Mom wants to live indepedently. Any advice on locations? - AgingCare.com

Mom wants to live indepedently. Any advice on locations?

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Hey, My mother who is 80yr wanted to live independently. I have heard a lot about Thorn-cliff place, a retirement home for seniors. What should I do? Is it a good decision or not? Any advice would be appreciated.

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There are some communities that have both Independent Living AND Assisted Living. Could she live somewhere like that where she can be moved from one level to the next? My grandfather and his wife had to move from an Independent condo within such a community to Assisted when she fell and became confused. He was unable to take care of her himself. When she passed months later, he moved back to an Independent (and cheaper) unit in the same complex.
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When it was clear that my Father could no longer handle living alone in his house (in his late 80s), we gave him as many safe options as we could find. These all included "independent living" apartments. We looked at one bedroom units with full kitchens in facilities that offered meals in a dining room and different levels of nursing care. They also had parking and/or garages for residents. Initially, Dad only used the meal plan eating two meals a day in the dining room and making his own breakfast. Now, we have added some nursing aid care to help him with taking medication and basic activities of daily living.

I tried to make the process of visiting places an adventure and a bonding experience for the two of us. We looked at the fancier nationally owned facility along with locally owned and smaller operations. He spent a day on his own in the two places were our "finalists." In the end, the best place for Dad was an 80 apartment facility that consists mostly of independent apartments, a few assisted living apartments, and a small locked memory care unit. This combination of options means that he will never have to leave the familiar friends and staff.

One resource who was particularly helpful for me in evaluating different places was a hospice chaplain. He is in and out of all of the facilities in the area and so knows what happens when family is not present. Caregivers are sometimes reluctant to say one place is better than another in a small community so you need to be discreet about when you ask and where. I asked the chaplain and others, "where would you choose to live?" He suggested places where residents look after each other. Dad is very social so this was important for him.

In the end, it was important for us to visit each place. Once we had seen a few different types (from a 8 bedroom house to the big corporate apartment complex) it was easier to understand the differences and what would be the best fit for Dad.

Our decision was made partially on objective factors. In addition there were intangible considerations. Dad had never been a country club type so the place that felt less fancy was a better fit for him though it was not as comfortable for some of us kids. We tried to honor Dad's preferences as much as possible. Trust your gut. Good luck.
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I had one friends mother who moved out of assisted living into her own studio apartment. Her mind was intact otherwise it would not have been possible. If she is able to drive or get public transportation it may be possible - but only if her mind is still sharp. If she is just spouting that she wants to live independently but is unable to do so I would just listen or change the subject.
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Your profile says she is in assisted living now. Why? Did she have an impairment that has since improved? If she needed assistance when she moved in, how is it that she no longer needs it? Or are you saying that moving into ALF was a mistake?

Discuss this with her doctor and also with the staff where she is now. How realistic is it to think she can live independently?

Your mother is lucky to have you to look after her best interests. First figure out (with help) if this is an appropriate direction for Mom to be moving. If so, investigate the options for her. If not, help her be more content with where she is.
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There are "Thorncliffe Place" all across the globe. What city &country?
You should go for a tour and get prices and talk to her MD about whether or not she can do this. If she has been living with others for many years, I doubt if she could handle it.
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