Our adult daughter took advantage of Mom while we were away at a Dr appointment. She asked her to change the will, including herself in it with a large amount of money being left to her. This is elder abuse. She has recently been diagnosed with severe depression and is being treated for it. Under no circumstances did my Mom sign anything. Mom is extremely hurt and angry. As are we. I never imagined anything like this would happen in our family. To add more injury she is living in Mom’s house 2 years rent free due to her mental state. I now have to seek information on what steps I need to have someone who is squatting evicted. My main concern is Mom, she is the victim here, but I am also concerned for my daughter's state of mind. She has tried to commit suicide in the past.
We are going to sell the house now as it seems the only way to get her out. I need advice. I am classic enabler and realize my mistake was allowing her to live there with no responsibility. I fear at the end of Mom’s life I am losing my daughter too. I cry in my sleep over this. Help.
Forcing them, forging documents, or manipulating their intentions, on the other hand, clearly is.
Thankfully, your mother had the presence of mind to inform you without feeling intimidated by the impertinence. This fact also supports that there was no overbearing control being applied.
Devious, underhanded? Certainly, but I feel there are deeper issues between you and your daughter which may be at the heart of such audacity.
Living rent free was a decision made 2 years ago and this forms a verbal agreement of sorts which places the onus on you to compensate for any intended departure. Was she paying for utilities and upkeep, or even just keeping the house 'safe' (as a house sitter)? Or did she move out of home to mutually suit requirements for separation due to tensions and emotional instability?
I feel there may be a degree of overreaction to what is little more than opportunistic suggestion - worthy of disapproval and disgust, but not to the extent of classifying your daughter as 'squatter' and one to be cast out from the family (particularly in her present mental condition).
Compassionate support and communication to find awareness and understanding could bring about more positive outcomes for all.
She has to be legally evicted. Getting someone evicted right now is almost impossible. I even think you would have a problem selling if the realtor knew that your daughter would refuse to leave if the house sold. (now if she is willing to go that would not be a problem, but describing her as a squatter probably not be the term you would have used if she were willing to move.)
You have very good advice from wise members that responded about seeing a lawyer. Take that advice.
I would do nothing at this point. I would wait till after Mom passes and probate is started. Then u can tell daughter the house has to be sold. She needs to find another place. Maybe even setting her up with a months rent and security. Then tell her she is now on her own. She needs to get a job. I just read under certain SS criteria she can get SS disability or SSI depending on how severe her depression is. With SSI she would get Medicaid.
Why get Mom even more upset. Your daughter is not a squatter. You or your Mom allowed her to live in the house. May still be hard to evict her because of COVID.
You are correct that your daughter will have to be evicted, by your mother, unless there's an existing DPOA authorizing you to do so on her behalf. I didn't see any mention of cognitive decline, so I believe that your mother would be the evicting party. But obviously you'd want an attorney to handle everything; your mother shouldn't be personally involved as it would be too traumatic.
Another source is to contact the local Bar Association and ask if they can provide information on other agencies that might help, even just with advice. Some law schools have student groups which provide this service.
Depending on the size of the area in which you live, there may be a Landlord/Tenants division in one of the local communities. Years ago there was that kind of assistance available in Detroit, and given the pandemic there may be again. That's the kind of agency/division that could offer guidance on how to evict someone.
I'm not sure though if your daughter would be considered a squatter, and/or if this would matter in terms of evicting her.
Her mental state could be an issue, and that's something to raise when you speak with an attorney.
Some communities and Senior Centers also offer free legal advice by local attorneys, who typically visit the Center weekly or biweekly and give free limited advice.
Landlord-tenant field used to be a legal "practice area". I don't know if it still is, and if it isn't, how available a L/T attorney is. You could ask this of the local, or state bar association.
Another alternative is if your state has an agency at that level which provides limited free legal advice. I've used ours, and found them to be very helpful. They might even recommend a specific attorney.
You're wise, as well as thoughtful and considerate to consider the mental status of your daughter. This is something that should also be raised with a L/T attorney, but I'm thinking that a Probate attorney might be appropriate as well, assuming that Probate in your area addresses mental illness.
I would not discuss this with anyone who might accidentally tell your daughter. You'll want to have a firm plan in place (including where your daughter will live) before revealing anything that could affect anyone else's safety.
Is your daughter getting any assistance b/c of her mental state? If not, you might explore this, at a disability level. Her medical team might offer insights on this. I'm thinking a shelter with others of similar mental challenge might be appropriate. Again, if your Probate court handles this, a conference with one of their social workers might be worthwhile.
As to selling the house, again the issue of authority arises, unless there is a DPOA and you have that authority.
You're facing a very emotional and challenging situation. I hope you can remember that the situation isn't necessarily your fault; I doubt there's a caregiver who hasn't questioned his/her actions.
Please know that you're doing your best to handle a very emotional and difficult situation.
Your situation IS heartbreaking. If I were dealing with it, I’d find THE BEST ESTATE/FAMILY planning lawyer I could find, and get advice from an expert. Anything less than an expert opinion may cause you more grief than you already have.
Someone may be hurt, but it SHOULD NOT BE YOU.
Perhaps also contact your mom’s physician or the hospice team to see if some additional mild medication might help your mother to be more peaceful.
You are honest that you allowed your daughter benefits that she didn’t deserve.
Hope a good lawyer can and WILL get you through this.