We have organized a live in person to look after Mom, but she makes life difficult for her. Any advice?

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My Mom (87) lives at home. She complains constantly about her, that she does not get along with her. When we, my sister and I, suggest that the lady should stop she is not keen anymore. We both live away from home. However, I took time to go home and observe as what the problem was. My mom is the one in the main to be blamed. She is slave driving her, she makes her do impossible chores. The lady's mandate was to give her care and attend to her needs but also keep the house clean, her space,clean as well. Now she is being treated as a cleaner by her and my brothers who partially live at home. They sleep at their homes but come during the day. When my sister intervene in the lady's favour, they, herself and they becomes resentful. This is causing a division between us siblings.

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Thank you for the advice. This is also worth trying.
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Well. listen to mom, write it down, and in few days, take the list and read it to mom, and ask her if these things are still taking place. If she is still not happy, drive her around to assisted living...... Let's look at these places mom!!! Make a day choose 3 places, and write down likes and do not likes... talke to her about them some night....Is caretaker as good or bad as these places/
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I think this option will help. We shall have to go with it. Thank you so much.
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I've tried long enough. After my mother's fall seven? weeks ago she was placed in rehab, which in part is skilled nursing care but with the PT/CT components. I cannot speak enough about this facility. She has always insisted she would rather die on the couch in her house than go to a 'nursing home'.

Yesterday, I received the call that Medicare will not pay past tomorrow. I've seen how people treat the residents in this facility. I've seen the social activities involved. I've seen the food (it's great, better than anything she gets here). She dines with a 'friend); She plays Bingo, which she loves. Elvis comes in every so often and shakes up the house) along with good old Bing and Frank) Christmas trees were everywhere this year. Way better than I could have done. And the option of family coming in and dining anytime during the year is huge).

I will be meeting with a Medicaid facilitator (can't do this myself, she knows the ropes) that was recommended by the facility. She will be staying another 60 days (as a Medicaid pending) and I will go home knowing my mother is SAFE. The CNA's are excellent and take the nonsense the residents hand out with a smile on their face but with the skill they have in just listening and taking everything with a grain of salt.

I'm sorry, but I am not my mother's caregiver, I have her daughter. I'd rather visit her in her new home rather than have to keep arguing about the stuff we argued about, the tissues, the tv, the bathroom, the TOILET PAPER!!!!!!.

So while this may not help you with your caregiver problem, it may help you decide whether or not assisted living and/or whatever it is you can afford, will make your life happier along with your mother's and your siblings.

Good luck.
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I don't think this will be a problem for much longer. I suspect the caregiver will quit for being treated so poorly.
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Thank you so much for the advices. Because we are not at home and the caregiver is the only stranger among family members, we were wary of spoiling things for her at home. Also mom seems to be on my brothers' side. She, my mother, gets furious when we step in on the care giver's side. When we threatened to pull the caregiver out, she was not happy. She had asked for one because she was not happy with my brothers' wives, they had no time for her. We have threatened to pull the caregiver but she has since apologized.
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30 minute intervals(sorry)
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Make what I call a caregiver contract and the purpose of this document is to protect the caregiver and the patient. Clearly define the caregivers tasks and if all possible breakdown what she should be doing at 30 intervals. Put in an exercise plan if able, if your mom cant exercise a range of motion plan will do on top of explaining to other family members who come by to clean up after themselfs, the caregiver is there for your mom only. state these in the contract and make everyone sign it make a copy and hang it where everyone can see. Call and check in with the caregiver to make sure everyone is following the rules. If worst comes to worst tell them if they dont follow the rules that your mom will have to living in a nursing home that should show how serious you are.
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Sounds like they think she is the maid and not the caregiver. Her primary responsibility is your mom and her well being. Any cleaning she is able to fit in is a bonus. I know when we had a caregiver and one of us kids (grown adults) would come in, the caregiver would talk to us and ignore my parents . I know this annoyed my dad. When I went in i would always say just do what you were planning to do and I will sit with mom and dad for a little bit. I would suggest that she run the vacuum but I would always insist that i clean up after myself. Think some boundaries have been crossed with your brothers. This is a sticky issue, good luck.
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Don't the brothers have anything better to do that partially live at mom's home? Dona't they have their own lives to deal with? If they are going over there everyday after sleeping in their own homes, then why even have a live in person? They should look after her and clean. At some point, she will probably quit because of being so slave driven.
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