop..... elders don't, unless moved elsewhere.

Plus when we were children one's Mom was usually in her 20's and 30's.... not in her 60's and 70's.... huge difference energy wise. I know my parents can't understand why I nap.... HELLO.... I'm a senior citizen, too.
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Yes being treated like a maid is the worst. It happens to me very day. My dad makes some kind of mess, then leaves it without even saying sorry or even attempting to clean up. I understand accidents happen, but if they would at least try to help or say sorry. One of the big messes I had was an entire bottle of brandy got knocked to the floor and dad just days oh sh@# and continues on to go outside to smoke, dragging his oxygen hose through the mess and making it even worse. Yes, we can move out and then force them to get care in a home or people to the house or worse, they have a fall or something then everyone will blame us for leaving them. Some people tell me, well, it's your dad, you have to care for him, he's always been there for you and he's old, it's just the way he is, but I wonder how much do you really have to put up with?
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sandiw50, do you think it might be time to move out, and let others provide the help Mom needs?

I suspect that it isn't the cleaning of messes that is getting you down. It is being treated like a maid, and never getting the appreciation that other family members get who haven't even provided help. Am I right?

I don't see anything you can do about this. And I think it will get worse. When Mom's dementia and/or diabetes gets worse and she needs to go to a care center and will have a penalty period because of all she's given away that is going to be a big mess for someone to clean up. Do you want it to be you?

And as far as worrying about what is fair and not fair in the will ... most people in you mother's situation will have nothing to leave in a will. Their final care will eat up all assets.

So, why are you staying? In hopes that Mom will suddenly see the light and start appreciating you and treating you at least fairly? Sorry. The evidence is that ain't gonna happen.

My advice: Get a job. Support yourself. Move out.
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If she is working and you are not, be still, be grateful, and clean up.
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