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My 88-year-old mother has mild Parkinsonism. So far, the only symptoms are shuffling of her feet and she tires easily due to the medications she takes. She is otherwise in generally good physical and mental condition. Mom has been living in our home since my stepfather died around early April 2020. I told her she can stay with my husband and I as long as I can take care of her needs. My husband and I both work, so we cannot be with her 24/7. She has a Great Call Smartphone2 and the pendant for emergencies, with fall alert.


Mom is very sweet but can be stubborn sometimes. For example, at one time, early during her stay, I suggested she move near my sister, who is her POA and lives out of state and offered to stay with Mom, until all of the paperwork involving my stepfather's estate and life insurances could be completed. Doing that long-distance with Sis needing Mom's signatures on paperwork and Mom's verbal permission for Sis to talk to the various companies on Mom's behalf was a headache. But Mom said no. So now I wonder how I will get her moved into Assisted Living if she says she won't go.


Mom can afford AL. My sister and I are both authorized signers on Mom's checking accounts. But how would I physically get Mom to move if she refuses to go? I don't know if my sister would be of assistance.

Many elders just become resistant to change because that's what happens to us when we age (not everyone, of course). Or, she may have a very negative memory of "nursing homes" from the old days that were just horrible places (true). I would start by vetting a few good places, going for an interview (alone), take some of your own pictures and videos of real residents doing real and fun things and then taking that back to her and showing her at an appropriate time. When my step FIL was in decline with Parkinsons and being extremely resistant I literally had to look him in the eye and say, "You know you don't recover from Parkinsons, right? You know that your condition will get worse and worse and you will eventually need more help than we can ever give you, right?" This seems cruel (and he was a total jerk to us all our lives) but he couldn't deny what the answers were. Not recommending this discussion with your mom but if she is very stubborn you may need to have an amended version of this talk with her if she can cognitively reason through it. It's your life and you and your husband get to live it the way you wish. I wish you success in gently convincing her!
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Reply to Geaton777
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You are thinking ahead here; it is what we tend to do. But it is hard to know now what the circumstances will be then. Dependent on where you both are at the point you decide that this move is necessary you will either have to be more or less assertive. You can't read the future.
When the time comes I would be perfectly honest to the extent your Mom can understand everything. You will have to sit her down with family and say that you wish now to live alone with your own family and have your own life, and that you will not be deserting her, will be available to visit and assist, and will help her find the best living facility.
You are right in knowing that once you invite a Senior into your home it makes it ever so much more difficult to say it is not working for you. But that's what you will have to do at that point. You will have to accept that it is YOUR choice, that it is NOT working, and that it is time to do this.
You can't know now what Mom's condition will be, nor her level of being ABLE to understand. She may not be capable of understanding, and it will just have to be "done". Place found, possessions moved, and etc.
Try not to think too much ahead other than to know that this day will probably come, and that it will have to be addressed however it is able to be at that time.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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If she’s of sound mind you can’t force her to move to assisted living. You also don’t have to provide housing for her if that’s no longer working. You’ll have to have an honest talk with her about both her future and yours, and the need to find a plan that works for you both
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Geaton777 Oct 9, 2020
You can legally force anyone out with an eviction notice but it doesn't seem advisable or appropriate in the OP's particular circumstance.
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