My moms physical strength has sharply declined in the past 3 weeks. She now for the first time in several months suggested by herself that she would go to nursing home if I promised I would transfer her to my dad's nursing home once there was an opening. Deal. I can do that. That is "easy", and she knows that the move would be for good or for at least a long time. Nursing homes have PT and OT that could really help her. My dad is back walking after not being able to walk whatsoever 5 weeks ago.

BUT here's the downside.
I just signed a lease (as POA for my mom) for a new place and have all the big furniture moved over there. I just got it outfitted to be handicap accessible for her. I've spent SO much time and money of hers AND mine to secure one the few apartments in town that is even barely handicap accessible. My mom could move in for a little while, but she's so weak now it would be dangerous. I will have to break the lease once I move her into a NH.

The upside is she is judgement free. SS income only, so the landlord would waste a lot of money trying to sue her for unpaid rent and breaking a lease. Plus she has Medicaid so the NH would demand all of her check regardless. There wouldn't be anything in the bank anyways!

So, I could sell the rest of her stuff and put her in a nursing home, politely tell the landlord that I'm 22 and dealing with all this largely on my own and I had no idea my mom would decline so fast, and just walk away from the new apartment. I don't care about the security deposit or first months rent. They can keep it if it means they won't throw a fit.

I think this is God's messy way of forcing my mom into a nursing home not only to save her life, but mine. My life has just barely begun. I don't want to be the girl that peaked in college, and my parents did NOT save for 22 years for me to have free college education just to be wasted by me taking care of mom's messes for the next 20 years. Plus the peace of mind knowing she is clean, bathed, toileted safely, fed enough, hydrated, away from alcohol, seen by a doctor regularly, getting therapy, AND having socialization would take the literal weight of the planet off my back.

The first few months in a nursing home are hard. I get that. but I think if she stuck it out for 3 months, she would be scared of being alone in her own place again with no one to talk to. Even if I could find her something to do with her disability, it would only be a couple days a week because she's so hard to transfer right now.

Just needed to vent. PLEASE message me or let me know if you have had a similar situation.

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Now my mom changed her mind again! She wants to go home with home health like usual. Ugh why is this cycle never freaking ending??
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Get her doctor to write a note that she is no longer able to live by herself and that she needs assistance 24/7 in a facility. That should be enough to release you from the lease.
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My mom would be there for a very long time or possible permanently has my dad will be there permanently too due to his horrible confusion.

My parents are in their 60s. I don't know what the future will hold, but i know she will probably die much sooner if she stays at home.
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Ahmijoy Aug 2018
Then I would definitely speak with the landlord and see if you can sublet the apartment.
Are you thinking that Mom would need to be at the NH permanently? You certainly can’t do all this again if she decides she doesn’t want to stay there. How old is she? Will Dad be there permanently? If she makes progress like Dad has, will she still stay there willingly? What if Dad wants to come home? Where will he go?

If Mom and Dad indicate that they will stay at the facility permanently after you tell them the apartment is gone, speak frankly with the landlord and ask if you can sublet the apartment. I know in today’s aging society, handicap accessible living is pretty rare. If you let the landlord help you screen potential renters, it may work out ok. Maybe you can even rent the apartment furnished?
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