What do I do with a mom that is lucid a lot of time and off the rest?

Okay, I understand now Crimson. No you are not losing your mind, I know exactly how you feel. I felt like I was going CRAZY. My mother was great at show timing, search on this site and you will get the low down on show timing. She was able to pull herself to a clear state in front of neighbors and her GP. These very same people insisted that it was "old age." I insisted it is NOT old age, she has a real problem. These are the very same people who listened to her tell them I was poisoning her, not feeding her, hitting her, would kill her. They believed her, they gave me absolutely NO benefit of the doubt. What would I do if someone came to me and told me such things, I'd go and sit down with the two people and get to the bottom of it, these people just immediately classified me as Damien in the Omen, shunned and gossiped about me. My mother was diagnosed finally with dementia/Alzheimer type by a geriatrician after a big blow up and catastrophy, her GP was surprised, his words, the neighbors still don't believe it. Point is this, don't even bother trying to explain, justify anything with anyone, it is a waste of your energy. The people who need to know and are important know, such as the doctor and most importantly yourself. You can not control what other people say and do, you can only control your own behaviour and attitude and believe me that is hard enough as is. Make sure she is safe, and taken care of and do the same for you, you will make yourself sick trying to figure out irrational crap.

This stage? Stage of what? If she is new at the nursing home, what is the next stage? Usually a new arrival needs time to adjust, and they will ask you not to visit for two weeks so they can adjust to the new environment. Visiting every day will "hold them back" from refocusing. Call the nurses and check on her, but your constant attention can be a tease for her to go home.

She's been in the nh for 2 months and they've gotten her meds to where when you talk to her she is able to put enough thought together to sound like she's OK. Now most of those thoughts may be completely different from one another. But she is in an Alzheimer's stage where some people think she's OK most of the time. My question I guess was how should I respond to someone that tells me that my mother is fine because she can carry on a conversation. Many of her friends only see her for an hour or less once in a while. They don't see her everyday and are telling me that I'm holding my mom back. Yet the doctors say that she's incompetent and she has no control over her rational mind. Her friends are telling my mom that she's OK and there is nothing wrong...in turn my mom doesn't believe anything ever was. What do I do? Sometimes I think I'm loosinv my own mind trying to figure out hers!

Made a is right on. It's a waste tot dry to explain to others if they aren't spending extended time with her. It does HER no good when these dear friends undermine family and professional's diagnosis and prognosis.

My mom is 90, diagnosed with dementia and early ALZ, she has same diagnosis by dr, neurologist, behavioral psychiatrist and spent 10 days in behavioral center -- and after all that, no one would direct that she be placed in memory care unit. She is still living independently and manages but just barely. We hired help and she fires. It's a. Constant struggle and she will not get better but can function for short periods. You are lucky she is already in a safe environment. Don't listen to anyone else. You've got her in a-safe place with good care and her mind and needs will only get worse so it's great that she is in good hands before something bad happens.

Crimson:We have probably all been exactly where you are at right now at one time or another. I have been caring for my Mom for 7 years and yet there are times that she is lucid, there are other times that she APPEARS LUCID, however later she will remember nothing that happened or say she never did a particular thing she did do.

She has the ability to walk into a doctors office and carry on a conversation and she seems fine. It use to drive me crazy because it made me look like I was crazy and had a mental issue not Mom! The thing is, if a doctor stays in the room long enough, they will see them begin to ask the same questions over and over again, slip ups do occur but it can take a little while. My Mom does this with the physical therapist as well, walking tall and straight for him and 5 minutes after he is gone she is in horrible pain and hunched over.

It sounds like your Mom has some friends who do care about her but they are not her child who is seeking the best care possible for her. If I were you I might ask the facility if they have information literature on the disease and I would tell Moms friends, that you are blessed by their concern, however medical testing has proven that your Mom does indeed have a medical condition/illness that means she can no longer live alone. You understand their concerns as she does seem to be lucid at times, however this is relatively short lived and she returns to a confused state, which would be detrimental to her health and welfare should she be left alone. I would give them the literature and ask them to read it and tell them to look it up on the internet or at the library and read about it if they would like to gain greater insight into her condition. Let them know you appreciate their concern but you are trying to obtain the help for your Mom that she needs.

This is a very hard time because you are just coming to grips with the disease yourself and at times you wonder if the doctor or you are correct in the diagnoses. You wonder if you are making the correct decisions, you wonder if your Mom is just "putting on" because she seems normal, Many of the things that happen can only really be noticed if you are living with that person and see what they do on a daily basis. The house gets messier, they forget what they were doing and begin something else, they forget medications or will overdose, they do not bathe or wash their hair, etc. They are all signs that something is wrong or changing.

Your Mom's friends mean well but they are not seeing the overall picture, they just want their friend back with them. You have to become knowledgeable in her disease and then seek the care she needs, no matter what others may say.

Sorry but dont really understand your question? Is she at home or in a NH? what exactly are they telling you that she is ok to live alone at home?

Why is your mother in a nursing home? Does she have some health problems in addition to dementia?

An adult "in her right mind" is entitled to make her own decisions about where to live, whether to take medicines, and all other personal matters. But a person diagnosed with dementia may not be in her right mind. As a vulnerable adult she needs someone else to look after her best interests and to protect her from bad decisions.

Has a doctor diagnosed dementia in your mother? Has a doctor or other medical professional declared that she needs 24 hour care?

The entire situation of a loved one having dementia but being lucid much of the time is very confusing for caregivers! I don't blame you for being frustrate.

Could you provide a little more information about your mother's situation?

Six months ago, my mother was suffering from Alzheimer's disease and I admitted her into Luvida Memory Care, an assisted living care center in Belton, TX. My mother is very happy and enjoying the treatment and environment there.

I think a lot of us deal with the well meaning but clueless friends. And the mothers who are so very good at show timing. I was going crazy and thought dementia must be catchy until I just started ignoring. Ignoring what the friends say, ignoring the rational/irrational thinking and just focusing on what is necessary. Have nice visits with her. Take her out to anything she might like to do. Be duck-like, just let it roll off. Make sure staff is giving her the care she needs.

It takes an enormous amount of energy to just go the day in and out with someone with dementia, I would not waste one bit of it trying to educate anyone else, they don't seem to care one bit what you are going through, I say forget about them and take care of yourself.