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I know it's not her mind slipping as much as she just lies.

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My Mom "lies" a lot too. But I do believe she believes what she is saying. I think she gets lost in her own thoughts and mind sometimes and then believes what she thought really happened.Its like "oh I think I'll make dinner" But you don't make dinner but if someone asks "oh yes I made a great dinner tonight" Its like a disconnect between what she is thinking and actual reality.
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{Q}My mom does this selectively. I found that when I ignore the lie, I am calmer and she is more fired up and I get the satisfaction of knowing she didn't succeed in getting under my skin. I've called her on it and then we argue and there is no winning so I choose to ignore. She lies about me to others, but everyone who matters knows it's not true and those who believe her aren't with my time.{EQ}

you're going to have to "absorb" a lot worse behavior.

As long as you expect her to react to situations the way you do, you'll be frustrated, angry, and miserable.
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If mom was always a fibber, then lying albeit annoying is normal. If mom has dementia and misstates or misrepresents facts that is normal. Personality CHANGES are the red flags
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even pathalogical lies arent necessarily an intent to decieve . the thoughts just dont take the proper " paths " thru the brain . short circuits if you will ..
me building the pyramids and the taj mahal ? now THOSE are lies equivalent to pi**in on your back and telling you its raining..
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My mom does this selectively. I found that when I ignore the lie, I am calmer and she is more fired up and I get the satisfaction of knowing she didn't succeed in getting under my skin. I've called her on it and then we argue and there is no winning so I choose to ignore. She lies about me to others, but everyone who matters knows it's not true and those who believe her aren't with my time.
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Thank you all. I say her mind isn't slipping and I was wrong to say that cause she def has some slippage. I guess I meant, she has been manipulative all my life and I'm just now realizing it since I have not been around her much since I was a kid living with her. So it's all like a big Ah-Ha for me. It's such a quick answer she gives to any question almost as if she feels "no" would be the "wrong" answer.... It's just frustrating and hard to see your parent be like this. I'm glad there is this group to help sort it out and know I'm not the only one....
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Confabulations are a major annoyance - when listeners take everything at face value, no matter how false their statements. The danger is when banks, adult protective services, police, friends, family, and other listeners take everything our loved ones say at face value and react based on the statements. Know that confabulating is distinct from lying because there is no intent to deceive. The statements can be coherent, internally consistent, and reasonable.

Be aware there are similarities between confabulation and delusions; e.g., both involve unintentional false statements. Realize delusions are frequently observed in Alzheimer's patients may include beliefs about theft, the patient's house not being his home, a spouse, is an impostor, belief an intruder is in the house, abandonment, spousal infidelity, and paranoia.
visit http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation

Confabulating is distinct from lying because first there is no intent to deceive, second the person being unaware that the information is blatantly false. Confabulating can be coherent, internally consistent, and reasonable...despite clearly contradicting evidence.
Your challenge: is what they say true?
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you guys are both WILD. Each in your own way though.

seriously, sort of, its often what's called confabulation - your brain makes up a story to explain stuff or fill in the ever-widening gaps, and it no longer lets you sort out reality from dream or fantasy with any degree of accuracy. People can be actually unaware they are unable to see and think they are seeing, and most people are unaware their memory is the problem, hence all the accusations of stuff being stolen, etc. If someone did not habitually lie all the time before I would very much tend to think this is what's going on rather than deliberate lying.
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dusty,
it aint hell bent. the proper terminology is whiskey bent and hell bound..
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dusty ,
i think your BS is just good , free entertainment. i like it.
yes i think that old age and dementia exascerbate the existing character flaws -- BUT -- i think jeanne has a great point about memories getting mixed up . ive seen aunt lose complete decades of her memories while memories from further back remain pretty intact. jeanne knows a lot about the various types of dementia and their medical causes. id listen to her before calling in an exorcist.
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To me, lying implies intent to deceive. Your profile says that Mom has dementia. People with dementia often (OFTEN) say things that are not true, but without the intent to deceive. They cannot tell reality from fiction from fantasy. Captain's aunt probably believed (at least at the moment she said it) that he had refused to get her a milkshake. Probably she has real memories of being refused a milkshake -- not necessarily by Captain, and not necessarily in this decade -- and her memories are all mixed up.

Something very real and very physical is going on in your mom's brain. Maybe it is a buildup of particular proteins that don't belong there, or tangles, or plaques, or atrophy, or dying cells. Different kinds of dementia have different manifestations. This is clearly visible upon autopsy. Having something strange going on in the brain causes strange behaviors. I don't know how you can say that "it's not her mind slipping." If she has dementia, her mind is definitely not "normal."

Don't believe her without checking things out, especially accusations against others, but don't conclude she is deliberately "lying" when she says something that isn't true.

Dementia is a very difficult disease to cope with! -- for the person who has it and also the family.
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its normal with dementia, which many elders suffer with. i just learned tonight that i refused to stop so my aunt could get a milkshake last week. its comical once the whole family understands that its all malarky . pretty destructive before they " get " it ..
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