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She's in an AL facility and is on a number of medications. I told her that it was against the rules to have alcohol, but she swears that she attends events at the AL and alcohol is served. Of course I doubt this is true. Since her diagnosis, I've noticed that she makes up memories. It's been almost three years since the onset of the disease and she used to drink heavily to self medicate. She when comes to my home for dinner, she always asks me to make her a drink. It's usually something with a lot of ginger ale. How can I dissuade her? It's getting to the point that I don't want to take her shopping at all. She's never been a really nice person to me, and she doesn't get her way she gets very nasty.

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Get some mini bottles wine like they serve on the airlines and empty half out and replace with water. You can drink the other half yourself or save it in the fridge till it's time to 'refill" her bottle. She can keep that in the fridge in her room.
s long as it is not contra indicated a small glass of wine can make someone feel normal. For the men a can of light beer may be acceptable. Just make sure everyone in the party appears to be having the same quantity. It is important that Mom does not feel singled out and deprived. Others can secretly have more out in the kitchen if they must.
I am not a heavy drinker normally but right now I am not supposed to drink. If we have a bottle of wine I just have half a very small glass and don't feel deprived.
Hubby can enjoy his and not feel he is depriving me.
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Wow, and my daughter when she was a teen thougt Vodka was a good "parent fooler",, because it has no smell or taste... NOT !!! I picked up some smelly sleepy teens in this small town....
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Actually, pamzimmrrt, Vodka used to be my mom's drink of choice. I'm grateful that she's not asking for that. She doesn't remember a lot all of the time, but she would definitely remember what vodka is supposed to taste like. LOL
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My mother was allowed wine in rehab with her Dr;s OK.. and I worked at an AL that served drinks. If you are uncomfortable with this.. the latest cool drink is Vodka and cranberry juice. MAybe you can sweet talk her into this.. just make it with juice and ice!! Put water in the Vodka bottle! But if it is wine she want. Fre makes some that are very good and no/low alchohol
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i know an old guy who had a feeding tube . about once a week he'd upend a full bottle of wine into the tube . this guy formerly wasnt much of a drinker but at this point he was in his late 80 ' s and not long for this earth .
imo , if much younger people with dubious qualification had the authority to pump medicine at him , who rescinded HIS right to make himself feel better ?
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I guess nonalcoholic wine is okay, but what's the point? lol
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Speak with her doctor about this and you can buy non alcohol wine to substitute. I had a patient once who would disrupt the whole wing until her daughter came across this beverage. She believed she had her wine everyone was happy.
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Thanks Ramona and Jeanne. I did speak with my mom's doctor and she also suggested buying her non-alcoholic wine if she wants a bottle in her room. I brought her one on Saturday and she was delighted. She hasn't mentioned how it tasted and I haven't asked. I'll find out when I see her this weekend. :-)
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Mom's nursing home has a monthly "happy hour" with beer and wine. The AL where my daughter works has theirs weekly. They sometimes serve fancy mixed drinks.

Care facilities are not prisons and people there should not be deprived of simple pleasures they have enjoyed all their lives.

My husband, Coy, had LBD. At one of the early meetings with the specialist I asked in front of Coy about wine and beer. Doc said please limit it to no more than 2 drinks a day, and watch for side-effects such as unsteady gait. The geriatrician concurred. Of course many of his drugs should not be taken with alcohol, but, hey, dementia is a terminal disease and it is a matter of balancing pleasure in the time left vs possible adverse reactions. It certainly wasn't as if Coy was going to drive or operate heavy machinery. (He did not have a problem with alcohol before dementia.) It made him feel more "normal" to drink a beer while he watched baseball on tv or to order a glass of wine at a restaurant. He often didn't even finish the beverage, but it made him feel good that he could have it. If there had been some medical reason not to drink, I would have done my best to "fake" it for him.

I like the idea of buying your mom a glass of wine at lunch while you are out, or telling the staff it is OK for her to have one drink if they do a happy hour. I'm not crazy about the idea of buying her a bottle of wine to keep in her room.

Each situation is a little different. It sounds like alcohol, or at least free access to alcohol, might not be as good for your mother as it was for Coy. Make your decisions in love and with your mother's best interest in mind. You'll do fine.
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I do the pour sparkling grape juice or apple juice in a wine bottle for my Aunt. She thinks she needs booze to go to sleep. The AL goes along with it. Even puts her bottle in fridge and tells her it's time for her wine.
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Rethinking the issue, there is value in a red wine because it contains resveratrol. I think the issue though would be how much is good for your mother and how much is excessive. Maybe you can gradually decrease the amount she takes, especially if you can find a substitute of something w/o alcohol.
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Thank you everyone for your responses and suggestions. My mom's doctor actually called me yesterday about something unrelated and I spoke to her about the wine thing. She actually told me that wine is allowed at the facility. My mom has always been a drinker, so I think that she may be missing it as another activity she can no longer indulge in. Her doctor gave me the same suggestion that a few of you have - buy her some non-alcholic wine and even pour it into a regular wine bottle with a screw cap, because after all she can still read. ;-)
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I was surprised to discover that some ALF's do serve alcohol. I learned that it's one of the few things they can still enjoy. I would check on her medications to see if a MODERATE amount of alcohol would be okay. I have heard many stories of dementia patients thoroughly enjoying their mimosa or glass of wine on occasion. Doctor thought it was just fine too.

If at all possible, I would try to accommodate the desires of the dementia patient. The time they have left and the time that they will be able to enjoy themselves is limited. I try to keep that in mind.
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Unless it is contra indicated with her meds I don't see the harm of an occasional alcoholic beverage while she is out with you or a glass of wine with a meal, but given her history I wouldn't buy her a whole bottle to take home.
And some ALs do serve wine or beer with special meals or events, so if she shouldn't have any at all you should check about that.
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Does she like/trust her doctor? If so, give the dr a heads up and tell her the doctor said "No" but you could have non-alcohol, ginger-ale, sparkling grape juice, etc. Also, at restaurants there are usually some pretty creative bartenders that can fix things besides a shirley temple.
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Would taking her to lunch be an option? Maybe do her grocery shopping alone and when her groceries are put away go to a place like Panera Bread. Places where there is no alcohol involved. I'm wondering if it would be out of sight, out of mind. Maybe talk to the staff and see what kind of tips and tricks they would have and then you would find out the policy about booze. Was she always a drinker or was it the self medicating that caused her to focus on alcohol. I'm sure this isn't the first time that the staff have dealt with this.
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Thanks Eyerishlass and Evermore99 I have considered doing her shopping, but me taking her has become her weekend outing - a chance to get out of the AL and get some fresh air. When I make her a fake drink, it doesn't contain any alcohol, just ginger ale and some juice or sparkling grape juice. She knows the difference. 3littlebirds, I considered looking for some NA wine, but I believe there is still some alcohol in it. I will check though.
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What about NA wine? Poor it into a regular wine bottle? Or just give her the NA bottle she may not even know what that is?
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It might be best not to take her grocery shopping anymore and ask the AL if alcohol is allowed in the facility. Even though you fix her a drink, even with tons of ginger ale, maybe just leave out the alcohol and give her plain ginger ale. If she was drinking heavily with the onset of the disease to cope and was never a really nice person, drinking doesn't seem like a great idea.
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Explain to your mom that she can't drink alcohol while taking medication although I'm not sure this will pacify her since she has dementia and isn't able to reason anymore.

Have you considered doing your mom's shopping by yourself?
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