My Mom has dementia and lives with my sister who works full time and my sister refuses to get a caregiver refuses to pay for one. Advice? - AgingCare.com

My Mom has dementia and lives with my sister who works full time and my sister refuses to get a caregiver refuses to pay for one. Advice?

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I do not think my sister is a competent caregiver. She is the trustee and controls my mother's checking account. She refuses to pay for shingles vaccine,

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Hi Jwinters,

As Babalou suggested, there isn't a lot of information here but there are things to consider.

Did the doctor suggest a shingles vaccine but your sister declined because she didn't want to pay? Most insurance pays for that for people over 60 now (some for younger people). So, it's possible that the doctor advised against it because of age factors. Still, if your sister truly is not giving your mother the care she needs, then an intervention of some type may be needed.

If you can't offer to help or your help is rejected, then you could see if a social worker from the Alzheimer's Association could visit. That would feel less threatening than Adult Protective Services. Naturally, if you feel that there is real and immediate danger for your mother, then APS should look into it, but I'm trying to see if there's are more graceful way to see if your mother is getting proper care.

It's possible that if a social worker suggests some in-home care for your mother while your sister is gone, your sister may consider such a move. Family dynamics can make things very difficult so often a suggestion by a third party is easier to accept.

I'm glad that you are worried about your mother's welfare. That's excellent. Do try to involve some type of trusted third party (one who has no ties to either you or your sister). Maybe a compromise can be worked out.

Please let us know how it's going as you work this through.
Carol
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Is your mother unsafe at home alone during the day? The call APS and report your mother as a vulnerable adult.

Are you involved in your mother's medical care? There is not a lot of consensus out there are shingles vaccine for very elderly patients. My mother's doctor has advised against it.

Are you willing to take over caring for mom? Do you help sis out?
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