My mom is going to get kicked out of assisted living. Then what?

After reviewing all the suggestions, this is what I've decided to do. I'm giving my mother the $64/month she is allowed after Medicaid, to support her sugar and pop addiction, all her smokes, and over the counter drugs, and a phone card. Then she can decide where her priorities are, and I'm walking away. I've spent so much money trying to make her happy, and she cannot be made happy. She has spent a lifetime of being unhappy. And I'm going to condone or contribute to something she should not be doing. Period. I'm done. Thank you all. I feel better but it was a painful decision to make. And it will not go over well!

Well, a geropsychiatric admission might be next - be careful, there are good and bad ones out there. But maybe there would be a smaller board and care facility that would allow the smoking or be more personal about "the rules" you could try? Or a different assisted living? Start the search now, both online and by driving around both (found the best ones for my mom just driving around running errands and keepng my eyes open, believe it or not.)

fluffy, it sounds like you have hit your limit with your mom. I don't blame you for saying enough is enough. Your mom isn't going to have enough money to support all of her habits and nowhere is it written that you have to pay for them either.
If you don't mind my sharing...your mom is addicted to nicotine. I don't know how long she has smoked but giving up smoking is extremely difficult for some. I've been there. I was younger and relatively sane. Your mom is older and has dementia. What a combo! I'd be surprised if she could do it on her own at this point. Her cat and cigs are all she's interested in now. Please ask the doctor to help her. No, she should never have taken up smoking but she did, and now she will need help to kick the habit and addiction.
You are so correct. Some people are not happy, never have been, never will be. That was my mom but she didn't have dementia. My dad was always happy and when he got dementia he stayed docile and sweet. It's a cruel disease for them and for their families. You are seeing that firsthand with your mom being so difficult. My heart goes out to you.

i like the stuffed cat idea. the kitty litter would stay fresh indefinately.
i think the AL should give your mother a smoke outdoors from time to time. i think they are money mills tho and would rather replace her with someone " easier " . of course they will always claim to have your mothers best interests in mind. bee - ess..

Fluffy~I assume you have DPOA since your mom has dementia??? If so, do not supply your mother with cigarettes and inform the staff to take your mother out for cigarette breaks. The AL my mother is in (she is mentally incapacitated due to Alzheimer's) will do this if my mother smoked. Mom is in memory care from 8:30-6 everyday and during that time, the aides come to her apartment every 2 hours to walk her dog. I realize that not al AL's are the same, but if this one is not willing to do this look for one that will. Even the SNH my father was in would take residents out for a smoking break twice a day. Good Luck to you!!

I was going to suggest the e-cigarettes, too. They have to be filled and charged, though.

I know someone that bought their mom a stuffed cat and she never knew the difference. Good luck.

If she was a mentally challenged 13 year old, would you consider this decision differently? Making her happy, is a losing battle. Making her safe and secure is possible. If you talk to her doctor, he will prescribe something to help with the smoking. Before my dad died my mom was drinking about 1-2 bottles of wine a day. She wouldn't realize/remember what she had already had. She wasn't stumbling around either. She was extremely billigerent with my dad and us regarding her drinking. "We are not going to tell her what to do or control her life." When my dad died we were afraid to let her continue, so we filled her empties with non alcoholic. She found the empties and annonced to everyone that she had discovered this wonderful NA wine. She said she wished she had discovered it years earlier. She quit cold turkey. You would have thought that she would go through withdrawals, but not. Abilify helped dramatically with the billigerence. If they kick her out, you will have worse stress.

Whatever you do don't take the cat away she needs him. On the other hand the smoking has to stop, she"ll burn the place down. How is she getting the cigarettes? If they are stopped she will need a replacement. She clearly needs some medication to modify her behaviour for her own safety and the safety of those arround her. I hate to say this but she may have to be tricked into taking it.
Will she take any kind of pills?.A dementia unit may have to be the final choice but right now she is too aware to agree and they probably would not allow the cat . It is very hard to "make" someone go somewhere there are laws against that. You can enroll the assistance of adult protective services, her Dr and possibly a psychiatrist to help you find the best alternative. Fluffy for your own mental health try to allow others to make the difficult decisions. I am afraid you will be dragged into the mix anyway if you are the only child so stand your ground and have back up with you like a husband or adult child some one tough you can trust to administer the tough love and ensure you don't get bullied. My heart goes out to you so blessings and good luck, let us know the out some. everyone here learns and contributes so much.

My grandmother smoked ,but the nurses station had her cigarettes and gave her at a time and only in the common area. This was before all the rules about where and when people could smoke. She was in a nursing home for quite a long time and as far as I know she never quit, but it was up to the staff to give her her cigarettes.

I always thought that the worse thing that happened to my elderly aunt, was that she had to give up smoking. She had had a stroke. Smoking was about all she had, to make her happy. At my Mother's nursing home, the patients smoke outside, supervised.