My mom with Lewy Body Dementia keeps asking me to buy her wine when I take her shopping! Advice?

Mom's nursing home has a monthly "happy hour" with beer and wine. The AL where my daughter works has theirs weekly. They sometimes serve fancy mixed drinks.

Care facilities are not prisons and people there should not be deprived of simple pleasures they have enjoyed all their lives.

My husband, Coy, had LBD. At one of the early meetings with the specialist I asked in front of Coy about wine and beer. Doc said please limit it to no more than 2 drinks a day, and watch for side-effects such as unsteady gait. The geriatrician concurred. Of course many of his drugs should not be taken with alcohol, but, hey, dementia is a terminal disease and it is a matter of balancing pleasure in the time left vs possible adverse reactions. It certainly wasn't as if Coy was going to drive or operate heavy machinery. (He did not have a problem with alcohol before dementia.) It made him feel more "normal" to drink a beer while he watched baseball on tv or to order a glass of wine at a restaurant. He often didn't even finish the beverage, but it made him feel good that he could have it. If there had been some medical reason not to drink, I would have done my best to "fake" it for him.

I like the idea of buying your mom a glass of wine at lunch while you are out, or telling the staff it is OK for her to have one drink if they do a happy hour. I'm not crazy about the idea of buying her a bottle of wine to keep in her room.

Each situation is a little different. It sounds like alcohol, or at least free access to alcohol, might not be as good for your mother as it was for Coy. Make your decisions in love and with your mother's best interest in mind. You'll do fine.

I was surprised to discover that some ALF's do serve alcohol. I learned that it's one of the few things they can still enjoy. I would check on her medications to see if a MODERATE amount of alcohol would be okay. I have heard many stories of dementia patients thoroughly enjoying their mimosa or glass of wine on occasion. Doctor thought it was just fine too.

If at all possible, I would try to accommodate the desires of the dementia patient. The time they have left and the time that they will be able to enjoy themselves is limited. I try to keep that in mind.

i know an old guy who had a feeding tube . about once a week he'd upend a full bottle of wine into the tube . this guy formerly wasnt much of a drinker but at this point he was in his late 80 ' s and not long for this earth .
imo , if much younger people with dubious qualification had the authority to pump medicine at him , who rescinded HIS right to make himself feel better ?

It might be best not to take her grocery shopping anymore and ask the AL if alcohol is allowed in the facility. Even though you fix her a drink, even with tons of ginger ale, maybe just leave out the alcohol and give her plain ginger ale. If she was drinking heavily with the onset of the disease to cope and was never a really nice person, drinking doesn't seem like a great idea.

What about NA wine? Poor it into a regular wine bottle? Or just give her the NA bottle she may not even know what that is?

Unless it is contra indicated with her meds I don't see the harm of an occasional alcoholic beverage while she is out with you or a glass of wine with a meal, but given her history I wouldn't buy her a whole bottle to take home.
And some ALs do serve wine or beer with special meals or events, so if she shouldn't have any at all you should check about that.

Rethinking the issue, there is value in a red wine because it contains resveratrol. I think the issue though would be how much is good for your mother and how much is excessive. Maybe you can gradually decrease the amount she takes, especially if you can find a substitute of something w/o alcohol.

I do the pour sparkling grape juice or apple juice in a wine bottle for my Aunt. She thinks she needs booze to go to sleep. The AL goes along with it. Even puts her bottle in fridge and tells her it's time for her wine.

Speak with her doctor about this and you can buy non alcohol wine to substitute. I had a patient once who would disrupt the whole wing until her daughter came across this beverage. She believed she had her wine everyone was happy.

My mother was allowed wine in rehab with her Dr;s OK.. and I worked at an AL that served drinks. If you are uncomfortable with this.. the latest cool drink is Vodka and cranberry juice. MAybe you can sweet talk her into this.. just make it with juice and ice!! Put water in the Vodka bottle! But if it is wine she want. Fre makes some that are very good and no/low alchohol