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Unsure of legalities but here it goes-


My parents have lived with me for years. They previously lived at siblings till things got rough. My parents left and had all their mail forwarded to their new address which was my house. My sibling found this out and got angry. My sibling undid this and has had mail sent to his house where he controls everything.


My dad has since died. My mom lives with me. My moms stuff is locked away by my siblings. They get her SS check and mail -mailed to a home she doesn’t live in and they dole a small portion to me of about a third which does not cover expenses. I pay the difference.


It’s not like she is poor, she has enough to take care of expenses. Mom has savings that will outlast her and her needs as she has MDS and Dr is stopping treatment as of today and my heart is broken anyway.


My mom fell at my house. I was not home and she had caregiver I hired privately.


My sibling gets the letter of third party liability about this fall and plans to answer yes it was an accident.


Clincher is the letter is addressed to an address my mom does not live at. Will Medicare know she lives in a different city? If it came to my house I would answer no this was not accident she fell at her own house -but my sib has control so Medicare will get a letter of someone falling in a home in Austin.


It will have the home address of San Antonio, but that person really lives in Austin where she fell.


Do I call Medicare and tell them mom really lives in Austin?


Can they hold me liable if she should have a second fall. She is getting weaker.


I do not want my sibling to take this out on my mom in any way.


But there is not much more they can do except send her to nursing home This would be a tragedy.

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Here's my take: the sibling who has control over the money is committing fraud one way or another. If the mother were declared incompetent, that sibling might be the representative payee for SSI. In that case, the sibling would have farmed out mom to the OP for the agreed on rate of $250/mo. I'd think that was legal. I don't know how you find out about rep payeees.

Is she already legally incompetent? The only way to know without seeing sibling's papers is to look in the court records for wherever you think Mom was deemed incompetent. She might not have been if she did not appear in court. Mthr had to appear in court during her hearings. I'd get an atty. If mom is not incompetent, she can give you POA superceeding the current one. You might be able to get social services involved to charge sibling with financial abuse of snow elder. Atty needed!
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Reply to surprise
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I think what they mean by Third party liability is whether the fall medical expenses were paid by a different entity than her insurance, ie a car accident or a fall at a shopping center from not cleaning the walkways property say, after snow removal.
I am no expert but would think your mother’s Medicare correspondance should go to where she lives now, which is with you, & will leave that to more experienced forum members who know their stuff, lol.
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Reply to Shane1124
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Hello72 Jan 7, 2019
Hi no it all helps!!!!
I know I am not alone
Thank you a million times for your input
If you think of anything else I would love to hear
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If a claim is made on your homeowners you will have to pay the deductible. And you could end up being investigated for making a false claim on insurance. And adjusters check out medical claims carefully to see if truth is being told. Does it look like mom lives there? What will caregivers statement say? They interview people and it becomes legal record on YOU. Talk to lawyer quick!!
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Hello72 Jan 6, 2019
My parents have been with me for 4 years. My sister gets mail,bills, checks sent to her address. I get 250 allowance per month. This is to cover room,board,food, transportation, Anything above is my family responsiblility. My dads obituary states they lived with me in 2016. Same address. I have no legal record to be investigated. I am going to do the right thing here

My mom goes to Drs in my city, gets her scripts in my city, and never really leaves the area. My mom lives at my house. She eats there,sleeps there. She only leaves my house for rides in the car going out to eat and going to the Dr.

So this 3rd party letter came to my sisters house with my moms name and my siblings address as does all my mothers money and everything. So again My siblings address is on the accident inquiry letter as my moms home address but my mom lives with me. Can my mom be shown as living with my sibling if she has not darkened his door in 4 years

I had received this kind of letter for my son I stated to the insurance company that my son was skateboarding on my own property. I told them what had happened and all was well and they paid. If the skateboard arm break was at the neighbors house or Wal mart the others would be liable but insurance companies understand things can happen in ones own home. Am I wrong?

I claim my mom lives here. This is not false. Tons of people will attest to this I am not worried for me. Should I be?

I am worried for the one who has checks social security money sent to a place where my mom doesn’t live. That’s where I believe the false claim lies Any person who makes a claim or statement my mom lives elsewhere but my house will make a false claim on mine.

I will call Medicare if I have to myself and explain

I can leave the petty money argument aside. It is petty and you can’t take it with you.
I don’t have to even talk to these people after all of this. I will be free.
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First, I am sorry about what your mom and you are going through with mom's health, and second, that I am sorry that you have found yourself in a mess because your sibs our just thinking of themselves. Third, you are not a wimp! When we find ourselves taking care of our parents we find ourselves stumbling in the dark.

This is what I think you should do if mom has the money. Find a Elderly Lawyer tell him/her what you are telling us. I like JoAnn advice about changing your mom's mail; however, sibs will just go back and change it again. Your sibs have broken the law! I am not a lawyer, but withholding your mom's money that she needs for her care. Yes, she has money in the savings, but that is not the point. Your mom's SS is hers not theirs! Tampering with her mail! And you can add lying to Medicare by stating that your mom lives & fell in a different city and lying about who is taking care of her!

I know you are afraid that they will get back at her, but they won't have a chance to it if you do this right. Have you ever played Chess? Because this is just that...a chess game! Not because of you, but because of the choices they made.

Make an appointment with a Lawyer and do not say a word to sibs. Let a lawyer handle it! Or your other choice is make appointment with your local SS office and tell them. They can freeze the acct and look into your mom's SS acct and see what is going on. But if it was me, I would call a Lawyer because a Lawyer can find out about your mom's mail, what happen with the house, the POA, and maybe her stuff...who knows! But if you can get this mess straighten out and give your mom peace it will be worth it!

You are stronger than you think you are! Tell yourself that and all this will work out & you can do this! You are fighting for your mom's rights!

I will pray for you. God is with you and His strength and His wisdom is in you. You can do this! Stay strong! God bless you.
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Hello72 Jan 5, 2019
Wow thanks for the prayers. God knows I want to do the right thing. Looking up lawyers today and Monday. Again thank you for praying
Also thank you for being specific with steps. It sure helps.
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Is Mom competent? If so she has the ability to revolk a POA and assign a new one. You need to go to the post office and tell them mail for Mom needs to be going to your house. Take something showing Mom has been living with you for years or take Mom. Explain sibling made the change without Moms permission. Why is Moms SS not going to her bank account? As far as I know, there are no longer mailings done by SS. Its direct deposit. There is also a debit card that her SS can be put on every month. Works out well for my nephew.

You may have to get guardianship if Mom is incompetent. My Moms POA read that it came into effect when she was not able to handle her finances/medical decisions any longer. As long as she was competent, my POA had no power.

Your sibling needs to be reported to SS. Even as a payee, his responsibility is to just make sure her SS is being spent for her care. He is not entitled to any of it. Hopefully SS will ask for an accounting.

I think a lawyer is a good idea at this point. If Mom has money, Medicaid rules (if u ever find u need them) would probably allow the use since is being used for her personally. Even if getting guardianship, Moms money can be used.

Good luck and update us. We learn from others experiences.
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Hello72 Jan 4, 2019
Mom was declared incompetent yes by my sister. I don’t think that was done legally either. My mom was in my city and she was declared incompetent in another

Mom is not on Medicaid but Medicare. So they are responsible for paying moms medical bills along with her secondary insurance. The problem will be my homeowners will get billed because from what I am guessing my mom lives at my siblings house on paper.

My my sibling has my moms bank account in her control. So the money goes into that account and she doles it out to caregivers etc I work hard with mom and besides the running around I am caregiver a lot of times and have help caregivers sometimes. My mom requires 2 person care so I or husband or kids take on the first caregiver or second role.

I think my sibs idea is to save money and in the end there will be a fat check for all. Yes I do have that in writing in a conversation they included me in on text

I will I’ll go for guardian etc.
I just don’t want to stress or hurt my moms last days. She comprehends a lot of this.

my regrets are my mom can’t enjoy her money now much at all. It’s a sad situation of in the earlier days my parents pleading for their stuff and a little money for a trip. Everyone was to busy to help. I helped with trips and paid and took them where they wanted to go. But they never had their things they wanted around them. I could not make the others honor my parents wishes. Wish I weren’t such a wimp

when my dad died my sib forgot to inform me of probate. A friend texted me and said she saw the sibs in a city my parents used to live and had a house. She was to be a courier for paperwork due to the house was in a different state. I thought I needed to know this stuff
when I asked them why I was left out I was told one was POA and others were executors. I didn’t need to be there
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Why are your siblings keeping 2/3 of your mother's SS check?

Why would going to a nursing home be a "tragedy"?
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Hello72 Jan 4, 2019
My parents took care of every relative as they aged and wish not to go to nursing home. My dad went to rehab and they forgot to feed him repeatedly when I went on vacation for a week. It also was nursing home. They put a tray in front of him and picked it up for days. When I came back I was livid because I had them weigh him and he lost a ton of weight. That is a tragedy.
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Is bro the SS designated payee? Is he POA?

What is he paying of expenses? Money is for care and other expenses. You should not be spending your own funds. Something sounds really off here.
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Hello72 Jan 4, 2019
I am not sure what a designated payee is. But he is POA. My dad tried to make me POA at one point in time but I knew there would’ve all hell to pay if I took that. Thank you and I will be researching that
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See an elder affairs lawyer. Explain just what you described here. And tell the lawyer you want the right and legal things done. Your sibling(s) is in the wrong and committing a crime and have done so knowingly. You owe nothing to your sibling(s). Do the right things, for your mom and yourself.
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Hello72 Jan 4, 2019
Thank you Peter. I need to find a good one
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