Mom keeps holding on... Should we tell her she can let go?

Yes , I did with my Dad...after we all arrived at the hospital to say goodbye....he was never conscious but I went in alone and told him we're all grown and he doesn't need to worry about us anymore...and he could let go now and rest....that was at 3AM....he passed on at 6AM.

I was 24 years old when my father died. Something inside of me said that he was holding on for my mother and me, that we wouldn't be okay. My mother was staying at the hospital and went home to take care of business. With my mother away, and while feeding my dad, I told him that he could let go; that my mother and I would be sad for awhile but okay. That I could never in a million years thank him enough for loving me and my mother, that when he awoke, again, he would be free of pain and sickness. He died, that night very peacefully, after my mother returned to the hospital. I will always remember his peace and ours.

I did this with my dad and grandmother. When my grandmother was dying I laid down next to her and whispered to her that it was OK to go we would all be fine. I told her I would take care of my parents and that she could go be with her husband. Within 5 minutes of me telling her that she passed.

With my dad, my mom and siblings sat around him and told him it was OK for him to go. He had suffered for several days. My siblings and I told him we would take care of mom and she would be OK, she also gave him permission to go. We all told him how much we loved him. He died within the hour.

Sometimes individuals hold on because they are concerned about the people they are leaving behind. By telling them you will be OK and giving them permission to pass on it can make a difference.

Merely my thoughts...death is imminent amongst us all, but more foreseeable in some than others at times. My dad passed almost 30 years ago, while in a coma, and we all told him whatever he decided to do was OK with us and he did pass. Fast forward to present day, my dear Mom is 88, suffers from Parkinson's, rheumatoid arthritus, dementia, weighs 88 pounds barely eating and we all talk very openly and honestly about this with her. For some reason, she appears to be hanging on and we just want her to feel completely comfortable with her final journey when it's time. I tell her she has been a great mother and being who has given unselfishly throughout her life and we all know how tired she must be and whatever she decides to do we understand. She deserves to pass on and struggle no more. It's an honor to help someone make ready for their final journey. Best of luck to you during this painful bittersweet time.

Three months ago, my husband suddenly got very ill. He had gone to work that Tuesday, and by Friday, he had died. For those two days that he was in ICU, I told him how much I loved him and would miss him, and if he wanted to fight, I would help him any way I could, but if he was ready to go, it was okay...and that we would always love him. The night before he passed, he seemed to be trying to "wake up", moving his arm and opening his eyes. He died the following morning.

My mom, who lives with me, has signs and symptoms of Alzheimers/Dementia but won't get diagnosed. She has other health issues as well, and talks about death a lot. She thinks she has to stay with me so I won't be alone. I keep telling her that I know how to be alone, and if it's time for her to go, that it's okay. Same thing...I tell her I will always love and miss her, but I understand. Every night, when I tuck her into bed, we hug and say "I'll love you forever, wherever we are."

i live In a different city than my parents and my mom has dementia and my dad was failing in health. I made sure I called him every week . I called him one day and he sounded like he was speaking slowly after talking a half hour he acted nervous and said if something happens to me I can’t take care of your mother . I realize that even though she was in the home being taken care of for dementia patients he was afraid to leave her behind . So I said that she can stay where she is right ? I think that’s surprising because he was thinking of how he was the one who needed to be there for her but I was pointing out that she was being taken care of well where she currently was . That seem to relieve him and I did say to him dad if anything happens to you I’ll be there to do whatever is needed . He died within an hour or two of that phone calls and I believe more at peace as if it was giving him reassurance it was OK to let go. I Picked up on the fact he was concerned it may happen soon. I think what you say and the timing is important. Very important to feel like you have a believe in God Jesus and will go to heaven .

Well you can certainly tell your mom that you will be sad, that you will miss her, but that you will be OK when she is gone. If you feel it would help, it may reassure her that you will be OK. Since hospice has a lot of experience in this area, I would tend to respect their advise. I have sat with dying people who were unconscious and told them that it was OK to go. I'd like to address the eating issue. I made milkshakes for a relative dying from cancer. I included ice cream, coconut oil for calories, protein powder and some fruit. These were easy to drink, well liked and kept his weight up and him in good shape.

We are having to bid farewell to our mom. Three generations did so today as things have gone decidedly south. We each spent time privately with her. I thanked her for the the opportunities, experiences, education she provided me with. I told her we were going be ok. She had done a good job with us. And she should be proud of what she accomplished in life. Because man she did.. I told her it was ok to let go. We were going to be ok, because of her.

I have had to Do some hard stuff in life. I think this is the hardest.

Peace to you and your family. We have you in our hearts.

Godspeed.

The hospice chaplain felt like my dad was waiting for me to tell him it was ok, So, yes, I told my dad that he could trust God and place himself in God's hands. Shortly after that, he died.

Such a hard position to be in. When they are in the active dying phase and cannot interact with us, they can still hear us. I believe that no one dies until thier time, but I do believe that we can give love and reassurance that they are loved and will be missed and that we will be ok until we see them again. I wonder if when they get this reassurance they relax and that makes the transition easier.

Hello Everyone. I just want to update all of you who took the time to answer my post. My Mother totally stopped eating and drinking liquids on Saturday. She stopped responding to us and stayed asleep. On Monday evening she finally passed.

I'm glad she is in God's Kingdom now, but I will miss her. I don't think her passing has totally hit me yet. I'm finalizing funeral arrangements, clearing out her items from the nursing home, etc.

We did continue to talk to her and tell her that we are all doing well, etc. and the last day or so I told her that she will get to see Daddy when she goes to heaven and that she can watch over us from heaven. Bless her and may she rest in peace, she fought long and hard.

Glad mom passed peacefully, & that u Hav the comfort of knowing she's with the Lord:)

Yes, i agree it is the hardest decision we have to make....i had to tell my dear soulmate it was ok for him to go, that we had almost 6 years together and they were the happiest time of both our lives and that i would be alright. I know he heard me and he gave his last breath....don’t remember too much more of those couple of months as we lost my granma and my dad passed just 2 weeks prior. But we carried on, as they would have wanted us to do. Blessings to you at this time. 💖 Liz

GE
I am living this right now and it is the most gut wrenching experience any human being will experience. In our family food was the circle to family gatherings .This refusal to eat and drink is not about starvation or dehydration it is about your Love one having some final control over their end of life process. I cry a lot because it pains me to witness this daily. I have been caring for my mom since her illness 10 years ago and also lost a sibling to lung cancer at that time also a caregiver to . My mom’s really recent decline 18 months ago resulted in my decision to retired after 34 yrs of nrsg. It doesn’t make this experience any easier because we are in the health field it only makes issues worse because of our knowledge base. I pray each day thanking God for another day with my mom and know that one is never prepared for the end of life . Continue to pray asking God to help you one day at a time.

Yes, my mother and I had to tell Dad it was okay to let go. That we'd be alright here on Earth without him, and that his mom, dad and brothers were waiting to welcome him to Heaven. He too was holding on......he would not let go until we told him he could, and then we had to all leave the room and close the door. His blood pressure immediately dropped and his breathing changed.....he passed 6 hrs later.

It's the hardest thing ever, and remembering that day makes me cry all over again. I'm so sorry for the terrible pain you're going thru, dear friend. God bless you and give you strength.

My father was dying and in Hospice, I spent the day talking and talking to him, finally, I said all I had to say and told him that I loved him and it was ok for him to let go, he died 1/2 hour later. He was at peace.