Mom's live-in ex doesn't want me to stay with her. Can he keep my away from staying to take care of her? - AgingCare.com

Mom's live-in ex doesn't want me to stay with her. Can he keep my away from staying to take care of her?

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Mom is dying needs 24 hr care. Mom came ill and she is detioring very fast and she needs 24/7 home care mom owens 1/2 the house and the outher person ownes the outher ok. He doesn't like me at all because he's abusive to mom (yells at her) I won't put up with that. Mom used to be able to take care of herself so I never worried about her well in the past 90 days mom has gone from i not worring about her she is about to die (her aorata has disectied) and she is in a hospice home and thats where we go to die rite well she has been there for 3 days and they tell her joann you comere to dye this isnt a hospital so she was gona go home and she started crying b/p droped to 60/40 so the dr made her stay agin well i am going to take tare of my mom at her house and can her friend keep me away from her home

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If mom goes home who is going tp look after her?
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I read it that the dad moved in with mom, died, and left his half of the house to the current occupant. I agree, could be either way round? Btw I think OP is a he, no?
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CountryMouse, I'm reading it's her mom's "X" -- see opening post. When she talks about "let his dad move in" I think she's saying that her mom let her X's dad move in when he was sick. I'm not sure; sometimes posts are hard to follow. ?
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I think the man the OP has an issue with is the quasi-stepson, son of the man who originally moved in with the OP's mother.
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If you can't make peace with this man, then, unless you have POA and/or HCPOA, there's nothing you can do. He has the right to deny you entry into his home. Is he morally right? No. But, in reality, there's nothing you can do.

Instead of righteously insisting that you care for mom, throw yourself on his mercy, so to speak, and beg him to let you see your mom. If you and your mom have a good relationship, hopefully he will soften and let you come in every day to see her. After a week or so, throw yourself on his mercy again and ask if you can care for her during the day. Ask him, sincerely, if he can't put your differences aside and allow your mom the gift of having her daughter with her at this time.

If he says no to even visiting your mom, or won't agree to you taking care of her after you've come to see her for a little while, then you just have to come to terms with that reality.

If home is where mom wants to be, then you simply must accept that reality. This is no longer about you or about your terrible relationship with this man she's chosen to be with. It's all about mom and what SHE wants. If you want what's best for mom, you'll try your best to be with her in whatever way he's comfortable or come to terms with this and let it go.
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The best thing of course is for mom to stay in the hospice facility where she will have 24 hour care from a team of experienced caregivers and any necessary medications and equipment readily available. You are only one person and although you want what is best for Mom and to honor her wishes you can't be awake and providing care for her 24/7. That would be the case even if her ex was not in the picture. You would need to recruit friends and family and/or hire help.
hospice can very very ocassionally provide 24 hour care but this is not usual. All of that being said hospice does their best to honor the wishes of the patient and make it possible for them to die at home if they desire. Can you explain to mom that although the hospice facility is not a hospital in that they will not give her any treatment or surgery etc to try and keep her alive she will recieve all the same standard of care from highly skilled staff she would recieve in a hospital and be free of the stress of being at home with the ex. It sounds as though she is afraid that because they have honestly told her the truth about her condition she is afraid she will not be well looked after. This could not be further from the truth. It will be calm and peaceful and no one will be waking her up at all hours to take her blood pressure or insisting she gets up or eats, Everything will be available she will just make her own choices as she would at home Everything will be done for her comfort by hospice if she goes home or stays in the facility. there will be medications to ease any pain or anxiety an aid to bathe her 3 - 5 times a week, A minister to visit if she desires, a social worker to discuss her fears with. The same support will be available to help you too. Try and calm down and think about this calmly and do what will be best for Mom. Blessings. Last of all would you feel comfortable providing personal care , as in changing depends for your mother?
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This person - the son of your mother's close friend, is he? - doesn't want to stop you being with your mother. He wants you not to be in his home. In the circumstances you'd have thought he might rise above any historical issues he has with you; but if he can't… well, it is still his home. He has a right to occupy it and to object to your being in it, if that's how he feels.

Your mother also has a right to occupy it, and to have you with her, if that's what she wants. So there's the conflict that needs to be resolved.

Listen to Jeanne: as usual, she is both sympathetic and right. Your mother should not have to be handling disputes or animosity, she needs calm and love. If you're better able to offer her those in the hospice setting, removed from the co-owner, then do that. But if your mother desperately wants to return home, then you and the co-owner will need to reach a peaceful agreement and stick to it.
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mom went on hospice about a month ago when she got out of the hospital and the friend there yes we will be in the same house i even went so far as to telling him that i will get a small tent trailer and put in the back yard and there is no way and yes the hospics knowes all about the whoe issiue there really isnt any thing they can do mom dosent qualify for ihss and not enoughf mony for a**.living but thats all besides the point i want to take care thats the way i have allways been there for mom and that i would take care of her when she gets old and its been that way (she wasnt supposta grow old) so i called the police and they say that if mom wants me there he can do nothing .. butt in the mean time moms stress will go boom and bloop presser will drop and she will no doubt she will just die on the spot.. then i go to prison for killing the S.O.B after all mom let his dad move in and die at home and mom took care of him ... and he her friend dosent even have to take care of mom i will and i told him that if he needed anything i would be there for him also couse he is really old also butt no way he kick me out of my moms house
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Troy, I am so sorry for your heartbreaking situation.

It sounds like Mom might be in the best place for her. Hospice workers know how to treat people who are dying, to reduce or eliminate pain and anxiety. She will be away from the abusive person. You can stay with her and show her your love and caring.

Did Mom sign up for hospice care? Did she not know she was dying?

You can take your mother home and she could get hospice there. But if her "friend" in part owner of the house, how will you keep him away from you and from her. Does he have separate quarters there? I assume you can keep him out of her bedroom, but you will no doubt bump into him in the kitchen, etc.

Why don't you discuss this with the hospice staff. Explain the entire situation and get their advice. Their top priority is the dying person's comfort. Where do they think she will be most comfortable?
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