When I speak with my Mom she keeps saying '''what", this drives me crazy. is this habit or old age?

Have her hearing checked. Even if you are in front of her other noises in the room can make it very difficult to hear.

caperguy, my mother has hearing loss, so I often have to say things more than once. She also says "Wha.." even when she does hear me. When I repeat myself she says she doesn't know why she said it, since she heard me the first time. It is just habit with her. And yes, it is crazy making.

My mother has dementia and is a techno-phobe, so doesn't want hearing aids. She said she won't use them. I know they would be a waste of money. She'll blame them for all the problems in the universe and abandon them in a drawer. I know her that well. So I get used to saying things 3 times -- the first time to get her attention, the second time to hear, and the third time for comprehension.

Some great responses but how to keep from going crazy. Seek psychological help? I moved in with my mother 5 years ago and her hearing is bad. It drives me absolutely insane. When I complain about her not wearing her hearing aid she get offended and we battle. Short but painful spats. I can't stand it and she tells me to leave. I am a struggling self-employed engineer and don't have enough income to leave plus I don't think she could make it on her own. She has recently decided it may be best if she doesn't drive and is not doing so with as much frequency as before. I have issues with depression and anger, and it wears me down. I don't date because of my issue and the worst of it all I've let my room go into such a mess. Totally a slob and I can't seem to get myself to clean up it or help around the house and I know I really should. This last part may seem trivial but it is not to me. I'm a mess. Any words of encouragement would be helpful.

So, is your depression being treated?

Yes

Well, what do you mean by psychological help? If your depression is being treated with meds only, if you're asking do you need to add therapy, the answer is yes. If your mom has dementia and hearing loss, you need to talk slowly, clearly, be sure she can see your mouth, and get her attention before you start to talk. I agree, this is not normal conversation.

Can you set aside 15 minutes a day to sit and chat with her with no distractions? Can she read notes?

Thank you Babalou. I will get back on therapy, as much as I can afford. Yes I can chat with her with no distractions and will do so. She is very competent to read notes. She reads the newspaper inside and out every day. I have improved some over the years but that's it, it's taken years. Again thank you very much.

Zinner, I know what you're saying because I have limited energy, and when I get one room straight, then the rest of the place is a mess and needs cleaning. It's like a treadmill..
My mother walks around with the battery out in her hearing aid, and then blames everyone else for not talking loud! I don't think that everyone on here understands that without a hearing aid in, an older person with severe hearing loss cannot understand ANYTHING that you are saying. Perhaps a doctor could get through to them that they need to have a working hearing aid ( but there is the stubborn streak to contend with)
Wish I could afford a counselor.

Zinner, with your Mom's age related decline it is only going to get worse. Time to start thinking about the next step, which would be a continuing care facility where your Mom could be around people of her own generation [some who also have hearing problems] but some how they all seem to be able to communicate. If income is an issue for your Mom, then Medicaid could step in to help. See if she qualifies.

As for yourself, maybe you could rent a room/suite in a house to help you save some money for your own future. Living at home with your Mom only brings out the adult/child dynamics which isn't good for either of you.

I guess I am taking away from the person who had the initial comment, however thank you all very very much.