After 18 months with mom living with us, my husband is unhappy and won’t talk about it. Advice?

Hate to be redundant: SEX AND PASTA.
Your Mom needs to be second after your husband. Even my Mother, who was self-centered, would remind me during lucid moments to spend time with my husband. She always showed appreciation to him while living in our home, because he is a man:)

Does anyone know of evening places where I might be able to take Mom once or twice a month (or more)? Day centers aren't very good since neither my husband or me is at home during the day. We are both at work then. And it is my mother, not his.

Thank you all for the replies. Very helpful!

You had a "real" job when you were home taking care of everyone. Your job outside the house pays you for your work. I don't know if mom is your mom or your husband's mom, it can make a difference in him not wanting to leave her alone at night for a few hours, and can also stir other issues. I know it is difficult any way you look at it, you two don't have your privacy. I know I have a real issue with getting my privacy, so can only imagine if I had not only to look out for my very own privacy needs and the need for privacy as a couple. When intimacy on many levels is withheld you all suffer. Perhaps an Adult Day Center for mom to socialize at, she will not need to have you so much fulfill her social outlet. We all need to be able to have our own time and space. You need it, your mom needs it and so does your husband, along with you and him time. Anger at circumstances just festers if it is not brought out in the open to air, and release. You guys need some time to yourselves to get to know why you got together in the first place again, and then make a plan that works for everyone.

Cap'n, I am so glad you are on this site!

imho men are basically simple, feed 'em and f'em and they will be happy by & large Let them have their toys appropriate to their ability (so yes on the motorcycle but no on parasailing) - hopefully their toys are something you can participate in too (mine has a boat) even if it's not exactly what you'd like. And the sexual part can be many, many things that are sensual rather than sex. Hubby isn't happy that you have chosen mom over him and rightly so. Which is more important to you?

cmc, you and your husband are both in the same boat, you're BOTH unhappy about the living arrangements. The difference is, men don't talk about their 'feelings' and all us women do, IS talk about our feelings. I like the idea of separating mom from the equation a coupe times a week with the dinner thing, so you and your hubby can actually have a PRIVATE conversation. And don't be surprised when, although you're okay with him going out of town on business, he's not so happy about you doing the same. That means HE HAS TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MOTHER ALONE. No surprise there, that he's not thrilled. And I also understand what capnhardass is saying too, men are not as complicated as us women. They want to be respected, fed and need SEX more often then I think us women do. You need to make the first move in my opinion by fulfilling his needs FIRST. Make him happy, he'll bend over backwards to make YOU happy. Win Win. ♥

My husband isn't happy with my mom living here either.Its not a fun thing for a husband to deal with.You cannot expect things to stay the same when so much has changed.The crack about the genitals isn't very funny to me.My husband had prostate cancer last year and he can't have sex.Would you enjoy living with his mother?Just some thoughts.I hope you get it worked out.

if mother has any friends who live in AL maybe she could visit with them for a few hours each week. an AL may have a program in place to accomodate day visitors. if you can find mother some place to hang out a day or so a week you could greet your husband at home wearing that string thing and trust me, he'll put everything else on the back burner for a while to investigate the nu ( lewd ) dity..
there are many reasons that a guy get grumpy and every one of them have to do with his genitals. it isnt that complex after all..

Or, tell your husband you're unhappy. Maybe he'll have a backyard barbeque for you. Every time a family has stress, it seems to be 'women's work' to keep the emotional ship afloat; 'fixing' everyone's issues but her own. Why?

Maybe try doing something different once or twice a week. Make Mom's meal and then maybe have a barbecue in the backyard. Make it as special as you can.. Maybe some candles and a some alone time. No talking about Mom or jobs, just relaxation. Just a suggestion. It is so hard to find time for everyone. I know, I have Mom, hubby and grand kids. Sometimes it's hard not to get in a rut. Doing the same things day after day. Hugs to you all.

You may need to come out and ask him what is making him unhappy.
You mentioned that his job was very stressful...it may be something at work has happened that has just increased the stress and if stress of having Mom living with you is making his life unbearable
maybe finding a new place for Mom would be a win win for everyone.

Your husband sounds depressed but it could also be low testosterone or low thyroid. I would suggest a check up with the doctor and then maybe some counseling.

I think it is time for a heart to heart talk with your husband. The symptoms he is showing are not healthy. It may be his own personal problems that may help to talk out. It may be that the marriage is in trouble and needs rescuing. I do hope you are able to patch things up